Irregular Marriage: Actively Addressing 15 Types of Crises in Marriage

Author: Gary Chapman [USA]
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2003-08-31
Features: The purpose of this book is to provide practical advice to help those facing marital difficulties move out of the current shadows of their marriage and achieve the fulfilling state they desire. This book is written for you. In this book, the author reminds readers to confront the problems in their marriage but opposes hasty divorce, advising readers not to imagine that the grass on the other side of the fence is greener. In fact, very few people claim that their second or third marriage is happier. In fact, data shows that the divorce rate for the second marriage is 40%, the divorce rate for the third marriage is 60%, and the divorce rate for the fourth marriage is 70%. Dr. Chapman analyzes the various reasons why people's marriages get into trouble, including personality traits, childhood experiences, and values. However, the author believes that all of these can be modified and built upon through proper interactions with love. The author reminds those who are determined to build a happy marriage to reject four myths: First, the belief that one's mindset depends on the environment and that individuals cannot change their marital atmosphere; second, the belief that people cannot be changed, leading to a loss of confidence in both their partner and themselves; third, the belief that when individuals are in a bad marriage, they only have two choices—either to endure unhappiness for life or to simply give up and reject gentle improvement; fourth, the belief that some situations are hopeless and that one should give up efforts from the beginning. The author believes that these myths cause many marriages to lose their sense of order, fall into chaos, and reach a terrible state of being without rules or direction. Dr. Chapman advocates for six principles for building a beautiful and authentic marriage: First, everyone is responsible for their own attitude, striving to think positively about solutions, believing that there must be a way to transform a bad marriage into the right direction and making the choice to take action; second, believing that attitude influences action. A positive attitude can bring positive and beneficial actions, sooner or later; third, firmly believing that I cannot change others, but I can influence them. The closer the relationship, the easier it is to influence each other, and both positive and negative influences between spouses are equally effective; fourth, emotions can be adjusted and controlled, and we should not let negative emotions control our lives; fifth, we can admit that we are not perfect, but it does not mean admitting that we are failures. Marital problems are not caused by one person, but we can take responsibility for our own part; sixth, true love is a powerful weapon to change the world. We must have patience and confidence to give true love, helping our partner and ourselves to find a good rhythm in marriage.