Patient's question:
Problem Description: I have been married for more than two years, but we haven't had sexual intercourse yet. I have also gone to the hospital for a check-up, but there were no results. The main issue is psychological—since childhood, I have been afraid of pain and have been very sensitive. This is still the case now, and whenever it comes to the critical moment, I become afraid. I have also searched online about this issue and found it referred to as sexual intercourse phobia. I would like to ask, what can I do about it? Thank you.Doctor's answer:
Hello, sexual phobia is a psychological disorder. It is recommended that you seek psychological counseling and treatment. If necessary, you can contact us.How to eliminate a newlywed wife's sexual phobia
In the early days of marriage, the newlyweds turn their hesitant, hazy sexual desires into reality, and most are quite satisfied. However, some brides develop an invisible fear of sexual behavior. Even when their husbands touch them, they may scream or faint. This is known as "sexual phobia."
So, what causes this phenomenon? According to sex psychologists, it is mainly caused by a lack of sexual knowledge. For example, some girls in love often feel an inexplicable fear when they imagine a bright future. They worry that sex on their wedding day might be painful, or that they might bleed profusely downstairs... Whenever they think about this, they can no longer continue, even considering giving up on marriage altogether. This increases their psychological burden and fosters initial fear.
Some brides are influenced by feudal ideology, believing that sleeping with a man is vulgar, dirty, and that sex and pregnancy are mere pleasures for men and suffering for women. Before marriage, anxiety and fear fill their minds. After marriage, these emotions and absurd thoughts only intensify during sexual activity.
Others suffer from chronic illnesses but still have sexual instincts. Driven by sexual desire, they often struggle to suppress their urges. Due to a lack of necessary knowledge, they are unsure whether sexual activity will affect their chronic conditions, leading to fear of harming themselves during intercourse. This also creates psychological fear.
There are two methods to eliminate female sexual fear:
(1) Knowledge acquisition: Many women's sexual fear stems from a lack of knowledge. As some scholars have said, "Ignorance and unease breed fear, while knowledge and reassurance reject fear." Therefore, couples should read books together about sexual knowledge to understand women's sexual psychology, sexual responses, and related physiological and psychological knowledge.
(2) Attention diversion: Shift your focus away from the fear object to other things. This is an effective way to eliminate sexual fear. For example, during the first sexual encounter, if the woman is timid and fearful, the man should be especially caring and tender, showing affection and patience. Engage in conversation, gradually stimulating her sexual desire, and when she can no longer resist her impulses, proceed with sexual intimacy step by step. In this way, the fear will naturally disappear.