Retrospective Chronicle (Volume 1, Volume 2)

Author: Zhou Erfu
Publisher:
Publishing Date: 2004-10-01
Features: A person's life, regardless of how long they have been alive, whether it is an elderly person with white hair who has experienced rich and varied hardships or someone who has passed away early, always has different experiences. Whatever has already happened, looking back over the past few years, it is all past events. Tolstoy believed: "Life is real. Everything a person experiences stays in their heart as memories. We always live on memories." (Gorden Vise: "Among Tolstoy") "When will the spring flowers and autumn moon end? How many past events do I know!" It is not the king of a fallen nation Li Hong who would utter such a sigh, "Past events are now empty, just like a dream." "Past events are unbearable to recall under the moonlight." His past events are unbearable to recall. Each person, due to their different environments, has a different perspective on past events. Li Qingzhao, the famous poetess of the Southern Song Dynasty, said: "Afraid of idle worries and hidden resentments, how many things, wanting to say but stopping halfway." When her husband Zhao Mingcheng was away, she felt the sorrow of parting and separation, "Thinking of the Wu Ling people far away, the smoke locks the Qin Tower." "One kind of longing, two places of idle worries." So she felt "Things remain, but people have changed, everything is over, wanting to speak, tears come first." Emperor Gaozong Zhao Gou used Qin Hui's plan to recall the anti-Jin general Yue Fei with twelve golden medals, and Yue Fei sighed: "I want to pour my heart's thoughts into the qin zither, but there are few who understand me, who will listen when the strings are broken?" The Southern Song Dynasty made a humiliating peace agreement. He was unable to fulfill his ambitions and suffered deep inner pain, expressing his extreme dissatisfaction with the surrenderists by writing "Little Mountain" to show opposition. Due to his position, he had no freedom to express his thoughts and could only remain silent. Who would listen to his past events? Historically, Ouyang Xiu was known as "sharp in discussing matters, seen as an enemy by others," and he was therefore frequently exiled. Su Shi said of Ouyang Xiu, "In discussing the great way, he is like Han Yu; in discussing matters, he is like Lu Shi; in recording events, he is like Sima Qian; in poetry and prose, he is like Li Bai." In the poem "Complaint of the Heart," Ouyang Xiu lamented: "Thinking of the past, cherishing the passing fragrance, easily causing injury. Preparing to sing, but first choke, wanting to laugh but stop halfway, heartbreakingly torn." Although it describes the tragic situation of a singing girl in feudal society who has to pretend to be cheerful despite her inner bitterness, does it also reflect the deep emotions of the Sixty-One Scholar? Tang Wan's poem "Hairpin Feng" expresses "Wanting to write down my heart's thoughts, speaking alone by the sloping balustrade. Difficult, difficult, difficult! Afraid of being asked, suppressing tears and pretending to be cheerful. Deceiving, deceiving, deceiving!" It also writes about the inner pain of a woman who suffered persecution, crying and complaining against feudal etiquette. Under the cruel rule of the feudal society, where is there freedom to express one's thoughts and recall past events? Even if expressed, what effect would it have? It could only be swallowed down, deceiving, deceiving, deceiving! Unable to pour out one's sorrows makes it even more painful! As people grow older, they often tend to recall past events. But past events are like smoke. Xin Qiji stubbornly resisted the Jin, fighting against the Southern Song ruling group that advocated surrender and compromise. He wrote "Ten Arguments on Beauty" and "Nine Discussions," proposing strategic principles and specific measures for resisting the Jin, but they were not adopted by the rulers and were constantly excluded and persecuted. In the more than forty years after his return to the South, he was dismissed from office and stayed idle for over twenty years. He recalled his youth, modestly writing "Or as" "The Swan in the Sky," recalling the heroic battle history of leading troops to resist the Jin, capturing the rebel general Zhang An'guo, and breaking through to the south. However, his ambitions were unfulfilled, and he had grown old: "Recalling the past, sighing at present, the spring wind does not dye the white beard. But exchanging ten thousand words of strategies for peace, for the neighbor's tree planting book." The strategies for peace refer to "Ten Arguments on Beauty" and "Nine Discussions," and in the poem, it expresses infinite regret and indignation. The proposals put forward by the famous anti-Jin general in his later years ended up learning how to plant trees from his neighbor. Wu Qian, a famous Southern Song statesman and litterateur, actively resisted the enemy, was dismissed from office many times, and even in his old age, still hoped to achieve something: "At the age of seventy, I dare not refuse to sacrifice my life for the country." This shows his determination to resist the enemy, but he also wrote sentences like: "Sighing over ten years of thoughts, rest, rest. Years are few, people easily grow old, the world is vast, but sorrow is hard to bear." He expressed the grief of time passing, the ease of aging, and the unfulfilled political ideals. Some people also wanted to recall the smoke-like past, but felt "Recalling the past, no trace remains." (Liu Ke Hua: "A New Song") Or "More than twenty years like a dream, though I am still here, it is astonishing. Ascending a small tower to watch the new clear sky, how many things of the past, the fisherman sings at three in the morning." (Chen Yuyi: "By the River") This shows a sense of lamentation for the past. In short, recalling the past is difficult. Therefore, one does not want to look back at the past, "Looking at the evening mirror, mourning the passing scenery, past events and future promises are empty and forgotten." This Zhang Xian, in vain remembers the past events and future promises, feeling empty and confused. Then why should I look back at the past? During the ten years of chaos, I constantly wrote self-criticism documents. At the Guxian Revolutionary Committee in Henan, I was even forced to write a self-criticism, the more detailed the better. When I studied at the private school until the Youth Association Middle School, I was influenced by Gu Yanwu's "Daily Knowledge," and I wrote a diary every day, recording what I saw and heard and my comments on things, as well as my thoughts on reading, to help see the traces of my growth. When the Anti-Japanese War broke out, Nanjing fell, and my family was afraid of getting involved in trouble, so they burned everything, leaving no trace, and from then on, I stopped writing diaries. Because from Shanghai to Yan'an and then to the democratic anti-Japanese base in Jin-Cha-Ji, "purges" were frequent, and I often lived and fought in a mobile state, with little time to write diaries. From Yan'an to Chongqing, working at the editorial offices of "Xinhua Daily" and "The Masses," living in the heart of the Kuomintang's rule, even if there was time, I couldn't write diaries because of the risk of leaking secrets. After the founding of New China, I could write diaries, but I was extremely busy, sometimes not able to rest until 11 or 12 at night, exhausted, and had no energy to write diaries. Moreover, I had long been accustomed to getting up early, and no matter what time I rested, I would wake up early the next morning and start writing, without time to write diaries. From morning until I went to work was my spare time for writing, unbreakable, except for foreign visits. Starting from the autumn of 1954, when I visited India and Myanmar, if I had time to get up early, I would write diaries, but I only recorded the activities during the foreign visit and the scenery of the host country, rarely writing about myself. The Revolutionary Committee forced me to write a self-criticism, and at that time the task was simple, called "labor reform," with more free time, which gave me the opportunity to look back at the past. Like Du Mu said, "Matters go with the solitary swan," or like Su Shi said, "Matters are like a spring dream, leaving no trace." Briefly looking back, many things are not easy to remember, fortunately, the self-criticism was more political and ideological, only needing to record the main points, no need to elaborate, and it took about ten thousand words to write out the main experience. The Communist Party of China completely crushed the counter-revolutionary "Four Gangs" in one blow, the dark clouds in the sky dispersed, and the morning glow shone over the mountains and waters of the motherland, warming the hearts of hundreds of millions of people. Everyone hoped to make up for the losses suffered during the ten years of chaos with doubled efforts to compensate for the lost valuable time. I also had such an urgent desire to engage in writing and work, working ten or more hours a day, constantly busy with a series of tasks one after another, gradually forgetting the past events I had recalled. It was probably in 1979 that the editorial team of "Biographies of Modern Chinese Writers" from Xuzhou Normal University wrote to me, asking for contributions. According to the editorial style, all living writers were required to write their own self-criticisms, and I couldn't refuse, nor could I ask the editor to write it for me, as that would violate the rules, so I quickly wrote a "Brief Biography" to fulfill the request. I finished it on March 13, 1980, and sent it, which was included in "Biographies of Modern Chinese Writers," published by Sichuan People's Publishing House in May 1981. I thought I could "pass the test." In 1987, I received a letter from the editorial team of Xuzhou Normal University, saying they were preparing to revise and supplement the biographies, and according to the rules, they still asked the writer to do it themselves. At that time, I was writing the novel "The Great Wall Stretches for Ten Thousand Li," and if it was interrupted, it often took a lot of time to prepare before I could continue writing. But I had already written the "Brief Biography," and after ten years, it needed to be revised and supplemented, so I had no choice but to look back at the past again. In the spring of 1988, a bronze statue of Comrade Zhou Enlai was erected in front of Jiajiaqian 50 in Chongqing to commemorate his outstanding achievements in leading the difficult and complex struggles in the Kuomintang-controlled areas. At the same time, a celebration was held to mark the 50th anniversary of the founding of "Xinhua Daily." I was invited to celebrate the unveiling of the statue and the anniversary of the newspaper. After the event, I took a boat down the Three Gorges to Wuhan. On the boat, I had more free time, so I looked back at the past and revised and supplemented the "Brief Biography," sending it to Xuzhou Normal University. The editorial team of "New Literary Materials" once asked me to write a self-criticism or a serial of recollections, but I couldn't fulfill the request in time because my main focus was on writing novels and I couldn't spare much time to look back at the past. So I sent the revised and supplemented "Brief Biography" titled "A Brief Review" to the editor, which was published in the 1990 issue. Before that, the deputy editor of the monthly magazine "Report Literature," Fu Xipeng, asked me to write a series of recollections, expressing his sincere hope for support, and unable to refuse his kindness, I wrote "Years in Chongqing" and "At the Crossroads of Peace and War," which were serialized in "Report Literature." The monthly magazine "Report Literature" continued to be published until the 12th issue of 1989, when it came to an end. Fu Xipeng did not visit me with a smile to ask for recollections as before, and I breathed a sigh of relief, able to continue writing novels with full concentration. But the editorial team of "New Literary Materials" was enthusiastic about asking for contributions, and it often lingered in my mind. That "Brief Review" was too "brief" to be considered a recollection, and I should comply with their request to take time to write a recollection to repay their kindness. On the other hand, I felt that the past had already passed and was buried in the graveyard of history, not worth revisiting, why dig up the grave and expose the corpse? Moreover, as people grow older, their memory deteriorates more and more, even if they look back, it may not be entirely accurate. How to start writing about the past that has "no trace" and "no trace"? "How many things, wanting to say but stopping halfway." It is really "Wanting to write down my heart's thoughts, speaking alone by the sloping balustrade. Difficult, difficult, difficult!" It's better not to write. But the editor asked me earnestly to write a "recollection," how could I refuse again? At this time, I remembered Sima Qian who said: "Therefore, recounting the past, thinking of the future." ("Self-Introduction of the Grand Historian") I am certainly not comparing myself to Sima Qian, but personal recollections are not worth looking back at, at most no more than a drop in the ocean. But the great sea does not reject the small stream. Looking back at the past is for the future, to learn from the past and know the future. My life "destiny" has gone through many twists and turns, and on the long road of life, some experiences and lessons are not without reference value for later generations. Therefore, I looked back at the past and took up the pen, either briefly or in detail, depending on the person and the matter, not limited to personal recollections, and not a pure self-criticism, so it is called "Recollections of the Past."