No Regrets Chronicle

Author: Liu Zhaolin / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2005-01-01
Features:
1. My wife's dream startled my idle mind—it couldn't be thunder in a snowy day. Where does thunder come from in snow? Waking up with thoughts, sleeping with dreams. It was a scorching summer noon when suddenly the wind and rain clashed, thunder roared, and entered my dream, turning into a storm of thunder and snow. I’m not saying it’s because I love snow; the northern region didn’t give me a snowstorm when it wasn’t snowing season. If I weren’t a northerner who loves snow, how would the rain in my dream turn into snow? In my dream, the woman who approached me while I was sleeping in the palace, seeking warmth, was actually my wife. She heard me say I was cold in my daytime dreams and wrapped a blanket around me. We took a nap together, and it’s certain that if I felt cold, she did too. After covering the same blanket, we both felt warm—it was inevitable. Using the same blanket for warmth brought us close, and closeness in warmth naturally breeds idle thoughts. But why wasn’t the woman who approached me in the dream my wife, and why did her image have nothing to do with her? In the past, whenever my wife noticed such dreams, she would seriously question me, and I would always lie and say it was her. Recently, when I truthfully told her it wasn’t her, she just smiled and said, "You soldiers are so disciplined by the 'Three Big Rules and Eight Items of Attention' that you act properly in the daytime, but you don’t pay attention to the seventh rule in your dreams." I said, "It’s not illegal or against anyone in my dreams, so why worry about the seventh rule?" She relaxed her stance even more, saying, "It’s fine if there’s nothing wrong in real life. Breaking a few rules in dreams doesn’t matter. Who in reality has never done anything wrong?" My wife’s ability to say this reflects a huge change in her moral views. As for how it happened, I haven’t figured it out yet. Is she reviewing her past supervision of me in this regard, or does she also want a little excitement? At the time, I didn’t focus on that; I was just moved by the snow in my summer daytime dreams. It was a heavily overcast day with strong northwest winds. I live in the top floor of a side building, and this building is connected to another main building in an L-shape, with my home at the intersection. It’s very windy, and both windows on the east and west sides are open. The overcast northwest wind poured in, directly hitting me. Growing up surrounded by snow, how could I not dream of snow? I got out of bed and pushed the tight windows, shooing away the wind and thunderstorm sounds that disturbed my nap. It was still early afternoon—I had over an hour before the military office started at 2:30 PM. My wife, still in a good mood,ly asked if my dream was about breaking the seventh rule again. I had been very agitated lately and had no interest in humor, so I replied coldly, "Have you relaxed the standards of spiritual civilization construction? Why are you checking on things in my dreams?" My wife, however, was in high spirits and had somehow become humorous too: "You’re dreaming again. It took you no time at all to think about the 'seventh rule'—it’s more serious than real-life issues!" I sarcastically replied, "If I’m serious, you’re even lighter. The dream scene proves you were the one moving closer to me, the one touching the 'seven'!" She said, "I’m neither a soldier nor a man, so the 'seventh rule' doesn’t apply to me." I said, "Actually, I dreamed of you. You called me to the office to pick up keys to a new apartment." I told my wife about the absurd dream. She said, "What’s absurd about it? This dream reflects your current state of mind. Think about it—these days, you’ve been complaining about being transferred to a civilian position, saying you’re neither military nor civilian, worse than ordinary civilians. Since becoming a civilian, every time you see a military rank, you’re troubled, and it’s hard not to dream about being promoted. The issue of housing has been causing a lot of arguments at home and outside, so naturally, you’re dreaming about it too!" I suddenly realized my wife wasn’t just more humorous than before but also more thoughtful. I grew more enthusiastic about talking to her and said, "How can things I haven’t thought about in my dreams appear?" I couldn’t resist telling her about the dream of a snake-bodied beauty and my closeness to her. She said, "What’s strange about that? It’s related to how you’ve always disliked my lack of fairness and thinness, so subconsciously, you always imagine women who are both slender and fair. And which woman can be slimmer than a snake? You’ve seen The Legend of the White Snake, so it’s normal to want to be like Xu Xian!" However, she warned, "Be careful—just because she’s slender and fair doesn’t mean she’s harmless. The White Lady is a goddess, but the snake-bodied beauty is a demon!" My wife had indeed become more tolerant and insightful, so I leaned by the window, trying to think like her. I stared at a large tree in the rain and thought, "This tree is truly remarkable. When the wind blows, it doesn’t avoid it, bend, or sway. It has deep roots in its own soil. In summer, it grows leaves that cover the sky, providing shade for people. No matter how scorching the sun is, it never leaves the ground beneath it. In autumn, the wind and frost cut its leaves to the ground, yet it still doesn’t move an inch. In winter, it stands firmly in the wind and snow, enduring the cold without freezing to death." As for me, I should be like such a tree! Twenty-three or four years of military service, a series of new and faded military uniforms, worn in and out like the cycles of spring, summer, autumn, and winter. I’ve taken root in this military camp, though I can’t move like the tree—moving would be deadly. Why should I get angry over whether the few stars on my uniform are there or not? I was just fulfilling my daytime dream when Secretary Zhu from the department suddenly called, saying the housing allocation plan was finalized and I should come to the office to sign my apartment number. I asked, "Secretary Zhu, how do I sign?" "By rank." "What rank am I?" "You’re number nine," Zhu said with a flattering tone. "The eight numbers before you are: Deputy Minister of Personnel, Deputy Minister of Propaganda, and Deputy Minister of our department." His tone clearly implied that you’re right after all the deputy ministers, enjoying the treatment of a leader! I was angry again and cut him off: "I was promoted to the rank of division general earlier than the deputy ministers—Deputy Minister Li, Deputy Minister Xing, and Deputy Minister Ma. How can I be ranked after all the deputy ministers?" Zhu said, "You’re a civilian, civilians can’t be ranked before leaders." I said, "This is about housing, not a meeting where we sit on the platform." "Well, forget it. It’s just about which floor you get." "Have you ever raised objections?" "No, it’s useless. It’s just about which floor you get." "The floor level reflects many issues!" "I’m only here to notify you to sign, not to handle anything else." "Then I won’t sign. I’ll talk to the director first." Regarding housing issues, in the past, I would never have thought of going to the director. If I did, I would have gone to them level by level. This is all because of being transferred to a civilian position. After hanging up, I immediately sat in front of the computer and typed out my feelings: "Twenty-three or four years of military life, I’ve gone through five changes in military uniforms—some changed color but not style, others changed style but not color. This time, when the People’s Liberation Army restored military ranks and the uniforms became more beautiful and dazzling, I, who once and wrote blood letters to wear a military uniform, became a civilian soldier. This can’t be said to have caused great harm to my feelings." I wanted to write a letter to the deputy director in charge of us to express the opinions of civilian soldiers. I could only use a pen to express my thoughts accurately and fully. I would have blurted it out if I’d said it in person or over the phone, too agitated. P8-11