My mother / Myself

Author: (American) Freddie, translated by Yang Ningning
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2004-05-01
Features: If a woman wants to be both a lawyer and a mother, she must see the relationship and differences between these two roles. At the same time, she must also see the relationship between these roles and sexuality. These three choices are not mutually exclusive. In a changing world, the position of women is also constantly evolving, and mothers must consciously show their daughters the various choices available. A woman can simultaneously play three or more roles, but she must have the courage to say to herself and her daughter, "I decided to have you because I wanted to be a mother. I decided to work—engage in a certain profession, participate in politics, play the piano, and so on—because in work, I can realize new values. Work is not necessarily more important than motherhood; they are just different in nature. Whether you choose to work or stay at home taking care of your family, whether you choose to be a mother or not, none of these should hinder your sexuality. This is your third choice, and it is just as important as the first two."
"If a mother has her own life," Roberto said, "her daughter will love her and enjoy spending time with her even more. She cannot see herself solely as 'a mother' but must see herself as a person, someone with a job, someone with sexual desires, and a woman. This does not mean that she must have her own profession, high intelligence, or a high position. What matters is that she cannot spend her entire day at home watching children and cooking, treating their lives as her own. Of course, it is best for a mother to maintain a closer relationship with her husband rather than her daughter."
In fact, the roles of a woman and a mother often conflict. In the book Psychology of Women, Dr. Helen Deutsch examined the "passivity" of women based on classic Freudian theory. This view was opposed by many contemporary psychoanalysts, and I myself do not endorse it. However, she provided us with an important clue: "A woman's sexuality is an original, instinctual, and unsuppressed impulse that manifests in various ways. It can be an intense desire for love from others, a strong longing to possess the one she loves, or complete passivity when the other takes the initiative."