Leading Life: Grasping the Unknown Forces in Life

Author: (USA) Schop et al., translated by Lin Huise
Translator: Lin Huise
Country of Origin:
Publisher:
Publication Date: 2001-12-01
Features: Some tell us to "take control of our lives," as if we could quickly make a plan and follow it through. Our skepticism about this view is justified. In reality, we only need to set goals and then begin to plan our lives! Perhaps you know some people who have already tried these methods, or maybe you have tried them yourself a couple of times. Although the title of this book is "Mastering Your Life," in fact, up to this point, about the control methods I have discussed, you should already have some of your own ideas. This is a control that can align our inner thoughts with the various possibilities around us. It is the work of harmonizing our will with our destiny, a balance between "what I want" and "what is possible." Personally, I believe that achieving this balance is a very mature attitude. It represents our commitment to life and its limits, and a commitment to not giving up on the dreams within us. If a person's inner dreams are dead, in another sense, that person is also dead. However, if a person lives in a world of constant change and completely ignores their true needs, they can be said to have never truly lived. This is also true—they cannot find the "pull" to move forward in life, they cannot make their dreams come true, they cannot turn their desires into intentions, and they cannot turn their intentions into actions.
We all know some people who have many good ideas and unrealistic fantasies, always thinking about what things might have been or what the future might hold. I know one such person. He has many grand ideals and always tells his friends what he is going to do or that he is thinking about buying a house. The center of this drama is his self-proclaimed heroism. His story is clearly one he made up himself, so he can make himself feel important. However, those who know him well know that he will never do any of the things he says. After a while, no one wants to listen to him anymore, and in our eyes, he becomes increasingly pitiful. It's sad that he is indeed a very smart and talented person. With just a little time and effort, he could accomplish many of the things he boasts about, but clearly, he doesn't want to go through the effort, nor does he want to endure the process of hard work or face the inevitable failures that may come along the way.
What are the obstacles to our choices, and how should we deal with them? In fact, there are many obstacles, and the following are the most common. Fear of the unknown. Many of us fall into the "comfort trap." In our lives, we might not mind being unhappy, but we are afraid of being uncomfortable. For example, when we decide to change jobs, we are often afraid that we might experience a period without income; or if we decide to get married, we might fear that if the marriage isn't happy, life will be miserable. Those who fall into these traps are essentially voluntarily staying firmly in the footsteps they have created and walked before, their lives can be said to be trapped in a dead end. Fear of disagreement with family or others. Many people who are afraid to take action often say, "No one in my family has ever done this, we're not like that." Or more commonly, "I was never very smart in school, I don't think I'm qualified for college." Trying to challenge and break free from these cognitive constraints is a prerequisite for making bold choices. Don't be afraid of "what others will think." A former manager once said, "My job is a real disaster. I'm under so much pressure that I can barely breathe, and I barely have time to spend with my kids and wife. I start to dream of escaping this meaningless job race, maybe teaching. However, no matter how much harm my job has caused me and my family, I still can't help but ask myself, 'What will others think? When I tell my golf buddies that I'm giving up a high-paying job to live a simple life, what will they think?' So I use these imaginary conversations to numb my life and just go through the motions." Changing this mindset requires some effort, but as this man said, most of the worry and fear people feel when facing change are actually imaginary. The desire to live a better life for yourself or your family is more important than anticipating how others will react. After all, they are just passersby in our lives.
Don't be afraid of failure. "What if I fail?" is a common voice among those who fear progress. For them, staying put is safer than taking any new risks. Usually, you only need to create a simple "bad plan" for the decisions you've carefully made to make these obstacles disappear. For example, if you propose to take a long break from work to study at a research institute, but later find that the courses aren't appealing, what will happen if you decide to drop out and go back to work? Or if you start a business but don't make a profit, what could go wrong? Having the courage to face these problems and understand the real traps that come with choices will allow you to become a conqueror of fear, not a victim of inaction.
Some tell us to "take control of our lives," as if we could quickly make a plan and follow it through. Our skepticism about this view is justified. In reality, we only need to set goals and then begin to plan our lives! Perhaps you know some people who have already tried these methods, or maybe you have tried them yourself a couple of times. Although the title of this book is "Mastering Your Life," in fact, up to this point, about the control methods I have discussed, you should already have some of your own ideas. This is a control that can align our inner thoughts with the various possibilities around us. It is the work of harmonizing our will with our destiny, a balance between "what I want" and "what is possible." Personally, I believe that achieving this balance is a very mature attitude. It represents our commitment to life and its limits, and a commitment to not giving up on the dreams within us. If a person's inner dreams are dead, in another sense, that person is also dead. However, if a person lives in a world of constant change and completely ignores their true needs, they can be said to have never truly lived. This is also true—they cannot find the "pull" to move forward in life, they cannot make their dreams come true, they cannot turn their desires into intentions, and they cannot turn their intentions into actions.
We all know some people who have many good ideas and unrealistic fantasies, always thinking about what things might have been or what the future might hold. I know one such person. He has many grand ideals and always tells his friends what he is going to do or that he is thinking about buying a house. The center of this drama is his self-proclaimed heroism. His story is clearly one he made up himself, so he can make himself feel important. However, those who know him well know that he will never do any of the things he says. After a while, no one wants to listen to him anymore, and in our eyes, he becomes increasingly pitiful. It's sad that he is indeed a very smart and talented person. With just a little time and effort, he could accomplish many of the things he boasts about, but clearly, he doesn't want to go through the effort, nor does he want to endure the process of hard work or face the inevitable failures that may come along the way.
Why should you accept will? We should have more desire and will, rather than simple selfish thoughts or just wanting material enjoyment. Accepting your will and desires will help you live in very positive ways and make you more aware of who you are in the world and what you want to achieve. The benefits of a life full of will and hope include:
· Seeing your inner desires and needs transform into true fulfillment in life.
· Achieving more success in life and work, in the areas where you want to complete important things or achieve success.
There are many other benefits as well, such as improving your own abilities to help those around you more, not just materially, but also by helping to fulfill their own inner hopes. For example, if you have children, they can learn important life lessons from parents who have lofty dreams and visions.
How can will work for you now? Now that you know the true nature of will and have discovered how it benefits our lives, instead of destroying it, why not see if it can do something for you? Here are some methods:
Overcome your negative thoughts. If every time you ask for something or want something, you feel guilty, it might be a good idea to check where these thoughts are coming from. Be honest with yourself and see if you really have these negative feelings. Reflect on your past. If your parents taught you to be humble about everything, not to ask for anything but to wait for opportunities to come on their own, they might have unknowingly set up a growth plan for you that prevents you from understanding what you truly want. If you agree with this idea and no longer believe in what you truly think, there might be some long-held negative attitudes deep within you that you should now explore.
Don't say more—it seems this is especially true for women. Here is an explanation from a woman I know: "I was raised to never ask for too much or expect too much. In my family, the most important thing for women is to help others meet their needs. Now, if you are a parent, or if you have to take care of sick parents for a while, helping to meet others' needs might be more important, but if you make others' needs the center of your life, it won't help you create a vibrant life for yourself."