Good eloquence, good communication, good at handling things - the basic skills for navigating society. The killer move to expand your future (Classic Collection of Survival Wisdom)

Author: Ke Wei
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features: Good communication skills can help you achieve your ambitions. When you finally get a chance that suits you perfectly and are ready to fulfill your aspirations, you may find yourself struggling to express yourself properly, leaving your ambitions unfulfilled and your enthusiasm turning into frustration. The main reason is your poor communication skills, or in other words, your lack of eloquence. Therefore, we should constantly improve our "mouth" skills at all times, fully expressing our ideals through perfect language and appropriate body language to become strong competitors in the fierce competition of modern society.
The standard for measuring someone's speaking ability is not singular. A person who speaks fluently may not necessarily have high speaking skills; it depends on whether they address the key points and achieve their communication goals appropriately. Conversely, a person who is less talkative may not necessarily have low speaking skills. Concise and meaningful words are also a sign of high speaking skills. Here, we mainly clarify the standards for measuring speaking ability, which include:
- Purposefulness: Speaking with a clear intention.
- Accuracy: Addressing the core issue.
- Targetedness: Tailoring the message to the audience.
- Accessibility: Being easy to understand.
- Contextual Appropriateness: Adapting to the situation.
- Logicality: Being well-structured and clear.
- Sincerity: Expressing emotion vividly.
- Technique: Engaging and captivating.
By weighing these standards, we can align our communication goals with outcomes, failing which we may fail to achieve our communication objectives or even have the opposite effect.
It is said that a person often went off-topic and failed to address the key points. At his wedding, the officiant asked him to speak, and he said: "I sincerely thank everyone for taking the time to attend our wedding. This is great encouragement, motivation, and care for us. Since this is our first marriage, we lack experience and need your help, support, and guidance in the future. If there are any shortcomings in our hospitality today, we welcome your valuable suggestions for improvement."
These words may seem polite, but they are actually ridiculous and inappropriate, failing to achieve the desired communication effect. The realization of communication goals depends on self-control in speaking behavior. Human verbal communication is a complex process. When the speaker sends messages with the intended purpose, but due to inappropriate wording or a lack of understanding of the audience, the listener becomes confused or annoyed, the speaker must adjust and rephrase to make the message clearer and more acceptable. Sometimes, the conversation starts as planned, but as the discussion progresses, changes in the audience or the surrounding situation, or the speaker's own enthusiasm, may lead to going off-topic. In such cases, conscious control and adjustment of speaking behavior are necessary to return to the original topic. This is the control mechanism for implementing the principle of purposefulness and optimization in verbal communication.
A rural grandmother went to buy fabric, and the salesperson greeted her warmly: "Grandma, buying fabric? Look at this fabric—it’s so durable and the color is great." (This seemed a bit eager to sell). However, the grandmother was not pleased. She coldly replied, "What’s the use of such durable fabric? If it doesn’t wear out, I’ll be sent to the crematorium." This made it difficult to continue the conversation. Agreement was out of the question, and silence would have been seen as consent. How should the salesperson adjust her speaking style? After a moment of thought, she smiled and said, "Grandma, you’re talking about the wrong thing. Your body is so strong—you can wear a few more pieces without any problem." With this, the grandmother became happy and bought the fabric, even praising the salesperson for being considerate.
From the salesperson’s perspective, her goal was to sell the fabric, which was her communication objective. However, her eagerness to sell made the grandmother upset. After listening to the grandmother’s cold response, the salesperson accurately grasped her desire for longevity and good fortune. Instead of continuing the grandmother’s cold tone, she tactfully complimented her on her strength, saying it would be fine to wear a few more pieces. She avoided harsh terms like "die" or "crematorium" and used softer phrases like "no problem" and addressed her respectfully as "You" and "Grandma." This adjustment in speaking style finally earned the grandmother’s psychological (identification), inspiring her to make the purchase.
In addition to the above control methods, other ways to align speech with purpose include gradual guidance, direct confrontation, feigning ignorance, responding inappropriately, catering to preferences, playing along, and being tactful and subtle. In summary, when people use language for communication, they always try their best to adopt effective means to control their speaking behavior and organize appropriate speaking forms to express themselves, with the aim of achieving their intended communication goals.