The Complete Record of Our Two Children's Growth

Author: Pan Tianqing, Qian Ying / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-08-01
Features: I often ask myself, are our children outstanding? Since childhood, they were so fragile and unremarkable. Coming from a middle-class family, we thought we couldn’t afford to give them a luxurious material life, so we were determined to shower them with unconditional love. We’ve always had a strong sense of urgency. When our children got into prestigious universities, we didn’t become complacent but continued to encourage them to strive for excellence and prepare them to make the most of their university education. Our children are ordinary—they’re not geniuses or prodigies, and they won’t create miracles overnight. What gives us comfort is that they’ve been working hard, striving to excel and pursue excellence. On the journey of raising our children, our lives have been busy yet fulfilling. From primary school to high school, university, and work, every time we received their excellent report cards and award certificates, our hearts were filled with peace and joy.
The purpose of writing this book is not to set an example for others but simply to share our experiences as parents.
Daughter—Modern communication has brought us close to our daughter. Emails fly back and forth online. Every time I open my inbox, I can’t help but type a few lines—just checking in on her well-being, no longer mentioning studies, because I know our graduate daughter no longer needs reminders about her academic progress. Sometimes, I’ll get a reply instantly: “Mom, I’m doing great. Beijing isn’t that cold, so don’t worry.” It feels as if she’s right beside me, though miles apart.
Her hands are always cold because she’s thin and lacks enough warmth. So, I always remind her to drink milk and eat meat. Of course, we talk about other things too. She’s about to graduate, but where will she go? She doesn’t know. She says, “I’m so busy,” working on her thesis, keeping up with lab work, reviewing tons of materials, and designing a project for a company (collaborating with others). The rest of her time is spent job hunting and preparing for the civil service exam.
Daughter says finding a job isn’t hard, but landing a good one isn’t easy. As they say, nowadays, there are so many undergraduates, and graduates are just “getting by.” There’s also this saying: “Graduate job hunting is full of obstacles—few have smooth paths. They’ve become the ‘box office poison’ of the job market.” The reason? Graduates are weighed down by their high age, high (education level), and high expectations, suffering from a kind of “fear of heights” in job hunting.
A frustrated graduate once lamented that because of the “three highs,” they can’t compete with undergraduates for jobs. There’s also a harsh reality: at talent recruitment fairs, some companies tend to favor male candidates, being more demanding when it comes to women.
I told my daughter not to worry, but she replied, “Don’t believe it—look, a top-notch graduate from Peking University will definitely find a job.” She also forwarded the resumes she’d sent to various companies to me. I thought she was amazing, but she said, “I’ve sent out a batch, and I’ve had interviews with two companies so far, but no word yet.”
The civil service exam was also over—she took the one for the State Administration of Taxation. The results came out, and she did well, exceeding the passing score by 12 points! But she’ll have to wait for an interview invitation, which could take months.
After sharing these updates, she immediately comforted me: “It’s fine—there’s plenty of time. Don’t worry, parents—jobs will always be found.” This was in mid-December 2004.
So, even for a graduate from a prestigious university, finding a job seems to involve three waves of difficulties and slim chances. Then why not go back to your hometown instead of crowding into big cities? If a big city pays 5,000 yuan a month and a small city pays 2,000, it’s almost the same—just work, life, and living.
That’s the truth. In reality, our expectations for our children are both high and low. Setting high goals is to prevent them from wasting their youth, to learn knowledge while young, and to train themselves during the learning process. Once they become useful people, working in big cities or small cities doesn’t make much difference—each has its own advantages.
Daughter didn’t say much about it. On the last day of December 2004, she called home around 11 p.m. and said her job was settled—IBM, the U.S. company.
What? We were quite surprised. We knew IBM was a great company, one that many outstanding graduates from Chinese universities aspired to join. She added, “It’s IBM’s Research Laboratory (CRL) in China.”
“What IBM Research Laboratory?” “It’s the research division of IBM, one of only eight in the world.”
“So, you’re giving up the civil service exam?” “I’ve already signed the contract with IBM (CRL).”
“Decided so quickly? You didn’t even discuss it with us.” “Why would we need to discuss it? Mom and Dad, you don’t know—IBM (CRL) is amazing, and countless people are vying for a spot.”
“But working for a foreign company is tough for girls.”
Parents have a common tendency: when children share their news, they always raise questions or point out problems. Daughter is used to it—she’s always willing to listen to her parents’ opinions, and if they don’t express any concerns, she feels unsettled. But this time, she couldn’t tolerate our doubts. She believed choosing a good company, a supportive work environment, and one where she could excel were the most important things.
She said getting into IBM (CRL) was already a big step up, exceeding her actual expectations.
Daughter studied applied psychology for her graduate degree. When she chose the major, we had some doubts: What kind of department could she work in after graduation? Chinese companies, let alone central government agencies, don’t have a high demand for this field. We had to admit the foresight of American companies and their robust research systems.
IBM was founded in the U.S. in 1914 and is the world’s largest information technology multinational company, employing over 300,000 people worldwide and ranking in the top 10 of the Fortune Global 500 for many years. Its annual revenue is around $100 billion.
IBM Research Laboratory (CRL) was established in Beijing in 1995 and is one of the eight research divisions IBM has set up globally. The lab has over 100 researchers, all with doctorates or master’s degrees from top universities.
For outstanding students, getting into IBM might not be difficult, but getting into IBM (CRL) is challenging. In July 2005, the 2002 and 2003 graduate batches (Daughter was part of the 2002 class) graduated simultaneously, making the competition even fiercer.
So, when the news spread that Daughter, the only psychology major from Peking University to be admitted to IBM (CRL), it came as a surprise to professors and classmates. No one expected that an ordinary, unassuming girl could outperform dozens of others in her department and stand out quietly.
What is an ideal career? It’s something you love and feel suited for. Although Daughter couldn’t say for sure that IBM (CRL) was the perfect fit, the company profile brochure deeply moved her:
“IBM places great emphasis on employee training, spending nearly $3,000 per employee annually.”
“IBM’s management style is human-centric, showing respect for employees in every aspect.”
“IBM recruits talent without discrimination, emphasizing diversity and maximizing employee potential.”
IBM’s high salary is also a strong draw. Combined with high future growth expectations, this is why Daughter chose IBM (CRL) over the civil service exam.
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