Modern urban singleton communities

Author: Ge Hongbing et al. / Country:
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2003-06-01
Features: In the book Modern Urban Single Clusters co-authored by Ge Hongbing and Hu Liuming, great attention is given to urban single clusters. Single life, as the opposite and complement of married life, is gradually flourishing and thriving in the urban cultural environment. How do singles live, feel, and think? How do they face the emptiness of their rooms and the loneliness in their hearts? This book opens up a hidden world for us through faithful interview records, in-depth understanding, and analysis. In Nanjing, there is a female painter who loves to paint bottles. The bottles she paints are filled with various objects——In fact, is there anyone in this world who is not contained (or rather imprisoned) in a bottle? The environment and reality are like a bottle for our lives, and all the experiences we go through are played out within limited spaces. As mentioned earlier, there is a middle-aged woman named Wang Yun who has been single since her husband's passing. During our interview with her, we noticed an interesting fact: Wang Yun is not only a single woman but also a single mother. Coincidentally, her mother and grandmother were also single women. They lived together, forming a special family made up of three generations of single women. The three women in the older, middle, and younger generations devoted all their love and hope to Wang Yun's son. Over 20 years, they painstakingly raised and educated the child. We cannot know exactly what kind of life education the family provided over decades, but we can reasonably speculate that children raised in such multi-generational single-parent families for a long time are likely to develop distorted views on marriage and family (referring to the husband-and-wife combination). The likelihood of choosing to remain single would be very high. From this story, it seems that the heroine's maternal love for her son, who lost his father, becomes the reason for her choosing to remain single. However, if we assume that the heroine lived in a different environment—one that strongly advocates marriage and family as the mainstream rather than a special environment of three generations of single women—perhaps Wang Yun would have had a much higher chance of remarrying. Therefore, the family environment one grows up in plays a significant role in their life choices.
Ms. J, 55, a primary school teacher, was born into a wealthy family in Shanghai and has always had high standards for quality of life. From a young age, she was full of fantasies about the future. Naturally, her ideals could not be realized in the decades following her birth. At the age of 35, she felt that her husband's cultural background, profession, and personal were far from her expectations and demanded a divorce. She lived alone with her 10-year-old son. She devoted herself to educating her child, supporting him through college and graduate school. She strictly monitored her son's private life, preventing him from making friends casually. Throughout his elementary, middle, and high school years, she almost always checked his phone and letters. The university he attended was in the same city, and she frequently visited the school several times a week. On weekends, she insisted that her son come home, disliking him participating in school activities because of poor school meals. She believed that at home, she could take better care of him. If her son brought friends over, she would tirelessly inquire about their personal and family backgrounds, fearing that her son might make poor choices in friendships.
After completing his studies, her son became extremely introverted, poor at socializing, and unwilling to date. He had a very ideal career as a computer technician and was handsome, but his personality was extremely shy. He spent most of his time online and, despite being in his thirties, still lived with his mother, even though he had good financial conditions and was reluctant to buy a house and live alone.
The above are examples of choosing to remain single due to family influence. In reality, family is a small social environment with a narrow scope of influence and can only affect individuals. Below is an example of how work environment influences a group of women to remain single: In a joint company in Shenzhen that operates household electrical products, the work atmosphere is heavily influenced by Japanese culture, with a strong patriarchal ideology. The company has extremely strict requirements for female employees' work attitudes and abilities, which are considered additional demands in the eyes of Chinese people. The biggest advantage of working at this company is its excellent benefits and high salaries, along with a clear reward and punishment system. Whether male or female employees, as long as they work diligently, are willing to work overtime, take few days off, and make significant contributions, they can receive praise and promotion from their superiors. There is an unwritten rule that the company does not want female employees to get married or have children. If family responsibilities interfere with work, employees may be fired. In such an environment, most female employees from both the Japanese and Chinese sides of the company firmly refuse to marry. To date, aside from a middle-aged female manager who married many years ago, all the white-collar female employees in every department of the company are single. During interviews, when asked about their views on gender discrimination, they said, "If this is called 'discrimination,' it is acceptable. Why can men marry but we can't? However, we think it's better not to marry. Married men don't have to take care of the family, but women can't. If women still work outside the home after having children, raising them becomes a problem. This would inevitably affect the stability of marriage. We are used to freedom and don't want to be burdened by family. Of course, we are not free at work; our superiors are very strict. But after work, we are relaxed and not under the control of the family. We can go shopping, eat at restaurants, visit bars, and make friends with any man—much better than women who have families. Now, our company offers high salaries and good benefits. As long as we stick to not marrying, we can work harder and earn more while we're young—what's wrong with that? Honestly, this kind of high-level white-collar life is not something you can easily have elsewhere. For all of this, we would rather remain single."
Family can influence children's choices in lifestyle; work environment can affect the survival structure of a group. Such influences remain individual or limited. However, in a specific historical period and social environment, a country or region can directly and coercively influence people's choices in lifestyle.
Cross-dressing singles In recent years, China has seen frequent reports about cross-dressers, such as the famous dancer Jin Xing. On television screens, she appears as a very elegant and beautiful woman after undergoing gender-affirming surgery. People who seek gender transition are physically normal, with secondary sexual characteristics that match their original gender. However, due to genetic variations or postnatal influences, they develop psychological gender identities that do not align with their physical characteristics. With advanced medical technology and an open society, people with gender transition desires can now fulfill their wishes. Special gender-affirming surgery clinics have been established in several major cities. In developed countries, gender-affirming surgery has been available for a longer time, and the social environment for transgender individuals is relatively more accepting. However, in China, people are just beginning to recognize the rationality of the existence of transgender phenomena in their minds, but accepting it in reality is another matter entirely. As a result, transgender individuals face much greater difficulties in emotional and sexual matters compared to the general population—tolerance does not equal acceptance. It can be inferred that most of them will become singles.
Lesbian singles The reasons why lesbians become singles are clear. China has no legal provisions allowing same-sex marriage, and same-sex relationships are not protected by law. Therefore, most of them remain single. The phrase "the majority of them" is used because some are bisexual, maintaining legal marriages while adhering to their bisexual orientation. Due to social pressure, lesbians in China generally conceal their identities when participating in social activities, so we cannot yet provide statistics on the number of lesbians in China. However, same-sex activities have become more frequent in recent years, showing a trend of moving from underground to the open. This is something most people can observe without professional insight. Same-sex relationships have a long history in China, with many records in classical texts. In the West, due to the dominance of the church, only heterosexual marriage between men and women was recognized as legitimate. For centuries, same-sex relationships were considered heretical and evil, with the sexual orientation of same-sex individuals being condemned by public opinion and even legal sanctions. In the Western world, the recognition of same-sex relationships is a recent phenomenon. The 2000 Sydney Olympics saw a same-sex rights group display a banner reading "Support the Olympics for Lesbians and Gays." Several states in the U.S. have already legalized same-sex marriage.
The fate of same-sex individuals in China is different. Same-sex relationships have never been illegal in China, but they have always been looked down upon by public opinion. Since 1949, the Chinese government has not publicly addressed same-sex relationships, so they have lived quietly, hiding their sexual orientation, never daring to reveal it. If they do, although there are no legal sanctions, the social pressure alone can make them feel utterly ashamed. In recent years, as same-sex issues have gradually gained tolerance and understanding from mainstream society in the West, same-sex activities in China have shown a tendency to become more open. However, as a marginalized group, they still lack a voice, with the government indifferent to their plight and the media adopting a detached approach. Of course, some writers and scholars have paid attention to their existence. For example, sociologist Li Yinhe has published specialized books on same-sex research and documentation.
Psychological and physiological research shows that same-sex orientation has genetic causes. We also believe that same-sex orientation should not be defined by moral concepts such as evil or obscenity. As long as same-sex orientation does not harm society, it should not be labeled as evil or, nor as obscene or proper.
Of course, same-sex issues have a long history, and resolving them is not a matter of a single day. Currently, we do not necessarily endorse simple measures to legalize same-sex relationships. However, we call on sociologists and experts to conduct more detailed research on this issue rather than ignore their existence. While conclusions can be delayed, attention must begin now. It is said that an openly same-sex rights group—Lesbian and Gay Activity Corner—has emerged in a central Chinese city. We will discuss this issue further in the next chapter, Single Clusters.
1. Confucianism and the Tradition of Human Desire
Confucianism emphasizes the "Heavenly Way" (Tianli) and opposes human desire, advocating that individuals first submit to the interests of the family and state. As a result, it rarely acknowledges human emotional desires or individual happiness. Of course, Confucianism has evolved over time. Early Confucianism, such as that of Confucius in the pre-Qin period, primarily emphasized "Do not impose on others what you do not wish for yourself" and, later, "Die for righteousness" (as advocated by Mencius). Even then, a degree of humanism remained, such as the idea that "Food and sex are natural desires." By the Song Dynasty, Neo-Confucianism, led by figures like Zhu Xi, merged Buddhist asceticism with Confucian ethics, proposing "Preserve the Heavenly Way and extinguish human desire," suppressing all natural human instincts. It seemed as if the Chinese were inherently anti-human. For thousands of years, Chinese rulers used this anti-human Confucian doctrine to educate the people, and gradually, this teaching became ingrained in the national character of the Chinese people, becoming part of their personality. Long-term education ingrained feudal ethical norms into the hearts of the common people, gradually cultivating them into tools for moral practice. The highest ruler could suppress the desires of officials in the ruling class, senior officials could suppress the desires of lower officials, officials could suppress the desires of the people, clan leaders could suppress the desires of their clan members, and parents could suppress the desires of their children and grandchildren. Under the principle of "rulers rule, subjects obey; fathers rule, sons obey," a cruel hierarchical ethical system was formed.