How do women escape the romanticism trap

Author: Regina Mina
Translator: Wu Qingyuan
Country: Germany
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2000-12-01
Features: Jim won't know how many tears I've shed for him. I've written more than 100 pages of diary. But even so, I can't completely let go. But I face this issue very realistically. I'm obsessed with the idea that he's not a playboy at all, that he doesn't realize I'll be his queen. But this kind of thinking doesn't help at all. If he comes closer, I might scream and run away. I can't face this kind of real contact. If we talk for three or four sentences and he stares at me for a long time, showing his personality, I almost lose control. I can't handle this. At the end of the day, I can't look at him. But I also think he's amazing. I really want to understand him. I won't try to deceive him, really. I'll say it's difficult to talk with you. Somewhere, Jim must have sensed this. I'm very sure of that. If I go further, he steps back. And that's exactly what I need to learn: men shouldn't run away from me anymore. Men have always been strangers to me. I can't start relationships with them; they scare me. I always imagine this scene: they tell me I'm not worth loving. In fact, I really want a man to understand me. But I never get the man I want. And the men who want me, I look down on them. Now I've made a decision about love. I love Jim, and I'll always love him. But he doesn't have to be my knight in shining armor anymore, and I don't expect him to love me back. The reason I love him is because he is himself, not a knight in shining armor. I've made progress. I no longer want to marry Jim, nor do I want to have three children with him. I mean, I might not go out for coffee with him anymore. So, the matter can only develop between going out for coffee and having children. Petra has her way of keeping a certain distance from men: first, a married man, someone who already has someone, there won't be any "threat" from that angle. Petra follows the motto: the more unlikely someone seems to be interested in me, the more I might like them. However, she has a moving awareness of her own situation. Petra knows very well that the developments have made her misunderstand the hints and that she easily falls into those dreams. In reality, both Kari and Petra are tormented by fantasies. These two women are never "noticeable" in their lives. They go to work, stay in touch with their friends, and go out at night. But most of their thoughts wander in the world of fantasy, and the tragedy lies in this: maintaining romance requires a lot of energy. The waste is so real that there's almost no energy left for reality. So, where is the way out? A life without small secrets and innocent fantasies is also unsuitable. We know: this isn't like the poster of Münch–Kleitz, we can't go to the cinema to watch it for the fifth time. Give yourself a chance, stop believing anyone's words. But when you lose control and fall into a trap, don't lose your sense of judgment. But if you still insist and everyone around says you're too annoying, then you need to realize you're too stubborn. As time passes, mistaken romance won't bring happiness, only extreme displeasure. You'll become more suspicious and unable to face reality. And since you'll never have a perfect ending, you'll become extremely frustrated. If you, like young people, indulge in fantasies for years, then except for wasting time, you won't leave behind anything worth remembering. A woman's fantasies are always a book that men can never understand. Usually, a woman's romantic passion doesn't make sense to men, nor does it cause them discomfort. They observe life from a practical perspective: is it moving forward or stagnating? For them, romance is just a moment of happiness or a sweet melancholy, not a hypnotic, long-lasting obsession. Two worlds collide here: a woman's world desires a long-lasting connection, while a man's world only requires setting boundaries. Without a doubt, we can see men's independence from this. Swen (32 years old), a dancer, model, and physical education teacher from Hamburg, talks about obsessed women and his role as a temporary prince. —What do you think when women line up to admire you? —I've learned to clearly separate my personal life and work. I never show my true self at work. As soon as I open the classroom door, I say, "Hi, I'm here, I'm in a good mood." I'm in the performing arts industry, and people matter a lot to me. Of course, it's not easy. I have to stay consistent, and I can date people outside the studio. People have to be careful all the time. Recently, I took two girls home after class because it was late, and they immediately wanted to kiss me. I said, "Wait, how old are you two?" Like in the UK, I've noticed in class that no matter how women dress up, with heavy makeup, and they sweat, the makeup just runs down their faces. There's a crowd of fans in front of me. Of course, I stand out more when teaching other classes than when teaching my own. I say, "It's a beautiful feeling, a group of people standing in front of me, listening to what I have to say." Sometimes I find some older women in this crowd. They push forward desperately because they think that's where they belong. I don't attribute this to me but just to the power of habit. The discomfort of this kind of competition for position is a useless and futile act. I mostly teach at night. I'd also like to teach during the day, but my boss makes me work nights. At night, it's a competition, it, and you need a coach to educate them. —You've arranged to have champagne after two night classes, and on the promotional poster, you're also depicted as a pop star? —I think the whole story is quite ironic. I even laugh at myself for it. —Stealing your promotional poster, many women think it's a serious matter. —Really? Then the poster needs a frame. I don't know how it got to this point; maybe I'm a bit too naive. Forget it, one fan once gave me a small, ugly rose frame, which was quite ironic for pop music. To this day, the frame is still on my windowsill. Recently, I haven't received so many gifts. A girl who was obsessed with me sang her own lyrics about me in front of my house. That kind of thing has also happened. But I brought her back to reality, and we later became friends. After that, she fell in love with another man. Another girl who loved me, because we danced together, dancing is somewhat intimate, she might have deepened that intimacy. Another time, I no longer received love letters. I'm not the star people never mention; it doesn't matter what people write, I'm back on stage, or I make a fool of myself again. They want me to quietly be admired rather than embarrass myself. I'm very clear that nothing can anger me. —I don't believe that. Why did you choose this profession? —It's undeniable that at first, I wanted people's recognition and love. But I think happiness can't depend on that alone, otherwise people would be embarrassed. If someone criticizes you, you become mature. But strangely, you belong to the public. If I'm not there, people will say, "Why aren't you going?" They tell me I can't leave, I can't have time for myself, I can't go abroad. But what about them? They come and go as they please, they choose courses or switch them as they like. They do whatever they want. And I can't ask, "Where are you?" —How do you distinguish between your personal space and your life as a celebrity? —Privately, I'm a complete oyster. In public, I seem to have endless energy, as if nothing can knock me down. Privately, I'm full of confusion, my life lacks purpose. I'm very dissatisfied with myself. Only when I'm working am I a sunny boy. I pursue romance myself. I like light music and melancholic, sad things. This is so different from what I show all day. All my energy goes into work. Since May, I've been single again, and my six-year relationship with my girlfriend has ended.