Humorous Three Kingdoms: Ten Jades

Author: Zhou Rui
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-09-01
Features: "Honey, I'm home!" Zhou Yu greeted as he came home from work. But this time Xiao Qiao didn't come to open the door for him, not even a reply. Zhou Yu entered the house in astonishment. Xiao Qiao was nowhere to be seen, and he found an old lady sitting in the living room. Zhou Yu asked the old lady, "Who are you?" The old lady waved at Zhou Yu. Perhaps she was a bit hard of hearing, so she asked Zhou Yu to come closer. Zhou Yu took a step forward. But the old lady continued waving. Zhou Yu took another step forward. Then, in the blink of an eye, the old lady swung her cane and tapped Zhou Yu on the head! Zhou Yu rubbed his head and found a bump. He was furious. He shouted loudly in the old lady's ear, "Who are you, for goodness sake?!" The old lady pulled out her entire head of white hair and burst into laughter. Zhou Yu, with his poor eyesight, recognized the laughter and waved at the old lady. The old lady stepped forward, allowing Zhou Yu to take a closer look. Zhou Yu saw clearly—it was Xiao Qiao in disguise. "Oh, how happy! How funny!" Xiao Qiao couldn't stop laughing. "But," Zhou Yu said with a serious face, "how can you build your happiness on someone else's pain?" Xiao Qiao apologized, "I'm sorry, dear. I couldn't help it." "How so?" "I was shopping earlier and saw a store selling wigs." "You just couldn't resist the urge to buy?" "I could have resisted, but the white wig was on sale—it was too tempting." Zhou Yu sighed, "You bought something completely useless for yourself." "Useless? Not even close." Xiao Qiao said. "Listen to me carefully. After buying the wig, I thought, 'This is completely useless. How can I make it useful?' I walked home, thinking, and just as I reached the door, I had an idea: 'I can disguise myself as an old lady with this wig!" Zhou Yu muttered, "You're really clever." "But can a wig alone make me look like an old lady? That's definitely not enough. I went shopping again and bought an old lady's outfit, shoes, prayer beads, a cigarette pipe, and a cane." "This is much better." "But when I got home, I still thought about how to make full use of the things I bought." "That's very important." "I thought, if I tapped my husband on the head with the cane, that would also increase its utility." "Hmm, that would also increase the utility of my head!" Zhou Yu said angrily, "No wonder foreigners call women 'shopaholics.' In foreign countries, shopping is called 'shopaholic.' You see something cheap and just can't resist—'shopaholic'!" Xiao Qiao was already regretting it at this point. She stroked Zhou Yu's head, "Dear, it's all my fault. I'll listen to you and never shopaholic again..." Three days later, Zhou Yu came home from work and didn't see Xiao Qiao. He muttered to himself, "She must be out shopping again, her blood boiling over some promotion." "I'm home! Honey, open the door for me." Zhou Yu opened the door. Xiao Qiao's hands were full—holding a goldfish tank in her left hand and a cat in her right. After setting things down, Xiao Qiao said to Zhou Yu, "You know, I don't like goldfish, and I don't like cats. But that store had a 'buy one, get one free' deal. If I don't buy, I'll lose out." Zhou Yu gave a wry smile at the fish and the cat: "A small tank of goldfish, plus a free mangy cat." "Oh, I almost forgot!" Xiao Qiao exclaimed. "I need to go out again. You can't have a cat without cat food." Xiao Qiao ran out again. The mangy cat seemed to be a stray that someone had picked up. It cunningly locked eyes with Zhou Yu for a moment before sneaking into the bedroom. Zhou Yu followed closely, not daring to delay. The mangy cat leaped onto the bed and began scratching itself on the bed frame. Zhou Yu roared and started chasing the cat in a frenzy. Amid the chaos, Xiao Qiao returned triumphantly. She said excitedly, "I'm so lucky! I happened to see a huge discount on cat food, so I bought more—it'll last this cat three years!" Zhou Yu sniffed, "I smell moldy!" "There are always some issues when dealing with goods, as long as the cat is fine with it." But the mangy cat showed no interest in the moldy cat food. P2-5