N Stories of Adolescent Psychology

Author: Su Chunli, Lou Xin Yue
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features: The news of the "top scholar" jumping off the building spread throughout the entire university campus. People were stunned, especially those familiar with him—his classmates, teachers, and hometown peers—more so for his recklessness. Who could have imagined that four years ago, he had been in the spotlight? The male student who jumped had entered this university, known as a key institution but rarely home to provincial scholars, with a top provincial score four years prior. After entering, the school leadership and teachers paid him great attention, dedicating half a semester to promoting him alone. He became a focal point across the campus, known to all. However, the favor of teachers, envy of classmates, and flattery from others made him arrogant. He assumed he was the best and grew extremely proud. He often skipped classes because he thought the teachers were poor, never participated in group activities, and instead spent his days lost in martial arts and romance novels, living in confusion. Teachers worried about his decline, constantly urging him to temper his pride, but he dismissed their advice as mere words. He believed his intelligence made exams easy, yet despite never failing, his grades remained mediocre. By his senior year, he wasn’t on the list for postgraduate recommendation. So, he declared to the class that he would pursue a master’s degree in computer science at a nationally renowned university. From then on, he studied day and night. Unfortunately, due to his weak foundation in his major, he struggled to keep up. In March, when results were announced, his major courses all failed to meet the passing threshold—a devastating blow to his long-pride. Staring at his transcript, he stood motionless for a long time, his spirit crushed like a frost-damaged eggplant. The next morning, his body was found in front of a 14-story office building. In his pocket lay a blood-stained notice and a suicide note. He wrote, "I chose death because I knew I could no longer be proud. Without pride, my life is meaningless." The root of his downfall was arrogance, which killed the "provincial scholar." Because he was always lost in self-adulation, once his dream shattered, his arrogance couldn’t bear the weight, leading to his mental breakdown.
For any normal person, there is a "desire to excel," but this isn’t the same as arrogance. A desire to excel is a driving force that pushes one forward, and if used properly, it can be limitless and inexhaustible. It is the tendency or personality trait of striving to move upward, never settling, and aiming for the greatest success to surpass oneself and others. A desire to excel can develop positively or negatively. A positive development is what we call ambition or a drive to improve. Such people will always seek ways to enhance themselves, mastering solid skills to surpass others. Conversely, a negative development is false ambition, manifesting as extreme arrogance. Those with this trait don’t strive to improve but instead become complacent, belittling others’ achievements while stagnating, like the rabbit in the tortoise-and-hare race mocking others’ progress. Arrogance stems from excessive self-awareness. It breeds fantasies and often creates a false sense of superiority. From this flawed mindset, they display an arrogant attitude of thinking they know best and being stubbornly self-righteous. Always dissatisfied with oneself is a sign of cowardice; always content with oneself is foolish. Excessive self-satisfaction is a form of ignorance—it may create a temporary sense of happiness but is ultimately self-deception. The great writer Oscar Wilde once said, "When people think themselves too great, it only shows how small they truly are." "There’s always someone greater than you," as the saying goes. No one is a perpetual winner. Thus, arrogant people are profoundly ignorant.
The epitome of arrogance may be Ne Zhen of the Eastern Han Dynasty. Ne Zhen was talented but arrogant, always looking down on others. At the time, Xu was a newly built capital where scholars and wise men gathered from all directions. Someone suggested to Ne Zhen, "Why not go to Xu and associate with the renowned Chen Changwen and Sima Boda?" Ne Zhen replied, "How could I mix with butchers and tavern keepers?" Another asked, "What about Gou Wenruo and Yue Zichang?" Ne Zhen said, "Gou Wenruo might look decent and could serve as a mourner for others; Yue Zichang is big-bellied and loves to eat—he’d be good for overseeing kitchen banquets." Ne Zhen was friendly with Kong Rong of Lu and Yang Xiu but praised them with arrogance: "The elder Kong Wenju and the younger Yang Zude are the only worth mentioning; the rest are mediocre." Ne Zhen called Kong Rong "the elder Kong," though he was nearly half his age. Kong Rong highly regarded Ne Zhen’s talent, recommending him to the court and praising him to Cao Cao multiple times. Cao Cao then wished to meet him, but Ne Zhen claimed to have a "manic disorder," refusing to see him and instead speaking harshly. Cao Cao was furious but, recognizing his talent, hesitated to kill him. Later, Ne Zhen repeatedly insulted Cao Cao and his officials, and was eventually executed.
There is a saying, "Humility is like a valley," meaning one’s heart should be as empty as a valley. This is a fitting description of humility. Only emptiness allows you to hold things; arrogance, however, leaves no room for anything but oneself. One progresses through humility and descends into decline through arrogance. Success is indeed something to be proud of, but arrogance is self-destruction. Laozi said, "Not showing oneself, hence clarity; not being self-righteous, hence prominence; not boasting, hence achievement; not being arrogant, hence longevity." This means that a person who doesn’t display themselves will stand out; who isn’t self-righteous will surpass others; who doesn’t boast will continuously improve and achieve success. If someone, after success, indulges in self-adulation and stagnates, they are signing their own success’s end.
P65-67