Boss Six Arts

Author: He Ren
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2004-01-01
Features: Whether you are a novice stepping into the field or a seasoned veteran, the greatest taboo is arrogance and stagnation. The market changes rapidly, and many knowledge and skills that were useful yesterday may become outdated overnight. Therefore, lifelong learning—constantly acquiring new knowledge, drawing on new experiences, and honing new skills—is essential for merchants. Building extensive social connections
There was a man who had neither education, wealth, nor a background in human affairs, yet he became a successful entrepreneur. How did he achieve this success? He was a very considerate person, often going beyond others' expectations in his kindness to those around him. Whenever someone said they wanted to visit him, he would warmly welcome them, hoping they would stay for a few days. Behind the scenes, even when financially strained or deeply troubled, he seemed to eagerly anticipate their arrival, warmly hosting them. Even when they left, he would present small gifts or local specialties. No matter how busy he was, he would never make them feel that their visit was a bother.
Honestly, I usually avoid disturbing my friends, but I often visit him. One evening, I went to visit him again, and we sat chatting with his wife. The conversation somehow turned to his past struggles, and he said earnestly, "Someone like me, with no education, wealth, or background, could achieve what I have today only through immense hardship that isn’t suitable for outsiders to hear." Anyone in his situation would say the same thing. But after a moment, he added, "Someone like me, with nothing to offer, cannot expect others to associate with me unless they gain some pleasure or benefit from it."
In fact, in the past, he had no education, wealth, or background, which likely made him lonely, and others didn’t want to associate with him. He endured the loneliness, worked hard, and learned the art of social interaction—how to provide value to others, because people wouldn’t remain indifferent to benefits he offered. These benefits could be emotional or material, but in essence, others wouldn’t come into contact with him unless they gained something.
Another example is a "privileged heir" from a wealthy family, who also aspired to achieve success. However, when interacting with others, his first consideration was what value they could bring him. Perhaps associating with this person would make it easier to secure a bank loan in the future; maybe he could become friends with them and learn the secrets of wealth accumulation; or perhaps they would sell land to him at a discount; or maybe they would lend him their office space. He approached others with expectations and calculations, believing that anyone he interacted with would bring him some form of benefit.
The attitudes of these two men toward social interaction were completely opposite. One offered value to others, knowing that without it, people wouldn’t associate with him. The other believed that those who interacted with him would bring him benefits. In truth, people only associate with others when their desires are met. Everyone strives to overcome isolation and fear being consumed by loneliness, and the desire for friendship is human nature. Therefore, for someone who feels isolated, social interaction fulfills their needs, and it holds great significance.
When interacting with friends, we should be both warm and cautious, always considering their perspective. Do your best to meet their needs, and only then will they engage with you. At the same time, when others contribute to us, it fulfills our own desires. This exchange of giving and receiving is most pleasant—and beneficial—for both parties when it remains balanced. Only relationships built this way are truly stable and reliable.
Making friends with those better than us is like having books as companions. True friends never stand by idly as we falter but constantly encourage us, boosting our courage. Meeting great people isn’t as difficult as one might imagine—even those of higher status. Especially for young people, there’s no need to hesitate in approaching those with greater standing. Arthur Wakar, a farm boy from rural America, read stories about successful entrepreneurs in magazines and longed to learn more and receive their advice. One day, he went to New York and arrived at William B. Astor’s office at 7 a.m., regardless of the business hours. In the second room, Wakar immediately recognized the sturdy, thick-browed man before him as the person he sought. At first, the tall Astor found the boy somewhat annoying, but when Wakar asked, "I really want to know how to earn a million dollars," his expression softened, and he smiled. The two talked for an hour.
Later, Astor even introduced Wakar to other famous business figures. Following Astor’s guidance, Wakar visited top merchants, editors, and bankers. While the advice he received about making money wasn’t always helpful, the recognition from successful individuals gave him confidence. He began emulating their methods of success. Two years later, this 20-year-old youth became the owner of the factory where he had once worked as an apprentice. By the age of 24, he was the general manager of an agricultural machinery company, and within five years, he had achieved his dream of amassing a fortune of a million dollars. This boy from a humble rural log cabin eventually became a member of a bank’s board of directors.
Over his 67 years of active involvement in business, Wakar lived by the principle he learned as a young man in New York: make friends with beneficial people. Meeting successful and accomplished predecessors can change a person’s destiny. Young people can openly express their admiration for heroes, but as they grow older, they tend to hide such feelings. Concealing admiration for heroes is wrong. You should instead approach those you admire—it’s the best strategy. This not only pleases the other person but also encourages and inspires you.
White, a new employee at a railway and telegraph office in a small town in Indiana, decided at the age of 16 to make a mark on the world. By 27, he became the head of the management office. Later, he became the manager of the Western Contract Telegraph Company, then the president of the Ohio Railroad. When his son started school, he advised him, "Make friends with outstanding people at school—no matter what they do, capable people will succeed." You might find this advice too worldly, but don’t misunderstand—it’s not shameful to take capable people as role models.
Friends are like books—they are not just companions but also teachers. Making friends with great people is as difficult as wanting to earn a million dollars overnight. The reason isn’t the greatness of the heroes but your own tendency to feel uneasy. Young people often fail because they don’t know how to interact with their elders. Marshal Foch of France, during World War II, said, "Young people should at least know one worldly-wise elder and ask him for advice." Sagaret also said the same thing: "If I were to give advice that would benefit young people, I would tell them to often associate with those better than themselves. This is beneficial both in terms of knowledge and life." Learning to respect others appropriately is the greatest joy in life."
Many people enjoy associating with those less accomplished than themselves, which is indeed comforting, as it gives them a sense of superiority. However, you can’t learn anything from those who are clearly inferior. On the other hand, making friends with those better than you helps you mature. You can find comfort in friends who are less accomplished, but you must also receive the stimulation from outstanding friends to boost your courage.
Most friendships are accidental. You might meet someone because you live nearby, or you might meet them in unexpected ways. While making friends may be accidental, the impact of friends on personal growth is significant. When choosing friends, it’s wise to consider carefully. In short, successful people rely on friends who are better than them to constantly push themselves to improve. In reality, you should remember that making friends with beneficial people isn’t too difficult. First, list the famous people in your city, then list those who can help your career. After that, make it a goal to meet one such person every week.
4. Be skilled at sparking your subordinates’ desire to speak.
Communication between a boss and employees is a two-way street. If the other party has no desire to speak, the conversation will stall, making it impossible to proceed. Moreover, communication isn’t just about exchanging information—it’s also about emotional interaction. Only when both parties feel emotionally connected can the conversation be effective. This requires the boss to be sincere with the other person. The conversation is a mutual effort—unless you share your heart with them, you can’t expect them to do the same. Only by putting yourself in their shoes and finding common ground in your hearts can you truly connect.
5. Be skilled at encouraging your subordinates to speak the truth.
What the conversation should exchange is truthful information. However, some subordinates, for various reasons, may lie, manipulate, make excuses, or only report good news while hiding the bad. Others may hesitate and speak insincerely, all of which render the conversation meaningless. Whether the conversation is open and honest depends on the boss. A boss with an autocratic style fundamentally eliminates the possibility of honest communication with subordinates. In front of a boss who is eager for quick results, subordinates may intentionally or unintentionally exaggerate the situation. Therefore, bosses must overcome the tendency to be overly ambitious and superficial, replacing it with sincerity and honesty. At the same time, they should make it clear to the other party that they don’t enjoy hearing lies or flattery, thereby eliminating the other person’s desire to conform.
6. Be skilled at using nonverbal cues.
Communication in conversation involves both verbal and nonverbal symbols. Verbal symbols are carriers of thought information, but nonverbal symbols also play an indispensable role in conversation. The main types of nonverbal symbols include:
(1) Actions. Used appropriately, actions can be more powerful than words. When the other party is discouraged or down, a handshake, offering tea, or lighting a cigarette can convey emotional warmth. A firm and confident gesture can also boost the other person’s morale.
(2) Eye contact. The eyes are the windows of the soul and a means of exchanging intentions. Generally, eye contact should be appropriate and natural. Different types of eye contact convey multiple meanings, such as approval, surprise, anger, or friendliness. Therefore, it’s important to be skilled at using the power of eye contact.
(3) Facial expressions. Facial expressions reveal emotions. The movement of facial muscles carries certain meanings. For example, a serious and focused expression shows that you value the other person’s opinion, while a warm and friendly expression indicates friendliness toward them. Therefore, bosses should be skilled at using facial expressions to influence and adjust the other person’s emotions, creating a positive psychological environment for the conversation.