Sensitive People: How to Face Upper-Level Pressure

Author: Elaine N. Aron
Translator: Zhang Guoqing, Zhou Dan, Li Xueyang
Country: United States
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2001-12-01
Features:
Kristen’s Crisis Everyone faces crises in life at some point, and highly sensitive people react particularly strongly to them. If you view this reaction as your main flaw, you actually magnify the stress of life crises, making you feel isolated and helpless. Take Kristen, for instance. She encountered this crisis during her freshman year of college. Kristen attended a private high school during her middle school years, living a simple academic life. She had never left her hometown. But now she was suddenly surrounded by strangers, struggling in crowds for courses and books, and constantly exposed to various forms of overstimulation. Next, she embarked on a whirlwind romance and became deeply involved (a typical behavior for highly sensitive people). Shortly after, she traveled to Japan to meet her boyfriend’s family. This event alone was enough to terrify someone as sensitive as she was. During her stay in Japan, as she put it, she was almost “losing her mind.” Kristen never saw herself as someone perpetually anxious, but in Japan, she was suddenly overwhelmed by fear. She couldn’t sleep, and her willpower plummeted. This emotional state terrified her. Her self-confidence dropped sharply. Her young boyfriend didn’t know how to handle her breakdown and wanted to end their relationship. After returning to school, Kristen worried that her academics would also fail. At that point, she was on the brink of collapse. Kristen choked up as she told her story. She looked up at me. “I’ve heard you’re researching sensitive people. I wonder if I belong to that category. I hope I don’t, right?” I told her that based on our brief conversation, I couldn’t be sure if she fit the description. But I believe it can be said that her sensitivity and the pressures she faced were likely the reasons for her current mental state. So I explained to Kristen about her own condition, which, it turned out, was something others should have explained to her much earlier.
Those Who Choose to Help Others Highly sensitive people are acutely aware of others’ suffering and often intuitively know how to alleviate it. As a result, many highly sensitive individuals choose careers in helping others, but many burn out. In reality, wanting to help others doesn’t necessarily mean doing exhausting work. Many highly sensitive people persist in front-line roles, meaning they accept intense stimuli. If they stay on the sidelines, sending others to the front, they feel guilty. But I think by now, you should understand that many people are well-suited for front-line work and actually enjoy it. So why not let them fulfill their desires? The rear also needs people—people to strategize outside the battlefield. In other words, some people love cooking, while others love washing dishes. I love cooking, but for many years, after finishing my meals, I wouldn’t let anyone else handle the chores like washing and scrubbing. Finally, one day, I heard someone say, “Honestly, I love washing dishes and hate cooking.” One summer, I visited the Rainbow Warrior, a ship of Greenpeace, and listened to sailors share their harrowing experiences. Some said they had worked on the bow of a large whaling ship, while others said they had been in the range of torpedoes and machine guns for days. Although I love whales, I would definitely be a hindrance in such a situation, let alone help, but I could assist them in other ways. In short, you don’t have to take on overly stressful work. Let others handle it—they’ll do it better. You don’t have to work all day. In truth, working fewer hours might even be determined by your job’s nature, though it’s best not to make it widely known. Stay healthy and keep your arousal levels in check—these are the conditions for helping others.
Highly Sensitive People and Physical Therapy If your body or mind deteriorates due to a psychological condition to the point of losing control, physical therapy is the best way to stop the decline for highly sensitive people. You might currently be experiencing insomnia, fatigue, depression, or extreme anxiety, or a combination of these emotions. The causes of these sharp mood swings are varied and diverse. However, physical therapy is effective in treating various forms of depression, such as that caused by viruses, workplace setbacks, the death of a close friend, or depression triggered by painful topics in therapy—all of which can be treated with medication. In all treatments, it makes sense to first address the physical symptoms because only when the body is calm can one think clearly. The most common form of physical therapy is medication, but I’ve also seen other methods. A highly sensitive person went on vacation to an unfamiliar tropical destination, putting all his problems aside. This approach successfully halted his worsening condition. Upon returning, he approached his old problems with a fresh perspective. In another case, to prevent anxiety from escalating, a man stayed home during his vacation. What he needed was reduced stimulation. Your intuition will accurately guide you in choosing the right physical therapy to change your mental state. Another patient cured himself through meticulous nutritional adjustments. Everyone’s nutritional needs are different, and their dietary restrictions vary greatly, with even greater differences among highly sensitive people. Especially if you suffer from chronic arousal, you may need additional nutrients, as we may overlook these substances or absorb only a small portion of the nutrients we consume due to poor appetite or digestion. Proper nutrition is crucial for highly sensitive people. One thing most people agree on is that they collapse quickly after feeling hungry. Therefore, no matter how busy or overwhelmed you are, you must stick to regular meals. If you are a highly sensitive person with eating disorder issues, failing to address this problem will undoubtedly lead to serious trouble. There are many ways to correct your diet. I’d also like to mention the significant impact of hormonal changes on the body, which is even greater for highly sensitive people. The same applies to variations in thyroid hormone secretion. All these secretion systems are interconnected and have a profound effect on cortisol and brain neurotransmitters. Sometimes your mood may fluctuate inexplicably, feeling great one moment and utterly worthless the next. Or you might alternate between bursts of energy and lethargy, clarity and confusion. These symptoms suggest an issue with your hormonal secretion.
Whatever physical therapy you choose—whether medication or massage—remember that you are highly sensitive. Therefore, when taking medication, you should insist on starting with the smallest dosage. You should also carefully select your massage therapist and inform them in advance that you are highly sensitive. This often helps them recall similar cases they’ve encountered and understand what to do (if they haven’t treated many sensitive people or can’t remember any, they may not be able to treat you). You should also be wary of strong empathy from the massage therapist, just as with any therapist. Especially if they are also working on your psychological issues, the empathy generated in this situation can be very intense. However, I believe this empathy is not always wise, at least for highly sensitive people. You may crave hugs and comfort and understanding, and these needs can sometimes be met through words or touch. But the words and touch of the massage therapist may be extremely similar to what you desire, causing confusion and unease. If a therapist is treating both your mind and body, you need to be particularly cautious. Check their credentials and qualifications. They should have undergone years of training in interpersonal psychology, not just physical therapy.
Highly Sensitive People and Psychotherapy Psychotherapy is often highly appealing to highly sensitive people. Almost every highly sensitive person I’ve discussed who needed therapy for inner trauma had their own spiritual practice. One reason is that we enjoy introspection, and another is that we believe if we can view things differently and calm our arousal, we can grasp our distressing circumstances. Most forms of psychotherapy aim to provide that new perspective. Many of us have already undergone psychotherapy to regain confidence. However, psychotherapy also has drawbacks, at least some risks, especially if you rely solely on it. First, it may lead you to avoid other forms of training, such as learning how to interact with others or understanding your body, mind, and emotions. Second, it may also result in strong empathy for religious leaders or groups, who may not know how to help you overcome your tendency to idealize them. Instead, they might even deliberately cultivate this emotional attachment, as it keeps you receptive to whatever they want you to do, and they are convinced it’s beneficial for you. I’m not just referring to “cults” here—people can just as easily become overly idealized by priests in mainstream religions, leading to misguided empathy. Third, most religions emphasize self-sacrifice, sacrificing personal desires. Sometimes people dedicate themselves to God, and other times to religious leaders, with the latter being more common. I believe there are moments in life when self-sacrifice is justified. Some Eastern philosophies also hold that desires are the root of suffering. However, focusing solely on the past and dwelling on personal issues can disconnect you from reality, make you forget your true responsibilities, prevent you from considering things beyond yourself, and hinder your ability to prepare for the future. Yet, I’ve seen many highly sensitive people abandon themselves too early. If you feel your self isn’t important, making such sacrifices comes easily. Moreover, those who truly succeed in sacrificing themselves often radiate a light of faith. If you know such people, you may find yourself wanting to be like them. But this divine glow offers no guarantee—it may simply reflect a stress-free, regular, peaceful life, which is rare. Such saints may be a mess psychologically, socially, and even morally, sometimes even tangled in ethical dilemmas. Like a house, the top floor may be brightly lit, while the lower floors are dark and disorganized. In this world, true redemption or enlightenment can only come from addressing personal pain, not by taking shortcuts. For highly sensitive people, the greatest challenge isn’t avoiding society but stepping out of their inner world and engaging with it.