Bloody years

Author: Ji Qing
Publisher:
Publishing Date: July 1, 2004
Features: The author was a young poet in the 1940s and published long novels such as People Walking in the Night and There Is No Winter Here in the early years of the founding of the People's Republic of China. During the "Anti-Hu Feng" movement in 1955, he was criticized and was only exonerated in 1980. The recent publication of this memoir by Fudan Publishing House begins with the author's childhood and becomes more concise toward the end, possibly due to declining energy. The preface states, "I can guarantee that I wrote down every word honestly." Since the late 1990s, the author suffered two strokes and could no longer visit libraries to find materials, so he had to "write based on memory" and "write about things I truly know." From the book, we not only see history but also read many vivid details, such as Lu Ling, after gaining sudden fame in the 1940s, refusing to appear at social or literary gatherings, which is deeply moving to read. As a famous poet of the "July Group," Ji Qing, who suffered greatly in the Hu Feng, shares his life experiences in this memoir, including his childhood, school life, the beginning of his literary career, and his later friendships with Hu Feng, Lü Yuan, and Zou Di Fan, among others. Of course, he also recounts the hardships he and his family endured after the Hu Feng incident in 1955 and his reflections after being exonerated. Some of these memories hold significant historical value for studying the "July Group" and the "Hu Feng Incident." Due to the author's special status, readers may expect his account of the period after 1955, much like how people were interested in the author's recollections of the Cultural Revolution in Borrowing a Life. Naturally, the author is filled with grief and anger over the injustice that stole 25 years of his youth. However, unexpectedly, the book does not dwell too much on his personal misfortunes but focuses instead on the suffering of his wife, children, and innocent people he was connected to. His wife was still extremely weak in the hospital just days after giving birth when he was "isolated for self-criticism." Unable to see Ji Qing again, she rushed home despite her frailty, only to find her home already ransacked. Her four-and-a-half-year-old child was also sent back from the kindergarten, and the younger child, still too young to understand, thought he was lucky and happily told his mother, "Mom, Mom! Thes said, Dad is a counter-revolutionary, so they won't take me to kindergarten anymore." When Ji Qing wrote about these events, he did not roar or scream, but the seemingly calm words revealed an unbearable sense of sorrow! What crime did his youngest son commit to be punished along with him? Also, because he was the child of a "Hu Feng sympathizer," his second son, when ill, did not receive timely treatment and was ultimately allowed to die, leaving an indelible wound in his heart. Guilt over his family has always haunted him, filling him with a deep sense of guilt, even though he himself was also an innocent victim. The Hu Feng Incident affected many people connected to the "Hu Feng sympathizers," many of whom were not even close to Hu Feng or Ji Qing but were punished simply for having submitted articles or corresponded with them. In his book, Ji Qing also expresses deep apologies to these innocent victims. He writes with pain and helplessness, "I am ashamed, I feel guilty, I apologize, but my apologies are worthless!" These people's suffering was not caused by Ji Qing and his friends; they had no reason to take responsibility. As an innocent victim himself, Ji Qing and his friends even endured greater and more unbearable injustices. Yet, in the book, Ji Qing sincerely apologizes to them. Reading these heartfelt words, we cannot help but feel deep respect for him. As an innocent victim, Ji Qing reflects on the path he has walked in his life with deep emotion: "Life is short, just a fleeting few decades. As an ordinary person, I inevitably made many mistakes in my limited years, even feeling deeply guilty about certain events. During the 'Anti-Hu Feng Movement,' I lacked Lu Ling's strength, Lü Ying's clarity and courage, or A Long's ability to write a resolute will with complete sincerity before his death—A Will That Can Be Crushed but Never Broken. Instead, I believed in the special logic that 'creating and engaging in literary activities according to Hu Feng's reactionary literary thought was counter-revolutionary,' admitted myself as 'counter-revolutionary,' was considered to have 'shown remorse,' and received lenient treatment with 'no prosecution.' I lived as a citizen and official until today. Compared to this, how cowardly I seemed!" Under the immense pressure at the time, he was forced to hand over his correspondence with Hu Feng and "confess" as required. This was not unreasonable, and even some instances of people in the Cultural Revolution betraying others to save themselves can be understood, as long as they showed remorse afterward. But in this book, in Ji Qing's "deep sense of guilt," we see the precious conscience and high moral self-discipline of an intellectual. In the face of such moral self-discipline, those who ignore their own dark sides and merely mock repentance with "thousand regrets" seem utterly insignificant. The significance of this book lies not only in its historical value but also in the spiritual tremor it brings to readers. It teaches us how to be a person with a conscience and high moral self-discipline.