Read Taipei Women

Author: Xu Xue
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2005-05-01
Features: The concept of a "lover" should include three elements:
1. Emotional commitment.
2. Sexual relationship (or at least close intimacy, such as hugging and kissing).
3. A relatively long-lasting relationship.
In the West, the role of a "lover" does not seem to equate to guilt, but in China, especially for women in traditional society, it is considered a "non-normal" role. It is often associated with "licentiousness" and "lewdness," almost to the point of being labeled "abnormal." In Taiwan's gender dynamics, the "lover" has almost transitioned from a traditional "abnormal" status to a common norm among urban men and women. "Marriage phobia" roams Taiwan like a ghost. A young Taiwanese female writer laments, "In love for eighteen years, I can't help but feel: the love with spirit has diminished, the marriage that leaves a deep mark is as rare as morning stars, and the lovers willing to share the burden to build a fortress in reality or spirit have also disappeared. This love country seems to be experiencing an epidemic. Red men and green women roam the dark streets and alleys."
Seventeenth-century English metaphysical poet John Donne compared the relationship between lovers to the two legs of a compass circling a fixed point, praising it highly. This metaphor for love has endured for a long time, but now Taiwanese women have strongly rejected it. Xia Yu writes, "People think that existence revolving around a fixed point is good, about virtues like fidelity. But I am not prepared to agree. If I am like a compass, only because I must be so, I have no choice but to be so, that is just a situation that has nothing to do with virtue. You know, perhaps after a long time, perhaps soon, it will also disperse and fade away. If love was originally this easy, and allowed to be this easy, simple like a toothache—extract it, and perhaps it would be cured."
Tooth extraction is a minor surgery. As long as it is done cleanly and efficiently, there are no aftereffects. There may be an initial sense of hollow loss, but it is nothing serious. The sexual knowledge and resources provided by urban society have led to the early maturation of Taiwanese women. The pressures and customs of urban life have made Taiwanese women increasingly accept late marriage. Early maturation and delayed marriage have turned more unmarried women into the "reserves" for "lovers," while the increase in women who remain single or divorced has further strengthened the ranks of "lovers."
The expansion of the reserve force only creates the potential for the growth of the "lover" group. For it to become a trend, it also requires a change in mindset—meaning breaking through the taboo of "lovers" requires tolerance and affirmation of "extramarital love" and "extramarital sex," and even encouragement for women to pursue "extramarital sex."