Never Annoy Someone - (Treasure Edition)

Author: Sui Xiaoming
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-09-01
Features: Unrestrained—Without regard for others' feelings
In the late Eastern Han Dynasty, Cao Cao led an army of 830,000 troops southward toward the Jiangnan region. After inspecting the land army camp and the naval camp, it was already late when he saw the Yangtze River under the moonlight, like a wide white silk ribbon. The river was calm, and Cao Cao felt pleased. He ordered a banquet to be set up on a large ship, with music played, and had his officials and generals feast. At that moment, a group of crows flew south, cawing. Cao Cao asked, "What do crows mean when they caw at night?" Someone replied, "The moon is bright, so the crows think it's dawn and fly again." Cao Cao laughed even harder, picked up a weapon, poured wine into the river as an offering, and said, "With this spear, I have defeated the Yellow Turban Rebellion, captured Lü Bu, destroyed Yuan Shu, subdued Yuan Shao, advanced into the northern frontier, reached Liaodong, and dominated the world!" As he spoke, Cao Cao faced the beautiful scenery of the Yangtze River and recited his famous poem, "Singing While Drinking, How Short Is Life!" ("Duàn Gē Xíng"). His officials and generals cheered. Only Liu Fu, the governor of Yangzhou, shouted loudly, "A great battle is imminent, and the soldiers are about to fight with their lives. Why do you say such unlucky things?" Cao Cao asked him, "What unlucky things?" Liu Fu said, "In your poem, 'Bright moon, sparse stars, crows flying south, circling trees three times, no branches to perch on,' it's unlucky." Cao Cao flew into a rage, saying, "You dare to ruin my mood!" With a spear thrust, he killed Liu Fu. Liu Fu had served Cao Cao for many years and had also made many contributions. Moreover, he spoke "frankly and without restraint," pointing out the current situation's characteristics: a great battle was imminent, and arrogance was forbidden. But in front of many officials, he showed no regard for Cao Cao's feelings, and as a result, he met a tragic end. This example teaches us that no matter how close the relationship is or how many merits one has, one should never provoke others in public. Narrow-minded people cannot tolerate such behavior, and even generous people may feel uncomfortable hearing it. Thus, speaking "frankly and without restraint" without considering the occasion or manner often yields poor results. People always have some inner secrets. Keeping these secrets may benefit both themselves and others. Secrets do not necessarily harm others; perhaps they are kept for someone else's benefit. It is almost impossible to tell everyone every truth. People keep certain secrets sometimes for the greater good or to avoid hurting others. Doing things and being a person is indeed a great art. To be completely open and straightforward in everything is not necessarily a good thing. Sometimes, speaking the truth and the whole truth bluntly can be a terrifying thing.
At a company's annual summary meeting, the manager made a mistake while speaking. He said, "This year, our company's profits have increased, and we have already earned 2.3 million yuan." Before he finished, a middle-level leader stood up and corrected the manager, who was still animatedly speaking at the podium, shouting, "You're wrong! You're wrong! That was the mid-year figure. Now we've reached 4.3 million!" The entire hall erupted in an uproar, leaving the manager red-faced and embarrassed, his spirits instantly lowered. His face was completely saved by this sudden remark.
People who are "unrestrained" believe that diplomatic expressions and the indirect communication styles commonly used in interpersonal relationships are signs of weakness and hypocrisy. They think that any word can be said at any time, in any place, and to any person, and they often take pride in their "frankness." However, such people can never achieve great success, even though people believe they are honest.
People who are "unrestrained" usually cannot hold back their words and lose their temper when they notice others' mistakes. They speak without thinking, pointing them out directly without considering others' feelings. Such people are "straight talkers," thinking and speaking without any tact, unaware that people dislike losing face or feeling embarrassed in public.
P28-29