Invincible Business Xiao An

Author: Man You
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2005-08-26
Features: Be happy when happy, be sad when sad, act when it's time to act, why not sleep when you can sleep? Shang Xiaohan pursues nothing but the word "freedom."
Excerpt: Shang Xiaohan's philosophy—Are you ready? Let's tiptoe, slowly extend your left hand, raise your head, and press your right nostril with your left index finger. Take a deep breath, then another, deeper breath. Did you feel it? That pure, innocent, clear something? I ask you what you felt. Did you not feel it? No way, it's so obvious. Still don't know? Tsk. Then let me tell you. That is the transparent air that Shang Xiaohan has been breathing, the philosophy of Shang Xiaohan.
To talk about Shang Xiaohan, one must first understand her philosophy. Her philosophy is no philosophy at all. The verse by the Sixth Patriarch Huineng says, "Bodhi is like a tree, there is no tree; the mirror is not a platform, there is no platform." So, she proudly claims that her current level surpasses even Huineng. Huineng still adhered to Buddhism, but Shang Xiaohan has even abandoned Buddhism. She firmly believes she is absolutely different from ordinary people. This goes back to when she was two years old. If you show even a little curiosity, she will tell you that when she was two, her mother left her abruptly to study far away, leaving her and her father alone and dependent on each other.
Next, what made her even more proud was that by the second grade, she could already read the original version of Journey to the West. Then, what made her proud was that she never needed to study math and still passed every math exam with flying colors. And so on, and so on. So far, I haven't heard anything she's said that doesn't prove she's either a genius or a natural fool? Who knows? She was born on April 2, 1983, at midnight.
Her firm principle is the "100% laziness principle": "If you can lie down, don't sit; if you can sit, don't stand; if you can stand, don't run; if you can run, don't jump." Her favorite saying is, "Even if you lack knowledge, you should have common sense." She likes to act cute, squinting her eyes and rubbing against people. She likes to say, "Dai!" Of course, she is also quite plump.
Shang Xiaohan is from the North, but in 1996, she moved south with her parents and became part of the Lingnan land. According to her, she is a genius. This genius likes to do is reading novels and writing. It's quite pitiful, really. Let's say her second grade of elementary school. Starting with Journey to the West, she read countless masterpieces. For a while, her parents were delighted, her teachers moved, and her classmates envied her. What a promising student! Shang Xiaohan immediately became arrogant, reading books on everything from astronomy and geography to the past and present, both east and west. Until one day, her parents found a pile of forbidden books in the third empty space of her bedroom bed frame in the fourth square and asked her about it. She replied, "They're just martial arts novels, romance, science fiction, and comics."
Well, the four vulgar books are all there, plus an "and so on." It's really regrettable. As for Shang Xiaohan's writing, it's actually terrible, except for her essays, which are passable. She writes things like, "A beautiful life is like a gentle stream flowing through the mountains; a beautiful life is like a bird soaring between the trees, singing in the branches." What nonsense! It's just about to hold up. But the novels she writes can only be described with the four words "unbearably terrible."
By the way, I've been talking about Shang Xiaohan for so long but haven't mentioned what she looks like. Her original hair was already long when the story began. Her glasses also boldly wanted to be replaced with Durex, but she ended up hating it and still wearing two large glass cups as the bases. She is quite tall, 167 cm, but because of her weight, no one believes her height. As for her appearance, oh, she was originally a beautiful girl, but because of her glasses, she became quite unattractive. And to most people, a fat little girl is always unattractive. But she is actually quite cute, with a high nose bridge, small lips, and a round face. It makes you want to pinch her just to have some fun. But that's only if you can tolerate her fiery temper. If you pinch her, I bet the next one being pinched will be you, and you'll be flattened.
Alright, Shang Xiaohan, I've basically introduced her. Is there anything missing? It seems there isn't. Not to mention Shang Mu.
Speaking of pickles, one must mention vinegar; speaking of Guangdong, one must mention lychees; speaking of Chinese history, one must mention the War of Resistance—just like the saying goes. Speaking of Shang Xiaohan, one must mention her parents, especially her mother, Shang Mu. This mother is a young marriage mother. She got married at just 19, so you can still pretend to mistake her for Shang Xiaohan's sister or friend. Of course, to maintain this beautiful appearance, one must first start with mental preparation. So, her immaturity, clumsiness, and childlike innocence are unavoidable. Maybe you don't believe it, but this woman has always been praised as an epitome of elegance, beauty, virtue, and gentleness. Yet, this doesn't just show that behind the scenes, to maintain this glorious image, Shang Mu has to vent so much immaturity and clumsiness?
One day, Shang Mu was cooking, and she yelled to Shang Xiaohan, who was watching TV outside, "Xiaohan! Help me get the cabbage out of the closet!" Shang Xiaohan was lost in the TV drama and mumbled in a daze. Following her philosophy, she didn't want to use her brain if she didn't have to, so she turned and went into the bedroom and started searching for the so-called cabbage. About ten minutes later, "Mom! There's no cabbage here!" "You're lying! I just bought it this morning!" Shang Mu yelled in the kitchen, her knife mercilessly hacking at the poor chicken in her hand.
"No," Shang Xiaohan continued, but her tone was weaker. "I'll go myself!" Shang Mu came out and forcefully opened the refrigerator, pulling out a bunch of cabbage. "What is this?" "Cabbage," Shang Xiaohan replied. "Why didn't you find it earlier? Every time you're asked to find something, you can't find it?" "Shut up," Shang Mu yelled. "Speak!" "I told you to look in the closet," Shang Xiaohan replied. "Shut up!" Shang Mu paused for a moment and then started yelling, "You foolish child! How can cabbage be put in the closet? Where is your head? You've been taught and taught, but it's all for nothing!" With that, she couldn't help but pinch Shang Xiaohan's face hard. Shang Xiaohan covered her face, angry but unable to speak.
Another time, Shang Xiaohan accompanied her mother for a walk—actually being forcibly dragged and pulled. On the way, Shang Mu saw a few children, about ten years old, riding the trendy two-wheeled bicycles, flying past in front of them. Shang Mu excitedly grabbed Shang Xiaohan's sleeve, "Ahhh! It looks so interesting! Xiaohan, I'll buy you one next time!"
"Xiaohan! Xiaohan!" To prevent her mother from tearing her sleeve off, Shang Xiaohan had no choice but to speak: "I don't want one. I'm too old, and I heard they're very expensive." "Only two hundred—how can that be expensive?" Shang Mu smiled sinisterly. "I don't know why they don't fall off?" "Mom," "What?" "You're not trying to steal one to play with, are you?" Shang Xiaohan felt sweat on her forehead. "Huh?" Shang Mu exclaimed in surprise, "How do you know?" "Going home," she dragged the embarrassing mother away, thinking, "This kind of thing doesn't need to be guessed. Anyone who sees something beautiful that doesn't belong to them wants to steal it—what else can be said?"
The next day, after Shang Mu went to work, Shang Xiaohan had nothing to do at home. She watched TV for a while, then checked the time—it was already noon. After a while, she heard the doorbell ring and went to open it, thinking her mother had finally come back to comfort her empty stomach. But ten minutes passed, then fifteen, then twenty. She still didn't show up. Was she mysteriously missing? Shang Xiaohan rushed downstairs like the wind. "Mom? Mom!" Then, a figure flashed past her. Panting, she stood at the top of the stairs, almost fainting. Her dear, young, and lovely mother was riding the two-wheeled bicycle, having a great time!
"You," Shang Xiaohan pointed weakly at the person in front of her, "Where did you get the bike?" "Against the wall," Shang Mu replied nonchalantly. "You, quickly come inside!" It was so embarrassing to have such a slow-witted and naive mother. To be honest, Shang Mu is actually quite slender and sensitive. When Shang Xiaohan failed her college entrance exams in her senior year, that night, she went for a walk with her mother, wearing her usual mask of composure. The evening breeze was pleasant, the leaves rustled softly, and the streetlights were empty, with dew spreading quietly.
"Still can't let it go?" Shang Mu suddenly asked. Shang Xiaohan didn't say anything. "This kind of thing happened, it can't be avoided. Even if you can't let it go, what can you do?" "I can't," Shang Xiaohan replied. "You can." Shang Mu pulled her to sit down. "Evidence." "You've never been this proactive in taking a walk with me today." Shang Xiaohan really wanted to laugh but couldn't. Then, she suddenly blurted out, "I don't want to have children anymore."
"What?" Shang Mu was stunned for a long moment, wondering, "What does this have to do with whether you have children or not?" "If I have children, I'll be like you. I only feel I bring you too much pain." Finally, Shang Mu smiled, though not out loud, just gently hugging her daughter. "Silly child, how don't you know? The happiness you bring us is far greater than the pain." Tears seemed to overflow uncontrollably. Shang Xiaohan threw herself into her mother's arms, crying heartily, leaving tears from the end of her college entrance exams—some hoarse, but deeply moving, like deep wounds, trying to scream.
After a while, Shang Mu's voice rang out, "Dead Xiaohan! This is the silk dress I bought just a few days ago!"
Shang Fu. Since we've mentioned Shang Xiaohan's mother, we can't help but continue with Shang Xiaohan's father, Shang Chun. For such a name, most people would find it funny. Even Shang Mu often says to Shang Chun when they argue, "Shang Chun? I'm still mourning autumn!" At this point, Shang Chun usually has nothing to say and can only end the argument between the two of them hastily.
Shang Fu is a teacher, teaching math. He is strict and has a fiery temper (Shang Xiaohan probably inherited his personality). His methods of punishing students were once so severe that he was once ranked as one of the top ten devil teachers in the city. During the time Shang Xiaohan was rebellious in middle school, she suddenly turned into a little delinquent. From skipping classes to fighting—even smoking and drinking were involved. Shang Fu was really at his wit's end. Should he hit or scold? Both? In the end, he adopted the tactic of long-term, marathon-style lecturing. Every time the exam results came out, at six o'clock that evening, after dinner, he would wipe his mouth and say, "Come, Xiaohan, come over, let's talk." Shang Xiaohan reluctantly dragged herself to her father's side and sat down: "Oh."
"You tell me, why did you score so badly this time?" "I," "What did you promise me after the last exam?" "I," "What went wrong? What's the reason? Hmm?" At this point, Shang Xiaohan usually couldn't say a word.