Within the room, beyond desires

Author: Zoushou
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2004-08-01
Features: It’s a good story, not to mention a song of innocence and experience in desire. The story unfolds along the themes of "expectation" or "waiting," with the female protagonist Nan, who could also be any young woman living in the city, waiting for love and sex to arrive together. However, this expectation is ultimately severed—sex and love do not come hand in hand, and people pass each other by. In an era where love becomes more abstract, sex or desire approaches people, becoming a more straightforward issue: pure pleasure? A troubling problem? Profound shame? Perhaps all of the above. But as we engage in physical love, we witness the absence of spiritual care, which has become the root of illness for countless people. There are many ways to read a book, just as there are many ways to look back on a period of time. From a convenient perspective, it’s a book about youth, and it’s quite popular—it’s about the harsh youth. From a perspective of indulgence, it’s about emotions and sex, and what’s particularly appealing is that it doesn’t focus on fortunate emotions or similarly unlucky sex, especially the latter. Room is a virtual yet overly human character, which is a bit frustrating, but thankfully, many things happen outside of Room. Desire is a real yet overly dehumanized thing, which is quite exciting. Yes, desire hatches various dark and cruel desires within it, and these grow secretly and crazily in the text, almost replacing the dull and flat characters to become the protagonists. What I wrote is such a woman. At the beginning of the story, she is fortunate enough to have someone to pour her emotions into, until they leave. In her brief life experience, she hasn’t yet learned how to let the remaining emotions evaporate, so she lets herself be soaked in the flesh and the sweat of men. She can allow a stranger to use her as a "one-night stand." Without love, there is no harm; without desire, there is no disappointment. But what else is there beyond desire? Love must hurt, and be hurt by others, because to love deeply requires it. How can it pierce to the bone? It must be sharp, piercing in, drilling in, to tell her, "I am all in." In my novel, the girl falls in love at first sight with a rock guitarist. He calls her foolish. He has no money, no household registration, no diploma. He asks, "Why do you like me?" But she is moved by his music. Behind them is the gray sky of the Huangpu River. He says he will leave because of love. She doesn’t understand, but she still nods. They stay together for a year, and the boy really leaves, in a winter full of holidays. He says, "I will let love pass me by." After loving someone, you are marked, and the mark never fades. This is the love I have experienced. I wrote two long novels—is this an attempt at desensitization therapy? I thought I finally could live a good life alone. Last March, listening to Xu Wei’s "Often Walking," listening to "In the Years of Youth, We Couldn’t Help Ourselves," tears streamed down my face. It was a singer we both loved. A flower, even if it falls on muddy ground, is still beautiful.