How to Be a Successful Person

Author: Mercer (USA)
Translator: Shi Jinghuan
Editor-in-Chief: Zhu Ling / et al.
Publisher:
Publish Date: 1999-06-01
Features:
Excerpt: The Impression of a Carved Image
This chapter will discuss the first high-efficiency skill, which is essentially making a deep impression on anyone quickly. At the same time, we will also look at how to start using skill two proficiently, which is to persuade, influence, and negotiate in a calm and skillful manner.
How to Be Approachable
To persuade, influence others, and negotiate with them, the first step is to be approachable. In negotiations, to achieve this step, you must first make a good impression on the other party. To illustrate this point, you can try imagining a person who makes you feel particularly uncomfortable. This person seems to genuinely misunderstand you or not be able to connect with you. You would certainly find it difficult to connect with this person. Furthermore, imagine this person trying to persuade you to do something. To what extent would you be willing to listen to this person you feel uncomfortable with? On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is low and 10 is high, how likely would you be to listen to this person? I have asked this question to hundreds of people. 99% of them answered that they would only be willing to listen to this person to a degree of 1, 2, or 3, with a few answering 4. Clearly, the ratio is very low. This demonstrates how difficult it is to persuade people who feel they are difficult to get along with to do something or agree to do it.
Imagine a person you find particularly difficult to get along with. The moment they start trying to persuade you to do something, your mind will immediately start working, looking for reasons why you disagree with it or why you cannot do it. Is that right? In fact, even before this person finishes explaining their perspective, you are almost certainly already considering reasons to refuse.
Now, let’s try a different angle. Imagine a person you find very approachable. You feel that you connect with them. You feel that you are on the same wavelength. Additionally, you are certain that this person understands your thoughts, needs, feelings, and opinions. Regarding this person, please answer the following question: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is low and 10 is high, to what extent are you willing to listen to this person you feel very comfortable with? I have asked this question to hundreds of people. Their answers were mostly 7, 8, or 9, sometimes even 10. This illustrates a fundamental fact about human nature: people are often willing to listen to those they feel comfortable with rather than those they feel uncomfortable with.
It is very difficult to influence someone you don’t feel comfortable with. After all, most people refuse to listen to those they don’t get along with. They will come up with various reasons to avoid being persuaded or dominated by people they don’t connect with.
How do we describe someone we feel comfortable with? We might say to ourselves: “I feel comfortable with you. I feel that we are a good match.” “I feel at ease with you, which is great. I really feel that we are on the same page.” “I feel very comfortable with you. You completely understand my thoughts, needs, feelings, and opinions.”