Handler and Ruler

Author: Fang Jun
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-11-01
Features: 4, Making Friends Isn’t a Business
Wang Kuang claims to have friends all over the world, but in reality, he doesn’t have many connections. Wang Kuang loves making friends, and everyone he meets is willing to associate with him. However, after a few interactions, one by one, his friends leave him. Everyone says that Wang Kuang isn’t making friends but rather conducting business—he’s just too “shrewd.” When dining with him, when it’s time to pay, he either rushes to the bathroom or pretends to be drunk. If he pays once out of ten times, he’ll complain for days. When friends ask him for help, he has to think for a long time to see if it benefits him or if it will cause him trouble. But when he needs help from friends, he doesn’t care—sweet words, regardless of whether it puts his friends in a difficult position.
Moreover, Wang Kuang likes to climb the social ladder when making friends. He flatters those of higher status and treats those of lower status coldly. What’s even more frustrating is that Wang Kuang has the skill of turning his back on people without recognition. He has a friend named Zhao Lian, a man with a generous and kind nature. Wang Kuang called Zhao Lian “Brother Zhao” every day and became close friends with him. Once, Zhao Lian argued with a new department head over work matters. At a friend’s gathering, Zhao Lian cursed the new department head mercilessly at the dinner table. The next day, the department head found out and scolded Zhao Lian harshly. How did the department head know what Zhao Lian said while drunk? After thinking it over, Zhao Lian realized the only possible culprit was Wang Kuang, since only Wang Kuang was a colleague from the same organization at the dinner.
After this incident became known, people became even more distant from Wang Kuang. Such a selfish and self-centered person—how do you know when he’ll bite you back? A selfish and self-centered person who only cares about their own interests will never have good interpersonal relationships. Wang Kuang treats making friends as a business—there’s profit, but no virtue. No one likes to associate with such friends, and such people will eventually be abandoned by all.
Between friends, one should help and care for each other. Only then will people help you when you’re in trouble. Pursuing one’s own interests isn’t bad, but if you’re too self-centered in interpersonal interactions, you’ll surely fail. In itself, this self-centered mindset is something everyone may have, but if we can slightly adjust our thinking, not just focusing on our own interests, our relationships will improve. By helping others gain benefits, in the end, those benefits will return to you. This concept of “prioritizing virtue before profit” is essential for anyone seeking a good reputation. Before taking action, think about others’ interests. Have a mindset of serving others, and only then seek your own benefits.
What’s most important between friends is loyalty and affection. If you can maintain this bond, the other person will feel your sincere friendship, and they will treat you with sincerity in return. In social interactions, if you overcalculate gains and losses, this friendship will never last. Whether associating with someone is beneficial or harmful depends on how you weigh it before engaging. If you overthink it too much, you won’t gain true friends or a good reputation. In interpersonal relationships, we are interacting with “people.”