Mom Dou Dou's Growth

Author: Wang Hong
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2005-05-01
Features: Do you have children? Do you find them difficult to handle? Have you ever lost your temper with them? Have they made you sad, disappointed, frustrated, or embarrassed? Indeed, as society progresses and children grow, traditional parenting methods no longer fit today's children. "Parenting Effectiveness Training Handbook" helps you understand today's children and establish a positive, harmonious relationship with them using effective methods. No need to memorize by rote—just refer to and flexibly apply these principles to solve the challenges you face in parenting. Children, in fact, are not stupid, and they are not bad—they just haven’t found the right way to teach them yet. Let the TV take a break for a day, and let love an old dream. With a soft heart, be a warm parent. Both children and parents are allowed to honestly express their beliefs and feelings without fear of rejection. Build the courage to face your own imperfections and keep striving. Don’t be discouraged—raising children is a lifelong journey. Cherish and accept your children for who they are. I am proud to be a mother; I see the hope and potential in my children. Wang Yifei, a 4-year-old daughter’s teacher
My life was a mess. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, my child, or my family. By chance, I learned some methods from Dou Dou’s mother and began to change myself, learning not to impose my will on my child or pass on my bad moods to the family. Now, my communication with my child has become smooth, and I’ve rediscovered the sweetness of my first love with my husband. What makes me happiest is that my home is filled with laughter.
Cai Lili, a 8-year-old son’s mother, a doctor
Dou Dou’s mother told me, “You’re too greedy—how can you take all the problems onto yourself?” I started learning about the ownership of problems. When the problem belonged to the child, I tried letting them face and solve it themselves. To my surprise, not only did the problem resolve itself, but my child also improved their problem-solving skills, and I stopped blaming myself. Our relationship became even closer and more harmonious!
"Dou Dou’s Mother’s Growth" is about to be released to readers, and the emotions are indescribable. It’s a mother’s growth, and it’s also a woman’s growth. Since 1985, when I first heard the word "psychology," it has been exactly twenty years. I’ve gone through the novelty of learning, the excitement of studying, the hesitation after graduation, and the confusion at work. From a diligent student to a university teacher, then to a white-collar in a foreign company, from an ignorant girl to a mature wife, a clumsy first-time mother, to a mother of a 9-year-old son—throughout this journey, the struggles, conflicts, and confusion have been all too real.
With professional, systematic training, I found myself unable to apply my knowledge of child and developmental psychology to my son’s growth. I once wondered: Is my son really special? Are psychological theories not practical?
In early 2004, by chance, I heard that the Taiwanese parenting education expert, Professor Zhong Sijia, would be holding a "Parenting Group Leader Training Workshop" at Peking University’s Psychology Department—a course on how to improve parenting effectiveness and raise responsible children. I felt like I’d found a lifeline and rushed to sign up.
The three-day workshop ended quickly, and this "Parenting Effectiveness System Training" was exactly the course I’d been searching for all these years. It combines psychology theory with practice, helping parents understand how to face their children’s growth issues, manage their own anxieties, tensions, and anger, build healthy communication bridges between parents and children, and cultivate their children’s confidence and responsibility. Most importantly, parents don’t need to learn complex psychological theories or become psychologists—they just need to become their children’s psychological regulators.
Parents should provide a relaxed, joyful, warm, and healthy family atmosphere. In every ordinary moment of life with their children, they should play the role of a competent, happy, yet authoritative parent.
When I applied the methods learned from this course to my own parenting, the results were even more thrilling. The once slow, timid, insecure, uncooperative, and distant son had become proactive, confident, cooperative, and close to me. I also transformed from a frustrated and helpless mother into a confident and rational one.
My son’s changes drew everyone’s attention, and they all asked me for the secret. This also inspired me to promote this course.
On September 4, 2004, over 200 parents, with the common goal of "raising responsible children," gathered at Beijing Normal University’s Jingwen Lecture Hall to discuss parenting methods and techniques with Professor Zhong Sijia. Their passionate desire and parental devotion moved me even more and strengthened my resolve.
On September 15, 2004, the first "Parenting Effectiveness System Training" class began. The touching stories and the mothers’ joy and excitement often brought tears to our eyes.
By chance, I met Ms. Lei Lei from the Guangdong Publishing Group. I introduced our course and the moving stories of the mothers and children, and she said, “Why not write a book? Let more parents benefit from it!” That was such a great idea! Everyone was thrilled by it. With her encouragement and effort, we, who had never written before, started putting pen to paper to describe those vivid stories.
Taking up the pen, I realized that writing wasn’t as simple as I thought. How could we recreate the real stories of nearly 50 families? After five revisions, we finally reached the version you see now. We used several typical characters to represent the stories of dozens of children and families, centering around Dou Dou and Dou Dou’s mother’s growth, hoping to make the book more engaging to read.
These stories may seem ordinary, as if they’re happening right in front of us. The bitterness and joy within them can only be understood by parents. The title "Dou Dou’s Mother’s Growth" also has a special meaning—it came from a pleasant trip to Xinjiang.
In August 2004, I traveled to Xinjiang with a group of close friends, all of whom had children around the same age. Along the way, the children chattered and laughed nonstop. We parents also left behind our daily pressures and enjoyed the joy of the trip. I remember that trip was incredibly rewarding. There was so much that moved me. I held my camera tightly in my hands, constantly walking and taking photos. I was moved by the rolling sands of the desert, by the innocent and beautiful smiles of ethnic girls. In short, I captured everything beautiful through my lens.
Suddenly, my camera focused on our children. They were laughing and jumping excitedly, as if they’d just thought of something incredibly fun. I was drawn to their laughter and couldn’t help but move closer. It turned out they had given each other hilarious nicknames. The children called this trip the "Dou Dou Family Trip." Everyone was one big family—mothers were all "Dou Dou’s mothers," and fathers naturally became "Dou Dou’s fathers." Some children were called Holland Beans, others Potatoes, Red Beans, Green Beans, and so on.
Watching them laugh and play, I was moved and, at the same time, amazed by their rich imagination. "Dou Dou Family"—how fitting a metaphor it was. Every child is a member of the "Dou Dou Family." Like tiny beans, as long as parents provide the right soil, sunlight, water, and air, they will sprout, grow strong, and find their own sky!
It was because of this inspiration that we named this book "Dou Dou’s Mother’s Growth."
I want to thank Professor Zhong Sijia for his wholehearted support, without which we wouldn’t have had the courage to overcome our confusion. I want to thank all the parents who have given us support and encouragement—without their practice and cooperation, we wouldn’t have these touching stories. I want to thank our families—without their sacrifices and support, we wouldn’t have had the energy and time to write. I want to thank General Manager Li Liangyuan and Editor Lei Lei from the Guangdong Publishing Group and Beijing Blue Ocean Cultural Communication Co., Ltd.—without their hard work, these stories would have remained in our memories, gradually fading away. I want to thank our readers—your patience and understanding are the driving force behind our work.
At this moment, as a mother, I sincerely hope to share this joy and happiness with all parents. This is just the beginning. The road of education is long, long. Let’s join hands and run toward the finish line with our children.