Grim World

Author: Ambrose Bierce (USA)
Publisher:
Publication Date: 2006-07-01
Features: I murdered my mother with extreme cruelty. After that, I was arrested and sent to court for trial. This trial lasted for seven years. When making a statement to the jury, the judge who granted the acquittal said, "In all the acquittals I have handled, this is the most terrible one." Hearing this, my lawyer stood up and said, "Your Honor, whether a crime is terrible or not depends on perspective. If you were to learn about the details of my client's previous murder of his uncle, you would realize that in this later crime (if it can even be called a crime), he showed a certain filial piety and tolerance towards the victim. The previous murder was an outrageous act of violence and was indeed a crime, and no other conclusion could be reached. If the judge presiding over him were the president of an insurance company, and my client had just signed a contract for a hangman's insurance policy, you would understand why he was acquitted so honorably. Moreover, Your Honor, if you wish to wait until you have heard the full story before passing judgment, then this unfortunate man (my client) is willing to endure mental suffering to recount it and guarantee that every word is true."
"I object, Your Honor," said the district attorney. "This statement is purely testimony, and the case is already closed for testimony. The criminal's statement should have been made three years ago, in the spring of 1881."
"In a legal sense, you are correct," the judge said. "If in the objection and technical court, the ruling would be in your favor. But in an acquittal court, it is not valid."
"I object," said the district attorney. "You have no right to object," the judge said. "I must remind you that if you wish to object, you must temporarily transfer this case to the opposition court and submit a formal written application. This court has already rejected your written application and similar requests from the former lawyer of your department in this case's trial. Clerk, have the criminal swear an oath."
After completing the routine oath, I made the following statement. My statement made the judge deeply realize that the crime I was tried for was trivial compared to the previous one, so there was no need to investigate further to gather new mitigating evidence. He merely gave the jury the final explanation on the application of the law. As a result, I left the court without any damage to my reputation.
"In 1856, I was born in Kalamazoo, Michigan, to parents of considerable reputation. Thank heavens, my father is still alive today so that he can comfort me in the days to come. In 1867, my family moved to California and settled near Blackhead. My father took up the business of highway robbery, never expecting to make a fortune. At that time, he was silent and stern, with a cold and imposing demeanor. As he aged, this sternness has somewhat softened, and I am sure that he now shows a genuine joy from within. But my actions have made him sad. The outcome of this trial has made it impossible for him to let go and show his true joy."
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