Interpersonal Communication for Men and Women

Author: Jin He / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-01-01
Features:
1. Notes for the First Date
1. Attitude Sincere and Not Arrogant
Both parties should arrive on time for the date, as this shows sincerity. If there is an unexpected delay, an apology should be given, and the reason explained. After meeting, one should appear composed and confident. Excessive shyness may make the other feel uncomfortable, while excessive boldness often invites suspicion. When listening to the other person’s conversation, avoid being distracted or staring intently. A natural demeanor is preferable.
2. Neat and Unpretentious Attire
As the saying goes, "Seven parts appearance, three parts dressing." Those going on a date should dress slightly better than usual, showing respect for the occasion and the other person. A woman’s outfit can be more colorful, while a man should avoid wearing dirty clothes. In summer, pay attention to the cleanliness of the shirt collar and handkerchief. If possible, choose clothes that suit your skin tone and figure, and aim to "highlight your strengths while concealing your weaknesses." However, excessive pursuit of fashion may backfire.
3. Enthusiastic and Not Frivolous Conversation
Traditionally in China, the male is the one who takes the initiative on a first date, while the female is more reserved. The male should ask some questions to spark conversation and avoid long periods of silence. The topic of conversation should be general and easy to discuss, with short questions that make the other person feel comfortable answering. Topics can include work, studies, hobbies, or daily life, avoiding questions that may make the other person feel awkward. If the other person is quiet, quickly change the topic. Both parties can introduce themselves, including family members and personal interests, but avoid boasting. Some young people may have bad habits, so it’s best not to let them ruin the first date. Swearing is absolutely forbidden, as it is seen as disrespectful, uncivilized, and impolite.
4. Choosing an Appropriate Meeting Place
The meeting place should be a public place familiar to both parties, such as a park, square, riverside, lakeside, tea house, or cinema. It’s best not to meet at one person’s home or in an unfamiliar place, especially for a first date. The place should be quiet but not too secluded, as quietness creates a good atmosphere for conversation, while seclusion can be unsafe. The choice of meeting place should also consider the distance for both parties, especially for the female. A girl once said her boyfriend was very considerate. When asked how she knew, she replied, "Every time we went on a date, he chose places close to my workplace and home, while I had to travel far. He did it all for my convenience."
5. Keeping the Conversation Light and Pleasant
Conversation during a date is the best time to get to know the other person and showcase yourself. You should take the initiative in the conversation and learn as much as possible about the other person’s interests and hobbies, avoiding the early exposure of your weaknesses to steer the situation in your favor. The topic of conversation should be light and pleasant. Always maintain a cheerful and happy mood, as dating is not a lesson and does not require moralizing. Topics should be relaxed. If the other person enjoys rambling, don’t interrupt. Instead, be a good listener. At the same time, avoid bringing up academic topics. Topics should be drawn from everyday life, such as TV shows, newspaper social sections, music, sports, or cute pets like cats, dogs, tropical fish, pigeons, or birds, as these can help bridge the gap between strangers.
6. Paying Attention to Etiquette
As a special form of social interaction, dating should reflect modern civilization, with etiquette and politeness the entire process. When proposing a date, courtesy and a consultative tone are essential, whether through direct invitation, phone call, or letter. Avoid a commanding tone. When deciding the meeting place, consult the other person first, prioritizing their convenience. If they insist on you deciding, propose your suggestion and let them choose. Only after they agree should you finalize the decision. In terms of timing, the person proposing the date should arrive a bit early, showing respect. If there are special circumstances preventing you from arriving on time or changing the meeting time, do your best to inform the other person. If you cannot notify them in time, apologize afterward, as missing a date is impolite. The person arriving first should also be understanding and comforting if the other person is late or misses the date. Don’t be unkind if you have the advantage.
The person being asked out, usually the female, generally ends the date. However, if the person asking out, usually the male, has an urgent matter, they can directly end the date but must apologize. If you feel the other person is not your ideal match, don’t leave after just a few minutes. If there’s nothing to talk about, discuss other topics until a certain atmosphere forms, then politely end the date. After the date, the male should see the female off, showing respect. If it’s not late or daytime, you can see them off at the bus or subway station. If it’s late at night, offer to take them home, and if they don’t object, walk them all the way to their door.
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