Man's fear

Author: Hermann Hesse (Germany), translated by Chen Wenmin
Translator: Chen Wenmin / Country:
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2000-12-01
Features: However, it wasn’t always like this. For a long time, I had never had a girlfriend. In the past, I would always hang out with colleagues on weekends, go with our fan club to cheer for our team’s every match, and spend the entire night doing nothing. Later, I realized that this kind of freedom was actually an illusion and that it was, in reality, a complete lack of freedom. Through my girlfriend, I discovered a completely new way of experiencing freedom. At first, I had a deep fear of it. Since I couldn’t spend weekends with my friends anymore, they mocked me, the football teammates taunted me with schadenfreude, and most nights, I couldn’t even go out as planned, all of which caused me distress. At first, I resisted my girlfriend’s attempts to tie me to her (that’s how I felt!), but after a few months, I began to realize that true freedom for everyone is built on a foundation of harmony and happiness in a relationship. Today, I understand that my former life was not true freedom but rather an escape from it. The ‘great freedom’ promoted by the media is actually a ‘great deception.’
Summary: The Fear of a Fixed Relationship – What Can Men Do?
If you can’t maintain a long-term relationship, don’t feel guilty (and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!). Overcoming the fear of a fixed relationship is a crucial step—enjoy the desire for freedom to the fullest. Don’t miss out on what seems essential to your life. After a phase of exhaustion, you’ll generally develop a sense of aversion (‘a false intention’). As is well known, humans pursue what they lack. When you start to tire of this excessive freedom, try approaching women who are highly self-sufficient (e.g., professionally independent) or very independent. In that case, you won’t feel as though they’re binding you.
What Should Women Do?
Of course, as a woman, it’s best not to fall in love with a man who fears a fixed relationship—regardless of the reason. But if it happens and you’re completely helpless, there’s still a ‘theoretical hope’—provided you believe it’s worth compromising and giving him the freedom he desires. If you try to hold him back with tricks or manipulations, you’ll likely lose him effortlessly. So: ask yourself—Is this man worth giving in to and granting him the freedom you desire? The philosopher Confucius once said, ‘To catch something, let it go.’ Even only a philosopher can do that—but the likelihood of him returning is, in fact, not very high. You should set a reasonable time limit for the relationship, but don’t tell him—otherwise, he’ll feel pressured and immediately retreat to Alaska or Central Africa. If, after the deadline, the relationship hasn’t changed in your favor, you’ll know what to do. Give him more opportunities to show whether he’s truly willing to continue the relationship. Perhaps he’s grown tired of his pursuit of freedom (as mentioned above). But if not, the effort is still worthwhile. Just never give in!
The Confident Woman:
‘As long as I’m not involved with them, I won’t mind smart women!’ This famous male chauvinist ‘slogan’ is the true and only truth for most men! Over three-quarters of men avoid smart women, and if smart women try to show off their superiority, it’s even worse. In a recent survey, 84% of men said the most important thing in a woman is appearance—curvy figures, slender legs, full breasts, etc.—while education, intelligence, and career success were rated no higher than before. Thus, the long-standing cliché has once again been proven true: if a woman has blonde hair, full breasts, and round buttocks, and if she’s also stupid, she’s the ideal partner for modern men.
You may have heard (or noticed) that men’s eyes first look at a woman’s breasts, then her buttocks, and only then her face!
Horst, 32 (interview):
Horst is well-educated and successful in his career—ten years ago, he might have been called a typical yuppies. In his free time, he doesn’t want to ‘think about anything or discuss anything.’ He refuses women who demand intellectual engagement without hesitation. Other men exhibit similar behavior in this regard.
‘If a woman keeps asking me to do things after work, just like the women colleagues in my office, why should I be nice to her? During the day at the office, I’ve already had enough of their pretentiousness and self-important displays of knowledge. Do I really have to engage in exhausting discussions or endless arguments with them at night? It’s too stressful, and I’m not interested in it. I want to tell them what I value most in a woman: beauty and good sexual performance. That’s what a woman should have. I truly appreciate it.’
Colin, 35 (interview):
‘Have you noticed that when women hold leadership positions and have a lot of power, how they change in appearance? They start as cute, beautiful creatures but become glasses-wearing tigers with acne. It’s all a result of an internal mindset shift. I can tell you honestly: I’d rather have a stupid man as my boss. If I have a boss who thinks she’s smart and knows everything better than anyone else, I’ve already had too many terrible experiences.’
Mr. X (anonymous letter):
‘I don’t know if this will help with your book about fear, but I just wanted to describe the type of woman I find most annoying. It’s the highly educated, pretentious woman: here’s a burlap bag, there are sandals, and there’s an Arab headscarf. To me, such women aren’t even women—they’re genderless creatures who just want to hide their ugliness and find excuses for it. My advice to them is: cover yourself up and go to an oil sheikh.’
Verna, age unknown (email):
‘I avoid smart women. They’re always busy and think they’re always right. You can’t expect anything sexual from them—they’re always wrapped up tight, and they try to explain everything with science. So I’d rather prefer simple girls from discos. Even if they don’t communicate much, it doesn’t matter to me—at least not to me.’