10 Ways to Cultivate Your Child's Willpower

Author: Li Lingqing, Cui Huafang / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features:
2. Teach Children to Survive
People only think about how to protect their children, but that is not enough. We should teach them how to protect themselves after growing up, how to endure the blows of fate, how not to be swayed by luxury or poverty, and how to survive in the snowfields of Iceland or on the scorching rocks of Malta when necessary. — Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher
A truly loving parent should be concerned about whether their child can adapt to this competitive world in the future. It is very cruel to push a person who has been nurtured by their parents and lacks social experience and self-sufficiency skills into society, and it is an outcome that parents do not want to see.
Qiaoqiao is 11 years old now. She does everything according to her mother’s wishes and never argues with her. Since she knows few children, Qiaoqiao spends most of her time at home. Occasionally, she goes to her neighbor’s house to play with kids, and her mother always makes sure she wears neat and pretty white clothes. Because her mother is very particular about cleanliness and does not want her children’s clothes to get dirty. Qiaoqiao is always very careful whether she is playing or sitting. For example, when the kids play hide-and-seek, she is always the one caught because she never hides. The kids ask her why, and she says, “My mom doesn’t let me get my clothes dirty.”
Once, the kids invited her to visit Yuanyuan, who was sick and being treated in the hospital. Qiaoqiao said, “My mom won’t let me go to the hospital because she says it’s dirty.” Qiaoqiao always mentions her mother and follows her mother’s commands and rules without daring to step out of line. She always mentions her mother before speaking, and “mother” has become her catchphrase. The kids find her timid and troublesome and do not want to play with her.
To help a child successfully step into the outside world, parents must cultivate their independence and confidence from a young age. If parents always do everything for their children, it will only make them timid and lack courage. Overbearing parents not only deprive their children of confidence and courage but also make them feel insecure. Security can only be established on the foundation of using their own abilities to handle problems.
Parents who like to be overbearing treat their children as their own private property, depriving them of the opportunity to develop their own abilities, which is exactly what children need to grow. To give children the ability to survive independently, parents must give them opportunities to be independent and let them complete their responsibilities on their own, even if the results are not positive. Because a bird kept in a cage will gradually lose its ability to fly. Even if it is later placed in a more open environment, it will no longer be able to spread its wings and fly.
There is no need to worry about temporary success or failure if a child can complete things independently. In fact, as long as a child tries to do something, it is already a step toward success. Wise parents avoid forming a spiritual on their children without realizing it, leaving them space to develop freely and focusing on cultivating their ability to survive independently.
Daisaku Ikeda of Japan said, “Today, since ‘independence’ has become the backbone of growth education, the content of ‘household education’ should also change accordingly. Parents often say, ‘If you do that, you’ll get scolded!’ ‘You’re not allowed to do that!’ But this old routine may not be enough anymore. Instead, say, ‘Yes, that’s right.’ Positive guidance has become a necessary educational method.”
Life needs to be forged by oneself, so parents might as well let go earlier, allowing children to constantly practice and master their future, forming the ability to survive independently at an early age. This will benefit their future immensely! P6-7