Sunset on the horizon

Author: Wang Yan / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publishing Date: 2006-07-01
Features: In Chapter 16, Spring has arrived, but Tang Lufei is drowsy and listless. At first, she thought her fatigue was due to the season. But unexpectedly, for weeks, she felt dizzy and restless, filled with an inexplicable irritability. Even the news of her good friend Lin Xiaoyun’s return didn’t excite her. Tang Lufei, who had returned from China, noticed her daughter’s abnormality. Used to her daughter’s impulsive and restless nature, she suddenly found her as if frozen by frost, her heart racing with worry. She urged her to get a check-up. She was fine. Qianqian was already enrolled in the Miao Miao Kindergarten. As for her, she still worked part-time, two days a week. One, to regain her figure; the other, to take a break and relive the honeymoon dream with Qian Nanbang. But what puzzled her was that since giving birth to Qianqian, her husband Qian Nanbang had seemed bound by strict rules, ignoring her nighttime needs. Her confidence was shattered that night when Qianqian turned one year old. That night, as usual, they exchanged trivial talk before bed, and Tang Lufei suddenly felt a wave of heat, as if something was tormenting her, making her restless. She pushed Qian Nanbang and pouted, "I want a bath tonight." Their bedroom had a bathtub, and it was deep, requiring a lot of water for a bath. Usually, everyone was too busy to care about anything but "speed" at night, leaving the bathtub more like a decoration. Tang Lufei suddenly wanted to use the bathtub, and Qian Nanbang was taken aback at first but then understood her intention.
"Go ahead then," Qian Nanbang said, avoiding her suggestive gaze.
"No, I want you to come with me," Tang Lufei said, snuggling close to his shoulder and starting to undo the silk ribbon of her nightgown.
"Why the rush?" Qian Nanbang teased, lying on the bed lazily.
"I am in a hurry," Tang Lufei said, feeling her limbs tingle with excitement, her body surging with desire.
"Qianqian isn’t weaned yet, is she?" Qian Nanbang finally found an excuse.
Tang Lufei smiled, her body sticking to him like sugar, pinching his nose playfully.
"Does it matter whether she’s weaned or not? Besides, when we were having Lulu, we didn’t have these concerns," she said, as if lost in a fantasy.
"This time is different. Qianqian is our son, and he needs plenty of milk. I don’t want to be suspected of stealing his milk," Qian Nanbang said, poking her forehead and gently pushing her off him. Tang Lufei rolled to the other side of the bed.
"Ouch, you hurt me," Tang Lufei grumbled.
Qian Nanbang excused himself for being thirsty and left the bedroom. After that, Tang Lufei no longer took the initiative to show affection, and her dissatisfaction and suspicion grew deeper. What was wrong with him? On many long, lonely nights, Tang Lufei would soothe Qianqian to sleep and lie motionless in bed, waiting for his familiar footsteps. The waiting often made her tremble with nerves. She bit the corner of the blanket, trying to suppress the urge to urge him to bed. Of course, these devilish desires only occurred in the dark. During the day, she seemed perfectly normal. She chatted and laughed at work; at home, she cared for her elderly parents and children, attending to every detail. Her relationship with Qian Nanbang also appeared normal on the surface, and outsiders couldn’t notice the cracks. Because they could always find so many common topics to discuss endlessly, often arguing. However, in recent days, Tang Lufei had become increasingly aware of the deep crack in her soul. Once the normal flow of life was blocked, she found herself helplessly drifting into darkness, no longer loving the bright sky or the crowds below. Except for the two days she had to go to work, she spent most of her time locked in her house. She knew her spirit and body were fermenting. On one hand, she felt disgusted with herself, trying to break free from the desires that restrained her will. On the other, she developed a deep hatred for Qian Nanbang.
"Lu Fei, I heard Lin Xiaoyun almost lost John’s son," Lin Xiaoyun said. The news of the little boy Sam losing his way in the forest while sleeping in the woods spread the next day. Tang Lufei’s mother learned the details from an old woman who rented her videotapes and used it to probe whether her daughter’s illness stemmed from the contradictions in her friend’s story. Tang Lufei’s mother was nearly seventy, in good health, with a full set of strong teeth, allowing her to enjoy life’s pleasures in her later years. Four years ago, she immigrated to the United States with a whole box of videotapes. She recorded every episode of popular TV dramas, labeled them with the broadcast date, and made them her primary social activity and spiritual solace in America. At first, she lent them to familiar friends. Later, word spread, and many students came to borrow them, so she started charging a small fee—two cents per episode, ten episodes for two yuan, still cheaper than the rental fees in Huaxia Shopping Center. When she told her daughter about Lin Xiaoyun’s news, she was holding the second part of the long-running drama The Eunuch Prime Minister, Liu Luo Guo. Seeing no reaction from her daughter, she switched to complaining, "Look at these little students now, they’re so unreliable. They said they’d watch Liu Luo Guo, then called to say they wouldn’t. What’s the point of watching the second part without the first?"
"Mom, what did you say about Lin Xiaoyun?" On a weekend evening, Tang Lufei was lazily leaning against the staircase, listening to her mother’s chatter while watching Lulu teach Qianqian to build blocks. Qian Nanbang, who was busy preparing dinner in the kitchen with a apron around his waist, peeked out with half his face, joking, "You’re such a terrible friend."
"What’s wrong with her?" Tang Lufei asked, entering the kitchen.
Qian Nanbang briefly described the incident. Tang Lufei sighed with relief, "It was just a false alarm." Then she glanced at the tomatoes on the stove and remembered how newspapers and radio stations kept promoting that eating tomatoes could boost libido. Her body felt weak—perhaps because she hadn’t eaten tomatoes in a long time.
"What are you going to cook with tomatoes?" Her voice was light.
Every weekend, Qian Nanbang cooked the meals. He was skillful and moved swiftly in the kitchen. His face was ruddy, his strong, round arms bare, looking powerful. Tang Lufei asked as he opened the refrigerator to get eggs, not turning back.
"Stir-fried chicken and crab," he replied.
"If it’s stir-fried eggs with tomatoes again, you might as well not bother. That won’t increase libido, and it’ll," Tang Lufei blurted out, then realized her mistake and blushed.
"What, about reproduction?" It wasn’t clear whether Qian Nanbang didn’t hear clearly or was pretending to be deaf. He quickly stirred the eggs. After mixing the eggs, he picked up a cleaver to cut the chicken and boil the broth. Tang Lufei watched his series of actions, her heart seething with hatred for his innocence.
Over ten years of marriage, she had been perfectly satisfied, but now—
"What are you thinking about?" Qian Nanbang hadn’t completely forgotten her existence.
"Do you remember Moon Lake?" Tang Lufei suddenly asked, her eyes shining with the light of youthful dreams.
"Moon Lake?" Qian Nanbang paused, asking calmly, "Why do you suddenly think of it?"
"I want to take the kids back to China for a visit when I have time. I’ve missed that place, missed the place where we were young and romantic," Tang Lufei said, her nostalgic tone touching Qian Nanbang.
"Yes, we’ve been abroad for ten years, and both our parents have immigrated. We’ve missed so many opportunities to visit home. It’s time we went," he said.
"Do you remember the heart-shaped lock we hung on Tian Du Peak in Huangshan?" Tang Lufei asked softly. Seeing no reaction from Qian Nanbang, she murmured to herself, "I wonder if all these years of wind and rain have worn it down beyond recognition. I really wish I could go back and revisit those old places marked by our honeymoon memories."
Qian Nanbang glanced deeply at her, her haggard and listless face making him feel guilty. A wave of remorse washed over him. In that instant, he moved the cleaver toward his own finger.
"Be careful," Tang Lufei rushed over and snatched the knife. Holding the knife, her eyes sharply fixed on Qian Nanbang.
"What’s on your mind?"
"What’s on my mind?" Qian Nanbang stammered, then gave a nervous smile, teasing, "It’s just that you’re watching me, I got flustered."
"Are you a foodie or something? You’re afraid of me watching?" Tang Lufei handed the knife back, muttering.
"Foodie? No, no, at most a little chef, trained by you, Tang boss’s little chef," Qian Nanbang said,.
"Mom, Mom," they were about to continue their verbal sparring when their son Qianqian’s shrill scream came from the living room. Accompanying the cry was the parents’ soothing voice.
"What’s wrong?" Tang Lufei turned into the living room.
"Little brother tore a book," Lulu handed the torn book to her mother. Tang Lufei didn’t take it but stared at her daughter.
"Did you hit him? Is that right?"
"No," Lulu tilted her head, refusing to argue.
"Liar," Tang Lufei said, her face flushed with anger. For some reason, Lulu’s little face, which resembled Qian Nanbang’s, became the outlet for the blocked air in her chest.
"If you didn’t hit him, why is he crying? I’ve told you countless times to learn to love and take care of your little brother. Tearing a book is wrong, but he’s not even two years old. Although he did wrong, you can’t hit him. You, you really make me angry. I’ve told you so many, and you just ignore them."
"I really didn’t hit him," Lulu said, furious, her face pale. Her brows furrowed, her eyes wide with defiance, she glared back at her mother, "He wanted to cry himself. What can I do?" Her disdainful attitude made Tang Lufei tremble with anger.
"Still stubborn? Who taught you to talk back to Mom like this? Qian Nanbang, come here," she yelled straightening her neck.
"Lu Fei, calm down. Lulu really didn’t hit Qianqian," Tang Lufei’s mother tried to intervene. But Tang Lufei was too angry to listen to any advice.
"Qian Nanbang, look at the daughter you’ve raised so well," Tang Lufei shouted for a long time but didn’t see Qian Nanbang’s figure. Her anger burned even brighter, and she poked Lulu’s forehead, her words fiercer.
"I’m so angry. I’ve raised you so hard. You think you’re grown up now, no longer need me! Tell me, when you’re old enough to fly, it’s still a long way off."
"You," Lulu, who had been unjustly cursed, tears welling in her eyes, blurted out in English, "You’re crazy."
The moment she finished speaking, Tang Lufei slapped her hard across the face.
"You dare say I’m crazy in English?" Tang Lufei raised her hand to strike again, but Qian Nanbang stopped her in time. Seeing her protected by her father, Lulu forgot to cry or feel pain and stared back at her mother with even more determination. In that moment, she forgot the mother who had always loved her as if she were precious, only wanting to vent her humiliation. She said clearly in English, "If you hit me again, I’ll call the police or tell the teacher. The teacher said hitting is abuse, and no one has the right to hit."
"Lulu, you can’t say things like that to the teacher randomly," Qian Nanbang said immediately, his tone serious.
"If she says it, I don’t mind. She’s probably tired of living at home and wants to leave early," Tang Lufei said angrily.
"Dad, I don’t want to go stay with someone else," Lulu cried.
"You’re arguing with a child for what?" Qian Nanbang scolded, turning to comfort his daughter.
"Lu Fei, your attitude toward Lulu is too harsh. Lulu really didn’t hit Qianqian," Tang Lufei’s mother criticized her daughter. Seeing Qian Nanbang holding Lulu’s hand and walking upstairs, she lowered her voice, "Your fierce expression earlier would make your mother-in-law heartbroken if she saw it."
"Her?" Tang Lufei said, "She’s not even in the running to worry about Lulu’s feelings."
"You’re not supposed to say things like that," Tang Lufei’s mother said, glancing at Qian Nanbang as if speaking to him.
Tang Lufei ignored her mother and confronted Qian Nanbang and his daughter with fire in her eyes. Lulu thought her mother was coming to hit her and screamed, hiding in her father’s arms. Qian Nanbang glared at Tang Lufei angrily,
"Look what you’ve scared the child into doing. Do you have to go on like this?"
"I don’t. Qian Nanbang, please tell your mother not to speak ill of us in front of others. They’re moving out—it’s their decision, not mine. You should know that better than I do," Tang Lufei suddenly shifted the conflict to Qian Nanbang’s mother, giving Qian Nanbang and Tang Lufei’s parents the impression that her recent confusion was related to Qian Nanbang’s mother.
"My mother? How could she possibly make you uncomfortable?" Qian Nanbang asked in disbelief.
"I’m not uncomfortable at all. When she lived here, she took away a bowl of cold cucumber salad I loved in front of you, and I wasn’t uncomfortable then. How could I be uncomfortable now!"
"Look at you, always repeating the old saying in front of the children. What do you mean by that?"
"What do I mean? Do you think a bowl of cucumber is worth? She’s so thin-skinned that she can’t stand me having a few extra bites?"
"Lu Fei," Tang Lufei scolded, "Stop talking."
"If I don’t say any less, everyone will think we’re deliberately pushing Qianqian out," Tang Lufei said furiously.