Q&A

Author: Lei Shuyan
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-06-01
Features: "Among the countless words that inspire and motivate, my favorite are the two characters 'strive.' This was something I wrote to a young friend many years ago. It's not empty rhetoric; it's a whip that drives me forward on the path of life. Now, whenever I drive through unfamiliar villages and see those children with straw baskets on their backs, holding sickles, their clothes ragged, heading joyfully or sadly toward the fields, I feel that they are like the childhood version of myself. That was where my life began. When I first picked up a book to go to school, I didn't know why I felt such immense excitement. Although my parents always told me that education could change our family's poverty and low social status, I didn't associate a book filled with black ink with anything else. I only knew that there were many things in the book that I didn't know, tempting and enriching me. I was a diligent child—not because I later became a writer and received praise for it. When I was still in first grade, I would wake up my grandfather early in the morning during winter, light the oil lamp, and pack my schoolbag. Then, my mother would also get up, adding a couple of burning pieces of charcoal to the small iron bucket hand warmer. Holding it, I would go door to door calling on classmates who were much older than me. I still remember the clear winter morning sky, the dry cold air, and the stars that always shone above us. I wasn't as clever as children today: small, answering TV reporters' questions with a clear voice: "I want to be a writer!" "I want to be a singer!" "I want to be an artist!" Why did I vow to become a celebrity from a young age? I don't know. I only remember answering others: "I don't want to be a farmer." Because I witnessed and experienced their suffering, exhaustion, hunger, and lack of respect; I wanted to escape the fate of my parents! This was also the only expectation my parents had of me. However, after graduating from junior high school, I decided never to go back to school. I was influenced by the propaganda at the time to become a returning rural youth, like Han Meimei who was famous for raising pigs. My father used cruel labor to teach me a lesson. He said, "Alright!" Then, he prepared a dung basket and made me carry manure heavier than my own weight to the fields over two miles away. By the afternoon, my small shoulders had swelled and turned red. My mother's tearful sympathy did not sway my father. It wasn't until my will wavered that his large hand regained its affectionate touch, sending me back to school. I knew then that I had to study and that I had to study well. This wasn't just for me, but also for the generations who would follow me. It wasn't until many years later, after reading more books and biographies of extraordinary figures, that I understood that studying was for the strength of the nation and to learn the skills to serve the people. I have read many books by famous people and began to admire and be obsessed with them, often immersing myself in the great art and great endeavors they created alone. But I was very timid then and didn't dare to say that I would become them or surpass them. Perhaps I was right. Because later, when I read articles by psychologists, I came across this passage: "A madman says, 'I am Lincoln'; an unwell person says, 'I wish I were Lincoln'; a healthy person says, 'I am me, and you are you.' This is a quote by the American psychologist Friedrich Perls. I could only be myself: a child surrounded by relatives who had never read a book or held any power; a child with no inheritance to inherit and who had to worry about daily food and annual tuition fees. Fortunately, I was physically sound and had well-developed senses. For this alone, I am forever grateful to my parents, let alone that they fought tooth and nail to create a chance for me to go to school.