What should I do if my child wants everything?

Author: (German) Carol Schuster-Brink, translated by Chen Lu
Translator: Chen Lu / Country:
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2002-07-01
Features: The almost non-existent maternal instinct and creative motherhood provide advertisers with broader space. Advertising finally speaks to the hearts of mothers: responsibility. Love your child, give him the best on the market. There is everything on the market, you just need to make a choice. How to choose? Babies and children in advertisements are doing ads for diapers, moisturizers, and food. The performance model is basically like this: advertisers select the most adorable babies from among interested parents, and the waterproof diapers wrapped around the little buttocks of the babies are almost like crowns. If the TV could emit smells, this little star would undoubtedly be covered in the most expensive perfume. If the merchants provide the best products, there is no need for selection criteria. No diaper manufacturer will tell parents that diapers keep the baby's skin dry but prevent the baby from associating the urge to urinate with wet discomfort, which hinders the development of bladder contraction function. Due to the lack of completely correct selection criteria, mothers finally turn their attention to the advertising brands endorsed by the most adorable babies: "This baby looks so happy, the diapers he uses must not harm my child." As long as the vast children's consumer market exists, this principle applies to all corners of the market. Recognized again, Joseph's mother put many things in the tin box, and the outside of each box was written with words. The two-year-old boy knew very well what was in these boxes. He recognized words like oatmeal, sugar, and small lentils, and he opened the box and looked inside. Joseph could categorize small lentils, beans, and all things rolling and spinning into different bowls and plates, pour them on the ground, and then use a small shovel to put them back into the tin box. Because no one interfered with him, no one stopped him, he played so attentively, calmly, and leisurely. Trying new things Joseph moved things from the bottom of the cabinet and put them back, playing with pots, spoons, tableware, plates, bowls, and potatoes. Those fragile or dangerous items, the mother put them in the highest part of the cabinet. Sometimes, he put his kitchen treasures into his big cart and pushed it to another place in the house to leave them there. When Joseph wanted to pass a small lentil through "the beautiful Lot," his mother suggested putting the lentil in water to soak it, so he could cook lentil soup the next day, of course, without his help! Hearing his mother's suggestion, Joseph was overjoyed. Now he also wanted to soak a cup of oatmeal, and his mother gave him some milk and honey. After mixing them together into a thick porridge, he first respectfully scooped a few spoonfuls for his mother and then ate it by himself. In the chapter "Wealth Becoming Part of Life," I have already introduced you to nine-year-old boarding student Gregor. Here, I will talk more about him. Gregor's shortcomings are not obvious. When Irina had to receive treatment because she couldn't sleep, Gregor was an epitome of strength and health, showing no signs that he needed a doctor's help. After stealing a watch, his father paid for it, and soon after, Gregor stole his class teacher's expensive camera, and again, his father helped him pay. But Gregor neither needed a good watch nor wanted an expensive camera—he already had everything. Yet, Gregor became increasingly eager to have everything, because the things he owned gradually lost their charm. Over time, he no longer valued the value of an item but the excitement of obtaining it. Shopping or stealing? Where money doesn't work, shopping quickly becomes a boring thing. Many children who steal whatever they see in stores admit when caught that they don't really need those things. What attracts them is the special excitement they feel when stealing, regardless of the circumstances. Some even admit that they deliberately got caught, which can be understood as a cry for help: they are hidden, and the only force that can rescue them is external. They are willing to stop or turn back, but they have never learned to believe in themselves or to harness their own strength. Unfortunately, their life trajectories are often set this way. ◎ This inner crack formed early: Many of these consumer kings understand a lot before adolescence and bid farewell to their childhood in the wrong paradise. ◎ They often join certain small groups, where they are respected, taken seriously, and find someone they admire, which is what they have been struggling to find for a long time. ◎ They know nothing about anything other than consumption, so they uncritically accept ideologies and simple slogans, and they establish enemies to enhance their own value. ◎ There are also experiences in groups that are unfamiliar and symbolize unity on the surface. Situations prone to interference In a family, each member is an independent individual with their own goals, plans, desires, and ideas, which may conflict with those of others. If one member gets less than others, it will have a negative impact on everyone, because the living space is too small. As soon as one child's behavior becomes problematic, one of the parents will become depressed or drown their sorrows in alcohol, dragging everyone else into it. Family problems cannot be avoided, and the actions of each member mesh together like gears, bringing interference factors to the family but also providing opportunities. Analyzing the situation If you, as a mother, notice something wrong in your home, you should first carefully analyze these situations. Only after understanding the cause can you take targeted measures to bring the family members back together. ◎ Write down the things that bother you. ◎ Try to find the reasons for your frustration. ◎ What caused this feeling of frustration? ◎ How did you react to it? ◎ Does this situation happen often? ◎ Does your reaction make the situation worse? Example: An argument at home After finishing dinner with your children, you chat with them in candlelight. The children have finished brushing their teeth and are putting on their pajamas when the door is knocked open, and your husband comes home cheerfully. He wants the whole family to sit with him and turns on the TV. Soon, a party starts on the sofa: there are cola, cookies, and surprise eggs. What do you do? ◎ You feel unhappy. ◎ The children have to brush their teeth again. ◎ Your educational method of "children in pajamas have finished eating" is completely ruined. ◎ You feel resentful. ◎ Your husband says you are serious and ruin his fun. ◎ You know he's not the first time making you angry, and you need to find a way to turn the situation around. The example above tells us what is essential for the normal functioning of a family: when the demands, expectations, and interests of spouses or children are different, it is necessary to find a solution that everyone can accept, so that no one feels disadvantaged and everyone's self-worth is preserved. Sometimes, just putting yourself in their shoes and listening patiently is enough to solve the problem. Different demands and expectations Why does the man do this instead of something else in our example? He loves his children and has been looking forward to seeing them for several hours. Sitting in front of the TV with them while eating snacks is his dream, perhaps something he dreamed of since his youth. Why does the mother do this instead of something else? She has been around the children all day, and if they are quiet at night, she would be happy if they went to bed early. She is delighted to see her husband come home from work—watching TV together or not. But now the children are squeezed onto the sofa, making stains everywhere, jumping around, and acting like little gods. How can we solve this problem? The mother would do well to choose another day, perhaps a Sunday, to have an honest talk with her husband about that evening. ◎ She lets him know that she and the children are in a specific environment all day. ◎ She should clearly tell him that the things he brings back disrupt this environment and ruin her educational efforts. If it's time to go to bed, it should be bedtime. ◎ She suggests that he take off his coat and shoes next time so that he can blend in with the family more pleasantly. Getting benefits through asking questions Contrary to this, if you ask and answer patiently, forming a real dialogue through this process, children will learn a lot from this form. At the same time, as adults answer, children can correct their own pronunciation. The stronger their speaking ability, the more different questions they can ask. Their "whys" are slowly covered with a thick coat, and adults find it easier to answer questions. But in principle, a simple "why" and an extended "why" are equally important, for example: "Mom, why do leaves fall from the trees in autumn?" Answers should be honest and patient Children need a conversation partner who can talk to them patiently and honestly. There should be no taboo topics for infants and young children. They will innocently and maliciously ask some questions that parents are shy to answer—such as the differences between men and women or where children come from. They are very sensitive to when they are lied to, or when they are given vague answers or completely ignored. If children are not allowed to ask questions, if they no longer expect honest, correct answers and explanatory conversations, they will resort to (unrestrained) consumption to avoid thoughts and fill time. In this way, the opportunity for children to take control of their future and influence it is greatly reduced. Therefore, if children ask them questions, parents should answer honestly. Exploring the Meaning of God and Life Children ask the same questions as adults—where they come from and where they will go—but they ask them more openly. They have no objections to the "dear" God, but they dislike the teacher who constantly watches them and gets angry easily.