Life in Three Passages: Understanding Human Nature, Navigating the World, Observing Etiquette

Author: Chang Chenzi
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features: The greater the heart's capacity, the more emotions it can hold. The world's widest is the ocean, and the highest is the sky. Yet, both wide and high is the human heart. Those who excel in social interactions and understand worldly affairs often possess such a heart. In our lives within social groups, conflicts and misunderstandings between people are common. How to handle these issues is a matter our ancestors left behind, full of brilliant thoughts and experiences worth learning from. In the Ming Dynasty, Zhu Gun once wrote in Guan Wei Zi: "A noble person endures what others cannot endure, accepts what others cannot accept, and handles what others cannot handle." To treat others with kindness is not weakness but a manifestation of confidence and justice. Especially the high moral integrity of "returning kindness for grievances" can make people reflect on themselves and be genuinely convinced. On the other hand, it can also place one in a favorable position in actions, gaining the support of public opinion and the crowd. President Lincoln was a role model in this regard. Once, a criticized President Lincoln's attitude toward his enemies. "Why do you try to be friends with them?" he demanded. "You should try to destroy them." Lincoln replied gently, "When I turn them into friends, am I not destroying my enemies?" This was the broad-mindedness of President Lincoln and his political strategy of returning kindness for grievances. Returning kindness for grievances is not limited to politics but can extend to every corner of our lives. There is a very ordinary business story. A customer owed fifteen dollars to Ditto Woolen Company. One day, the customer angrily rushed into Mr. Ditto's office, saying he would not pay the debt and would never spend a cent on Ditto's products again. Mr. Ditto patiently let him vent his anger and then said, "Thank you for coming to Chicago to tell me this. You've done me a great favor, because if our trust department bothered you, they might also bother other good customers, which would be too unfortunate. Believe me, I want to hear what you've told us more than you do." The customer never expected to hear such words. Mr. Ditto assured him, saying, "We will write off this debt. You are a very meticulous person, and only one account needs to be managed, while our employees handle thousands of accounts. Compared to them, you are less likely to make mistakes. Since you can no longer buy wool from us, I will recommend some other woolen companies to you." As a result, the customer placed an even larger order than before. After his son was born, he named him Ditto. Later, he remained a friend and customer of Ditto's until his death. In daily life, it is inevitable to suffer hurt. Some people cannot let go of things, even over trivial matters like a sesame seed, and torment themselves by not eating well or sleeping soundly. Others may feel that yielding is "losing face" or "being a pushover," so they always respond with aggression in non-principle conflicts, even resorting to violence. This not only fails to resolve the conflict but also damages their own dignity and harms the feelings of both parties. Therefore, every person should cultivate their magnanimity and develop a broad-minded heart. As the saying goes, "Tolerate for a moment, and the wind and waves will calm; step back a step, and the sky will open up." This illustrates that in dealing with others and in interpersonal interactions, one should be magnanimous, endure their own frustrations, and forgive others' minor faults. This is the demeanor of a noble person and a concrete of understanding human emotions and knowing the way of the world. The more tolerant you are, the happier you will be; the more tolerant you are, the more sincere you will be. In interpersonal interactions, maintaining a broad-minded heart and fully demonstrating your tolerant qualities will help you gain friends, build relationships, and receive support in your career. Let us all strive to be people of great magnanimity and harmony in our interactions! Let others step back for you by one step, and they will step back for you by ten steps; let others give you sincerity, and they will give you a sincere heart; let others tolerate you in small matters, and they will return to you a broad heart. Let us be people of great