Scroll of Wisdom - A Book That Can Open the Doors of Wisdom for Millions - Collector's Edition

Author: Tang Wen / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-08-01
Features: In the fourth lesson, learn to get along with others and consider others. The ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand what they are thinking will never worry about the future. In human interactions, misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable. If you can put yourself in someone else's shoes and consider their perspective, you will choose tolerance and patience. In this way, your willingness to endure can move the other person, and the conflict will be resolved. Jane Hawking, the wife of the famous physicist Stephen Hawking, is an outstanding woman who is good at "considering others" and has gained widespread reputation. Stephen Hawking is known as the "most outstanding theoretical physicist after Einstein in the world." He was born in England in August 1942. In 1963, at the age of 21, he was diagnosed with "amyotrophic lateral sclerosis" (ALS) and soon became completely paralyzed, confined to a wheelchair for life. In 1985, Hawking had a tracheotomy due to pneumonia. After that, he completely lost his ability to speak and could only communicate with others through a small conversation device installed on his wheelchair and a speech synthesizer. In such incredible hardship, Hawking became a globally recognized giant in gravitational physics. He proposed the famous "black hole theory," and his book "A Brief History of Time" also became a bestseller worldwide. As the saying goes, behind every successful man there is a great woman. This is no exaggeration. For a patient like Hawking, who has lost both mobility and speech, his success would be unimaginable without the devoted care and selfless dedication of his wife, Jane. Jane, a graduate of the University of London, originally wanted to work for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, but to care for Hawking, she gave up her promising career and willingly became a busy yet diligent housewife. However, some members of the Hawking family were not very friendly toward her, especially Hawking's proud sister, Philippa, who often mocked her. Once, Philippa fell ill and was hospitalized, and Jane accompanied her husband to visit her. At the hospital room door, Jane was told that Philippa only wanted to see Hawking and not her. At that moment, Jane felt deeply wronged and embarrassed. But she quickly controlled her emotions and put herself in Philippa's shoes: a person in the hospital is naturally in a bad mood, and her visit was to wish her well. Since Philippa didn't want to see her, there must be a reason. With this thought, her feelings of grievance and frustration vanished. She smiled and watched her husband enter the room, while she stayed outside on a bench, reading and waiting for him for more than two hours. Two months later, Jane received a letter from Philippa, in which Philippa apologized for the hospital incident and said she would henceforth be one of Jane's most loyal friends. It can be imagined that if Jane had left in anger or argued with the patient when denied access during a visit, their already strained relationship would have only worsened. Because Jane chose to be considerate and patient, she moved and softened Philippa. Through this virtue of patience, Jane eliminated Philippa's prejudice and won the respect and welcome of the entire Hawking family.
No one is perfect, so when someone unintentionally ignores or offends you, try to be tolerant and forgive them with a broad heart, rather than being confrontational or overly critical in every situation. Of course, the prerequisite for forgiving others is that you must be someone who habitually considers others. The contemporary scholar Zhang Zhongxing is a modest and considerate man who always puts others first. Zhang Zhongxing had a university classmate named Liang Zhengping, who became his close friend. Influenced by his older brother, Zhengping's younger brother Zhengshan also became a good friend of Zhang Zhongxing. At that time, due to inflation, prices were constantly rising, and the price of rice was soaring even faster. Some neighbors of Zhang Zhongxing gave him money, asking him to send Zhengshan back to his hometown to buy some cheaper rice as a precaution. However, after Zhengshan received the money, he never appeared again. Later, Zhang Zhongxing had to pay the debt himself. Many years later, when discussing this matter, Zhang Zhongxing had no intention of blaming Zhengshan, but rather defended him: "His absence later proves that he is still an honest person. No matter why, spending money on someone you deeply respect makes you feel ashamed to see them, and that is always pitiful. In fact, he was struggling financially at the time, finding it hard to make ends meet. Taking that little money was understandable. Because he took money he shouldn't have, he didn't dare to see his old friends again afterward, which was a severe punishment for himself. It seems he still doesn't fully understand me. Could I hold a grudge against him for this small mistake he made out of desperation?" If he didn't put himself in Zhengshan's shoes, Zhang Zhongxing might have found it hard to understand his situation and forgive him for his mistake under duress.
Of course, to always "consider others" in every situation, one must have a broad and tolerant heart, being strict with oneself but lenient toward others. If one is overly concerned with personal gain or loss and is obsessed with fame and fortune, it will be difficult to truly "consider others." As the saying goes, "what you sow, you reap." If you plant good intentions, you will naturally reap good results. In other words, if you often consider others, at a critical moment, others will naturally consider you too.
Getting the other person to say "yes" When you are talking to someone, don't start by discussing something you disagree with. Instead, emphasize and repeatedly emphasize what you agree with. People who understand speaking techniques often get many "yes" answers right from the start. Professor Ofsky said in his book "Influence of Human Behavior": "When a person says 'no,' their entire sense of dignity is activated, demanding that they stick to 'no' to the end. Later, they might regret saying 'no,' but they must consider their precious self-esteem and continue to insist. Therefore, making the other person adopt a positive attitude is particularly important."
This is indeed a very simple technique, but it is often overlooked by many people! Many people, when they open their mouths, foolishly propose things that others cannot accept, immediately putting the other person on the defensive and making it impossible to achieve their goals. Some people, however, have succeeded in this regard time and again. There was a salesman named Allison from Westinghouse who worked very hard to sell two engines to an engineer at a large factory. He was determined to sell hundreds of engines to him, so he went to see him again a few days later. Unexpectedly, the engineer said, "Allison, your company's engines are not ideal. Although I need hundreds, I don't plan to buy from you." Allison was shocked and asked, "Why?" "Your engines are too hot. They're so hot that I can't even put my hand on them." Allison knew that arguing would be useless, so he quickly adopted another strategy. He said, "Mr. Smith, I think you're right. The engines are too hot, and no one wants to buy them. The heat of the engines you need should not exceed the relevant standards, right?" "Yes." — Allison got his first "yes." "The Electrical Manufacturers Association that properly designed engines can be 72 degrees Fahrenheit hotter than room temperature, right?" "Yes." — Allison got his second "yes." "So, how hot is your factory?" "About 75 degrees Fahrenheit." "So, 72 degrees plus 75 degrees equals 147 degrees. Putting your hand under a 147-degree Fahrenheit hot faucet must be very hot, right?" "Hmm, I think you're right." The engineer smiled appreciatively. He immediately called his secretary and placed an order for $35,000 worth of engines for the next month.
A bank clerk told us about some of his experiences. As a bank clerk, all work must strictly follow the bank's regulations. Before taking a course in interpersonal relationships, I would have told this customer that if he refused, it would be very difficult for us to open an account for him. But this morning, I suddenly thought that instead of discussing what the bank needs, I should focus on what the customer needs. So I decided to start by getting him to agree. The next day, my idea immediately began to take shape. I agreed with the customer's point of view first, then told him that the information he refused to provide was not actually required. "But," I added, "if something unexpected happens, would you be willing to have the bank transfer the money to the family member you designate?" "Yes, of course." he replied. "Then, do you think it's important to tell us the name of that family member so we can handle things according to your wishes without making mistakes or delays?" "Yes." he answered again. At this point, the young man's attitude had softened, realizing that this information was not just for the bank but also for his own benefit. As a result, he not only filled out all the information but also opened a trust account at my suggestion, naming his mother as the beneficiary. Of course, he also provided all the information related to his mother. Because I initially got him to agree, he forgot the questions he originally refused to answer and happily did many things as I suggested.
It is not difficult to get others to say "yes," but this small effort can change a person's mindset and the direction of events. The philosophy behind it is to appeal to what others like and guide them along their natural inclinations, always staying one step ahead in the situation, so that the other person is forced into the "trap" you have set in advance. Mastering effective work methods is a key to success in fierce competition. If you want your opinion to be accepted by others, you must firmly remember: make the other person say "yes" immediately. P409-413