One-year marriage contract (100 humorous works by Liu Qi) -- Angle 06

Author: Liu Qi
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2005-05-01
Features:
Hello, articles! I am your author. Don’t laugh! I know I’m talking nonsense. After all, we’ve been together for so long—none of us are strangers. But now, I have a new task, a new role. I’ve become the leader, tasked with organizing all of you into a book—or perhaps a team—to participate in a parade.
Parades require formations, so let’s arrange ourselves based on the titles of your articles. We are a group of diverse articles, so feel free to be creative. The varying lengths and styles of the titles in this book, along with the authors they represent, can form countless formations. Here’s one temporary arrangement I’ve created—Midday Gate Summer Night, Crazy Blue Demon, Psych Doctor’s Notes, Group Activities, and the Celebration of Gay Pride.
On-site, a senior official made a remark: “Sign marriage contracts once a year. Let the unqualified lead the qualified.”
Embassies, consulates, bar counters.
Girls, watching male ballet, Egyptian skits, our songs.
Shenyang’s Chinatown, movie parties, horror films.
The inspection team sent by heaven, Hercules the pigeon, scratch!
Clear era, Azure Skies, everyone, remembering the, the people I respected in the last century, the little gray donkey, integrity, the VIP flower, only dyeing one red nail.
Old Zhang’s head, missing home, pickled mustard greens, national meat, Cairo bread.
Old Wu’s wife, visiting West Hills, Pai Luo Mountain, swimming at Dazhai, ancient villages.
From above, watching farmers, bronze-topped, white-topped.
“The Little Genie” concept, the dream of satirical essays, nostalgia for the new generation: Hello, Jiaozuo Nest.
Beautiful summer, the neighbor’s cat, fortune-telling for Western women.
Disco clubs, white-collar wedding receptions, female white collars and cabbages.
Old Ai visits China, Red Guards at the ready.
Police lunch, arresting Liu Chengxin.
Return to China guide: style, shower, avoiding the New Year; main gate, clinic, washing the sky; Personality Dictionary scenario simulation, quotations, wisdom chips.
ShenyangLow Price, commercial anger, the international harm of buffets, and sweet frustrations.
Mycologist Anderson, on modern women, on women smoking, women’s world, women celebrating holidays, men suffering.
Blue Ridge Night, the meaning of one-night stands, chain countries, trash cans.
My major invention: the World Cup is the Dream of the Red Chamber.
Globalwitty remarks: Once you own a car, you become inferior.
In America, there are only two types of people—I have three American names.
An unusual exam: How do Chinese people curse men? Why do Shanghai people annoy people? Should we shoot at the moon?
The Yellow Guest says, the stupidity index, nine diseases in PhD and master’s theses, New York portrait.
I became a Nobel candidate, drunk black people’s book, modestly and cautiously on the real name network.
Looking back, Pusa Man Mo.
The happiness of the nation matters most. Don’t call me a girl!
As the leader, I must tell you all that we are not only participating in the parade but also undergoing an inspection.
If there’s an inspection, the formation can’t be too chaotic. So, we should also have another formation.
Alright, attention! Follow my commands—now, gather in order of the number of characters in the titles! The shorter ones go in front, the longer ones at the back.
There are eight rows, one hundred articles, and the formation is fairly neat.
But let’s be clear—the neatness of the formation is not our ultimate goal. A neat formation doesn’t guarantee the quality of the articles.
True, all one hundred of you were carefully selected by me. Ninety of you have appeared in my other books before. For this inspection, you’ve been refined once again—some were trimmed, some were supplemented, and those who were once restrained have regained their original form.
The other ten are newcomers, first-time inclusions in this collection, marked in bold to distinguish them.
This is my first selected collection. Don’t get too proud, the articles included. The number of spots is limited, and so is the variety. You’re the best of the worst—be self-aware.
Now, I must address an important question: Who gave us this opportunity to be inspected? Yuefu Book Society, “Brother Culture,” and their “Angle” series. Let’s give them a warm round of applause and sincere thanks.
I must also raise another important question: Who is inspecting us? Not the commanding officer with a rank. Not the high-ranking leader. Not those foolish officials who can be easily fooled with a few compliments.
The ones inspecting us have eyes that see through, passion that burns, a hatred for evil, and a heart as vast as the sea. They are our greatest leaders, our highest commanders. They have a great name—the readers.
Dear articles, children, don’t panic, don’t be afraid. Maintain your formation. Be who you are. If there are flaws or shortcomings, it’s all my fault.
After the inspection, based on reader feedback, I will work with you all to improve.
Now, follow my command: Stand at attention! Face the inspectors and salute!