Where are we going

Author: BENJAMIN
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-08-01
Features: Passing through countless alleys across time, through the tears of lovers and the ever-changing figures. Unable to stop, unsure if it's love or not, driven by the desires constantly erupting within, seeking new desires in new worlds. When I was a reckless child, I was always angry, angry, angry; later, I realized that anger only harms the people I love and achieves nothing. Sincere passion cannot withstand the conspiracy of a base desire, whether you love or are angry. Sincerity is always less moving than deception. The peak years of the past and the young man drifting in the vast city, living with countless cats countless times. Shanghai, Tianjin, Beijing, Guangzhou, those lonely streets at night, littered with garbage, the rolling shutters pulling down one by one, me walking alone, livelihood and creation, those streets that lost their daytime hustle and bustle, those loud shouts. The people I once met, Sasha, Xu Laosan, Guli and Wu Qiang; and the girls, Nana, Qiu, along with me; it all seemed unreal. The authenticity that once bloomed in the slums at the heart of those cities and at the corners of the iron staircases, the cheerful skies of those youths, were all fantasies. Was I born this heartless? Was my waist born this bent? It's like a plot from a super-long TV series; though it keeps coming to mind, over and over, I'm confused about which chapter it happened in and no longer moved. I drew and drew, drew for many years. It's said I was just half a step away from becoming an artist, yet I couldn't draw anymore. I've been guarding this sun-drenched room, accompanying two cats of unknown origin, for how long now? I've forgotten. Did I just come back here, or had I never left? I crouched on the floor crying and crying, my hands trembling as if covered in blood. Those of the past, are not me. Even today, I still try to put on a charming smile, but true love has long faded. The scattered remnants cannot withstand the pity, in fact, no one loves anyone. Life is a song that needs to be screamed; it cannot stop until it's sung.