I only say this because I love you?

Author: (American) Deborah Tannen, translated by Ding Wenlei, Yu Yinghui
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2004-12-01
Features: In this enlightening book, Professor Tannen reveals why family conversations are often ambiguous, leading to misunderstandings and resentment among loved ones. Why do we find it so difficult to communicate with family members, even though we are all adults? When we expect signals of approval and a sense of belonging, we often perceive messages of disapproval or rejection. Why do we pour out our blood-related affection, yet receive endless criticism and opinions in return? In this book, Tannen helps readers realize the importance of separating the literal meaning (information) of words from the intended meaning (implied meaning) behind them. The implied meaning refers to the unspoken understanding formed through long-term interactions and habitual ways of speaking. This layer of meaning is incredibly rich. By citing real-life conversations from daily life, Tannen demonstrates what is actually being discussed in family interactions, including the need to balance the desire for control and closeness when family members try to become closer while still valuing their independence. This eye-opening book explains why adult women often feel their mothers are overly critical, and why mothers frequently struggle to know what to say to their grown daughters. It also explores why adult men or women, or older (younger) siblings, may experience entirely different family dynamics throughout their lives. By helping readers understand and redefine family conversations, Professor Tannen provides tools and methods to improve relationships among family members of different ages.