What is garbage and what is love

Author: Zhu Wen
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2004-01-01
Features: This book is a representative long of the renowned novelist Zhu Wen. The novel depicts a segment of Xiao Ding's emotional journey. With fluent prose, the author draws readers into a ethereal and tranquil realm as he narrates the story. The book is characterized by its smooth writing, compelling plot twists, and strong readability and enjoyment... Xiao Ding, naked in his room, touched the more prominent papillary protrusion on his lower abdomen again with his fingers. Still, there was no sensation—no pain, no itch, no odor. Such a disease could only make one feel sleepy. You really couldn’t tell what it meant for you. Xiao Ding hugged his shoulders, leaning against the side of the cabinet, feeling the profound silence around him, as if a roaring machine had suddenly stopped. He picked up the dictionary and looked up the entry for "moles." Also known as papillomas, they are colloquially called verrucae. He thought he was finally beginning to understand and grasp the word. Can you live with a mole? Can you coexist peacefully with a mole? Xiao Ding tried to forget about it. A week later, the protrusion had become quite noticeable, resembling a brush and appearing milky white. Xiao Ding came to the window and examined it closely under the bright midday light. It was like a flower, and he could sense that it had life, whether he wanted it to or not, it would continue to bloom. Suddenly, Xiao Ding realized it was not alone; several small protrusions had already appeared around it, more vibrant because they were still inconspicuous. Xiao Ding felt a sense of panic. He tried to divert his attention, but couldn’t. He knew it was time to face it. Xiao Chu, as if angry, stepped forward and walked away without responding to Xiao Ding. She resumed her original rhythm on the stairs, moving quickly and resolutely in the dark hallway. Xiao Ding, with his eyes closed, listened to the sound of her high heels until the final sound of the door closing came from the top. Xiao Ding stood there for a moment longer. It seemed the door on the fourth floor had opened, and a woman’s voice was saying goodbye to the owner, "Hold on, hold on." Xiao Ding wanted to leave, but his feet refused to move even an inch. Later, he couldn’t move either, because the person upstairs had already hesitated and come down. Xiao Ding held his breath and pressed his body as close to the wall as possible. He watched a shadow pass by him and smelled the faint scent of perfume on the woman. Thank goodness, she didn’t notice him; otherwise, she might have tumbled down the stairs. Xiao Ding suddenly regretted not saying "hello" when the woman passed by him. If he had, he could have gone back to sleep with satisfaction. At that moment, he heard the woman’s footsteps reaching the bottom of the stairs, and suddenly, she started running frantically. Xiao Ding quickly leaned out the window at the staircase to look outside. Under the moonlight, he could see the woman in a skirt running and looking back anxiously at the staircase entrance. Xiao Dingly leaned his head back on the chair. He couldn’t remember why he had come here that night. He didn’t want to stay here any longer. He stood up and walked toward the door. Liu Meilin, behind him, timidly called out, "Hey, hey, are you done?" Xiao Ding gave a wry smile, "What are we playing? I’m leaving first." Liu Meilin said more urgently, "Cards? We’re not playing cards anymore? That guy Cheng Jun is coming over soon, right?" She turned her face toward Hu Jie. Xiao Ding remembered he had been invited to play cards with his mother, betting a little money. Hu Jie also looked at him with an expression that seemed almost expectant. Xiao Ding couldn’t understand why they still had the energy to play cards that day. After hesitating for a moment, Xiao Ding said, "Forget it. That guy Cheng Jun probably doesn’t have the time today." Liu Meilin said, "How could he not? Why don’t we call his house again to urge him?" As she said this, Liu Meilin was about to walk over to the phone. Suddenly, she stopped and looked pleadingly at Xiao Ding, "Why don’t you make the call?" Xiao Ding refused. He sat back down and watched the rabbit and the rabbit’s wife. Xiao Ding’s intention was to see how they would call Cheng Jun in front of him, with another person present. If they did, he, Xiao Ding, would stay and play cards with them, endure the night, and not care. Liu Meilin began to bend down and pick up the watermelon and broken plates on the ground, occasionally glancing at Hu Jie, who was sitting with her arms around her knees, chin resting on her knees, eyes closed but eyelashes fluttering. At that moment, the phone rang. Liu Meilin straightened up, handed Xiao Ding the two unblemished pieces of watermelon in his hands, wiped his hands on his apron, and walked over to the bedside table where the phone was. He gently placed the receiver on the table and nodded at Xiao Ding, saying, "It’s for you." Xiao Ding was astonished, "For me?" Xiao Ding had to return the two pieces of watermelon to Liu Meilin and wipe his hands on his apron as well. He never expected the call to be for him. Jin Li had first hung up the phone at Xiao Ding’s house, saying he had an urgent matter. Xiao Chu, who had argued with him earlier and wasn’t in the mood to play cards, had told Jin Li Liu Meilin’s phone number. Xiao Ding recognized Jin Li’s voice and felt a sense of unease. However, when Xiao Ding answered, the other person’s tone, which had been urgent before, softened. Cheng Jun called, asking if Xiao Ding was interested in traveling with him. He said, "Look, the weather is getting cooler. You’ve made it through, brother. It’s a crime not to go out and explore." His tone was excited, as if he had already packed a large travel bag. Xiao Ding suddenly looked up at the window. A very faint white cloud was swirling around the top of the fire station building. Cheng Jun followed up, "What do you think?" Xiao Ding came back to his senses and said, "Where to?" Cheng Jun said, "Anywhere." Xiao Ding said, "This idiot. It’s getting cooler, and he’s not staying home? Then this whole summer was wasted." Cheng Jun said, "What are you talking about? What are you doing at home? Are you writing something?" Xiao Ding said, "It’s such a nice day, and you’re cooped up at home writing? You’re such an idiot." Cheng Jun got a bit angry and said, "Alright, shut up, you bastard. Are you done yet? Are you going or not?" Xiao Ding said, "It’s obvious whether I’m going or not. Why ask again? This idiot!" Cheng Jun said, "Alright. Then you can sponsor me some money, or lend me some, how about that?" Xiao Ding said, "I knew it. You wouldn’t invite me for nothing! But do I have any money to lend you? Think about it, you idiot." Cheng Jun said, "Alright, I’ll think of something else. You bastard! I see you spend all day doing nothing but waiting by the phone, waiting for someone to call you, and then calling them an idiot. Are you? It’s better to go out and explore." Xiao Ding said, "Forget it. I don’t want to go anywhere." Cheng Jun seemed disappointed and said, "Alright then. I can invite someone else. This idiot! After scolding him, he hung up the phone. Xiao Ding walked around the room twice and suddenly felt a sense of regret. He dug out his phone book and searched for a long time but couldn’t find Cheng Jun’s number. In the end, he dialed a number from memory.
After November, Xiao Ding always felt his body was especially prone to fatigue, and occasionally, he experienced tinnitus. The sound was strange, like a homeless child whistling a mournful tune by a distant bridge in the evening. He had already returned to a relatively normal writing life, though he couldn’t produce anything substantial for the time being. He persisted in sitting at his desk, hoping to settle his restless life as quickly as possible, like his buttocks. He had considered stopping the antibiotic medication. Those pills, which had arrived in his life under the guise of justice, seemed to be fighting not against the terrible bacteria and viruses but against his health. Xiao Ding found it hard to imagine and accept a future in which he had to live with medication. He hoped one day he could take medicine with the appetite for food. Then he would truly be mature. Maturity meant that one could and should die. To live in a body was like living in a house, enjoying the happiness that the body’s antennae could strive to obtain and extract, but one had to bear the responsibility of maintaining the house and endure the pain of the house leaning or collapsing. But at that moment, both happiness and pain seemed illusory. Perhaps living in a house that was starting to leak would make one more aware of the desperate weather outside. Xiao Ding thought he was overthinking things. Sometimes, an idea would suddenly fill his entire head, and fear would grip his heart. His legs felt as if they were filled with cotton, and he had no strength to stand up from the chair. Sweat began to pour down his forehead, and his breathing became disordered. He felt ashamed of his excessive self-pity, which he had never hesitated to show. Additionally, he found his constitution becoming increasingly sensitive. Upon waking from his midday nap, he suddenly felt autumn fading away, with a subtle step like the wind. He even smelled the faint scent of winter in the air, arriving early in scattered wisps. He quickly locked the door and came downstairs, walking along the cement-paved sidewalk like a middle-aged man taking a stroll after dinner, pacing at a leisurely pace, all the way to the fire station building. Then he felt tired and began to walk back the way he came, knowing he couldn’t hold onto this feeling of warmth and closeness to the skin any longer. When he passed a motorcycle repair shop, he again felt tears welling up in his eyes. He thought, This doesn’t make sense. After all, this isn’t the last season he can have. It doesn’t make sense to be moved so easily. After dinner, he read for a while and then went to bed. He didn’t know what time it was, but he just felt tired. Lying in bed, he thought, From a certain perspective, being sick is also a kind of happiness. Just as he was about to fall asleep, someone outside started pounding on the security door violently. Xiao Ding didn’t want to answer, but the pounding outside became even more intense, and they were shouting his name. Xiao Ding recognized Cheng Jun’s voice, saying, "I know you’re inside." Xiao Ding had no choice but to get up and open the door. Of course, it was Cheng Jun, dusty and disheveled, and as soon as he entered, he lifted his hair to show Xiao Ding the brown scar on his head. Following him was a chubby girl with a flat nose. She gave Xiao Ding a slightly embarrassed smile, but her teeth were quite white. Xiao Ding had to go back to the inner room to pull up his pants. A familiar atmosphere of life suddenly filled the room, and Xiao Ding was almost dazed, sitting in the chair for a long time without being able to speak. Fortunately, Cheng Jun didn’t intend to talk to him about his travels. His face was flushed, and he was completely absent-minded. Xiao Ding said, "Alright, twenty minutes. I’m not feeling well today, and I need to rest early." Cheng Jun said, "That scar on your head alone should be at least half an hour." Xiao Ding grew impatient and said, "Alright, but make it clear, this is the last time. Twenty-five minutes." Cheng Jun said eagerly, "Of course, of course." As he said this, he quickly pulled the chubby girl and rushed into the inner room, locking the door behind them. After buying a pack of cigarettes from a 24-hour convenience store at the corner of Hongwu North Road, Xiao Ding returned to the cold, breezy overpass. Although the stores on both sides of the street were brightly lit, there were no pedestrians around, and it was late at night. He leaned his upper body on the railing, tore open the cigarette pack, and threw it down to the bridge below. Xiao Ding felt the chill seeping into his bones from his elbows, which were resting on the iron railing. He didn’t feel cold but rather a sharp pain. He stood straight up, holding a cigarette in his left hand and reaching into his back pocket for a lighter. Xiao Ding couldn’t remember when he started having a sense of the night. He didn’t fear the night but lacked the enthusiasm to face the cold, the black, and the unknown fear. Sometimes, he even wished he could be struck down heavily and be done with it. "Can I have one too?" a timid voice came from behind him, and Xiao Ding jumped. He turned around and stared at the young man, almost as tall as him, with a handsome and gentle face. Xiao Ding continued to stare at him and glanced at both sides of the bridge, unsure where this person had suddenly appeared from. He seemed to be dressed very lightly but didn’t seem cold at all. They only exchanged glances for a moment before quickly looking away. Seeing that Xiao Ding was still watching him, he pointed to the western side of the bridge and said, "I’ve been standing there the whole time, for a long time." Xiao Ding looked in the direction he pointed but said, "Impossible. I don’t remember anyone standing there." The young man then began to list one by one what Xiao Ding had been doing in the past half hour. But Xiao Ding was even more surprised. He was silent for a moment, then laughed to himself and held out two fingers in front of Xiao Ding. Xiao Ding then remembered about the cigarettes and quickly handed him one. But the other person didn’t take it, smiling awkwardly. Xiao Ding said, "It’s okay, I just took it out. My mouth hasn’t been in it yet." But the other person smiled again, as if still reluctant. Xiao Ding had no choice but to take out the cigarette pack and offer it to him. The cigarettes were neatly arranged in the pack, almost full. The young man extended three fingers and tried to pull out a cigarette twice but failed. He then took the whole pack with his other hand. Xiao Ding found it strange. He was dressed so lightly, but when he touched his hand, it felt hot, almost scalding. Xiao Ding felt his own hands even colder. Xiao Ding turned away, shielding himself from the wind with his body, and lit the lighter. As he came closer to light the cigarette, Xiao Ding saw a patch of stubble on his face and a small shiny scar at the base of his ear. The young man lit the cigarette and then gently tapped Xiao Ding’s hand twice with his index and middle fingers. Xiao Ding knew this was a gesture of thanks, but it still made him jolt inwardly, and he felt unnatural instead.