Mark Twain - Appreciation of Humorous Sketches

Author: Chen Guangming
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-09-01
Features: Secrets of Raising Chickens From my youth, I have been particularly interested in the subject of raising chickens, and that is true. Therefore, this membership title is exactly what I have been longing for. Even when I was in elementary school, raising chickens was my goal. I can say without exaggeration that by the time I was 17, I had already learned all the best and fastest methods of raising chickens, such as lighting a match under their noses and then catching them out of the coop; on cold nights, warming one end of a wooden strip over a fire and then stealthily slipping it under their feet to lift them out of the fence, and so on. Based on my estimation, by the time I was 20, I had raised more chickens than anyone else in the entire surrounding area. Even the chickens gradually came to understand my talent. When I passed by them, the young hens and roosters busy scratching the ground for insects would stop, while the roosters that had already begun crowing would "continue their prayers" as usual. During my experience in raising chickens, I accumulated a lot of knowledge, and I couldn't help but think that perhaps sharing some tips with the association would be useful. I have mentioned two methods that are simple and only suitable for raising common chickens; one for summer and the other for winter. When using the summer method, you and a friend set off around 11 o'clock at night (do not delay, as in some states—especially California and Oregon—chickens always wake up at midnight and then crow for 10 to 30 minutes based on their experience and ease of waking others). Have your friend bring a burlap sack. At the coop (your neighbor's, not yours), light a match, hold it under a young hen's nose, then move to the next one, and so on, until they all obediently go into the sack. Then you go home, either take the bag with you or leave it behind, depending on the situation. Note—I have had such an experience: it is best to leave the bag behind and flee quickly, without leaving any clues as to where it should be sent. When using the other method mentioned for raising chickens, have your friend bring a large jar covered with a lid, filled with charcoal fire, and you bring a long, thin wooden strip. It is a cold night, understand? At the tree, fence, or someone else's coop (only fools would go to their own coop), place the end of your wooden strip in the charcoal fire your friend brought, warm it up, and then hold it high and gently place it against a chicken's foot. At this point, the chickens are asleep. If your wooden strip actually touches a chicken, it will likely make a sleepy clucking sound or two in gratitude and then walk out and lie down on your wooden strip. In this case, it is clear that it has become an accomplice to its own demise in the face of this act of murder. Is it truly intentionally cooperating with others to seek its own end? This question is as profound and serious as the one Blackstone once pondered—and it is a major and serious issue for us to consider now. (You only started thinking about these legal issues later—not then.) If you want to raise a chicken that is large, beautiful, and crows like a donkey,