Home - (High School Part) (Revised Edition)

Author: Ba Jin
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features: One afternoon, after attending a meeting at the Student Union, Juehui returned home and met Qian Sǎ, the maid of Grandmother Chen in the hall. Qian Sǎ said, "Third young master, Grandfather is calling you. Go quickly." He followed Qian Sǎ to Grandfather's room. Grandfather, who was over sixty, lay in a wicker chair in front of the bed, his body appearing very long. His long face was tinged with a dull yellow, and he had two white mustaches on his lips. His head was bald, with only a little gray hair. His eyes were closed, and a faint sound was coming from his nostrils. Juehui stared intently at the old man dozing in the chair. He stood nervously in front of Grandfather, not daring to wake him but also not daring to leave. At first, he felt extremely uneasy, as if the air in the room was pressing down on him. He stood quietly, hoping Grandfather would wake up soon so he could leave early. Later, his anxiety gradually lessened, and he began to observe Grandfather's dull yellow face and bald head. Since he could remember, he had had an image of a solemn Grandfather in his mind. Grandfather was a man revered and feared by the entire family, often exuding an aura of inviolability. He had rarely spoken more than five words with Grandfather. Every morning and evening, he would go to Grandfather's room to pay respects twice as usual. Additionally, whenever he saw Grandfather approaching, he would try to avoid him, feeling constrained in his presence. Grandfather seemed to be a completely unapproachable person. Now, Grandfather looked extremely frail before him, lying weakly in the chair, drool trickling from his slightly open mouth, wetting the fabric around his chin. "Grandfather wasn’t born stiff and unemotional," he thought. Suddenly, an old poem came to mind: "Preferring light makeup to heavy, natural charm surpasses all, indeed I’m moved by your beauty, why blame Tan for his passion?" He recited the verses left by his deceased grandmother for a courtesan (which he had recently read in Grandfather’s poetry collection), and immediately, the image of young Grandfather appeared before his eyes. He smiled faintly. "Grandfather was once a frivolous man too; he only became solemn later in life." He remembered that Grandfather’s own poetry collection also contained many verses for courtesans, and he had given poems to more than just one courtesan. He thought, "This was all before he turned thirty. Perhaps he became rigid and moralistic only after getting older." However, in recent years, Grandfather had occasionally socialized with xiaodan opera actors and even once invited a famous xiaodan to the house for a costume photo session, which he had witnessed firsthand in the living room. Such things were not unusual in the provincial capital. Not long ago, some elderly men who presided over the Confucian Association had loudly proclaimed in the newspapers the "Peking Opera Rankings," naming certain flower as the. It was said to be a refined affair. Grandfather was also a scholar, having published two volumes of his poetry collection, "Dunzhai Poems," for friends, and he enjoyed collecting calligraphy and paintings, so he was not immune to such trends either. "But how can refined matters coexist with the spirit of upholding righteousness?" he wondered, unable to understand it with his young heart. Grandfather had another concubine. This woman, though often heavily made up and fragrant, showed no coquettishness. Her voice was sharp, and she often fidgeted. She was bought to serve Grandfather after his grandmother’s death. Grandfather seemed to like her very much and spent nearly a decade with her. She also gave birth to his sixth uncle, but the boy only lived to five before falling ill and dying. He remembered Grandfather’s appreciation for calligraphy and paintings alongside this concubine and couldn’t help but chuckle. "People are so contradictory," he thought, feeling even more puzzled by Grandfather. The more he studied, the more confusing Grandfather became to him, as if he was a riddle, an unsolvable one. Suddenly, Grandfather opened his eyes and looked at him, his expression filled with surprise, as if he didn’t recognize him. He waved his hand, telling him to leave. He wondered why Grandfather had called him over, made him wait for a long time without speaking, and then simply dismissed him. Just as he was about to ask, he noticed the displeasure on Grandfather’s face. He realized that speaking too much might invite scolding, so he quietly walked out. P58-59