Zhu Jiaming's Advice After Marriage

Author: Zhu Jiaming
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-11-01
Features:
1. Love Rules: How to balance shared time and "personal space" in premarital love life often fills both partners with fantasies and pursuits. But after having their own "nest," numerous unexpected chores may arise one after another. Moreover, as both become "nest dwellers," it seems that fantasies and pursuits no longer exist. If they don't learn to be considerate and understanding of each other, then after reality replaces fantasy, there may be regrets about getting married. Therefore, whether newlyweds or long-married couples, must pay special attention to further deepening their love to keep married life vibrant and lively.
In premarital love, "I love you" often echoes in each other's ears. Some people think, "Since we're already married, living together day and night, why do we need to keep saying 'love, love, love'?" But that's not the case! If one often feels loved by their partner, they will have a sense of fulfillment in their emotional life. For example, if one goes on a business trip for several days and returns to hear the other say, "I've missed you so much and just hope you come back soon," or if one says, "When I was away, I always felt something was missing without you," they will feel they have gained more value in life and recognize their increased sense of responsibility in the love life of their marriage. It's necessary for couples to show a bit of courtesy. If this atmosphere is present more often in daily life, it can create a loving and respectful relationship. This is a silent way to express "I love you" between spouses, and these actions should stem from sincere feelings rather than superficial and rigid pretense.
Allocate "Me" Time While each partner has their own hobbies and responsibilities, some time should be set aside for "us" to enjoy together. For example, a long-married couple, both working in medical fields, had a gentleman's agreement. The husband often had writing tasks and needed to use nighttime for articles, so the wife supported him. They had an unspoken rule: the wife would do grocery shopping after work, and since the husband arrived home first, he would cook. After dinner, they would clean up together. Then, the husband would write his articles while the wife did laundry and cleaned the floor. Whenever the wife sat down to watch a TV drama after finishing chores, the husband would pause his writing for a short break, pour her a cup of tea, and they would chat for a while, both feeling very content. The husband expressed his gratitude for his wife's support of his work, while the wife felt cherished and not forgotten. Of course, going to the park, shopping together, or visiting relatives and friends also enhances life's and strengthens emotional bonds. In short, allocating "us" time to do things that both are interested in is very necessary in married life.
Leave Some "Personal Space" In addition to spending "us" time together, each partner should also have their own "personal space," including allowing each other to have friends of the opposite sex, freedom of communication, and having a little "personal money." Some people think that once married, one shouldn't associate with people of the opposite sex, as it would be disloyal to love. But in real life, whether male or female, one always has to