No child is unruly: Details on effective communication with children

Author: Zhang Xianyong, Yan Xiaoxia
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-01-01
Features: This is a captivating book on parenting wisdom. A lively and mischievous pair of children and their wise and humorous parents together unfold a series of amusing life stories. Life stories are used to teach life education, and concise language explains simple parenting communication skills. Indeed, there are no unruly children in this world, only parents who don’t know how to communicate. There are no bad children, only bad parenting methods. This book is a guide to educating children, starting from the details of communication and teaching us how to raise children. Through life stories, the book tells parents that they must learn to respect their children’s natural tendencies, appreciate them, give them more understanding and love, set aside parental authority, and communicate with them as equals, guiding them patiently and helping them. It is unfair for parents to simply scold their children for being "unruly." We were all children once, and we all had moments of misbehavior and preferences for what we liked and disliked. These are actually normal. First, the reason people differ is that each has a unique brain. Your brain determines your consciousness, thinking, emotions, and behavior. Our children, especially those in the process of growing up, are the same. Psychological research shows that children go through two rebellious phases in their psychological development. The first is the rebellious phase of life, usually occurring between 2.5 and 4 years old. After the age of 2, children’s motor and language skills develop, and their self-awareness and independence improve. At this stage, they have both a tendency to imitate and a desire to break free from adult constraints, wanting to try and test their own abilities. They want to do everything themselves. If parents overstep and take over, depriving them of opportunities to try and practice, they may develop negative emotional reactions such as crying, tantrums, or rejection and rebellion. The second rebellious phase is between 12 and 16 years old, also known as the "psychological weaning" period. This is a turning point in a child’s transition from immaturity to maturity, often characterized by emotional instability. Due to the development of self-awareness and increased subjective initiative, children shift from depending on parents to showing independence, beginning to incorporate their own self-awareness into parents’ demands and arrangements. As their cognitive and thinking abilities improve, they start to evaluate the words and actions of parents, teachers, and elders. They crave freedom and equal discussions with parents, expressing personal opinions, participating in family management, and becoming full members of the family. They dislike excessive restrictions, limitations, and interference from parents and teachers, and they strive to break free from parental supervision, hoping for their own independent space and environment for free development. Therefore, if we ignore psychological patterns and simply restrict children through blame or scolding, the result will naturally be counterproductive. At this time, we must learn to respect our children’s natural tendencies, appreciate them, give them more understanding and love, set aside parental authority, and communicate with them as equals, guiding them patiently and helping them. Of course, putting these basic principles into practice requires reflecting them in the details of daily education. This requires some communication skills and methods. To some extent, communication is education. I think No Unruly Children is a book that starts from the details of communication to teach us how to educate children.