The Emotional World of University Students - Family, Friendship, and Love (2)

Author: Long Nini, Guo Linghui / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features: A father once wrote a letter to his son:
Dear Son:
Although you have broken my heart, you will always be my son. Since you entered university and became the first college student in our family for generations, I can no longer tell who is whose son. From carrying your luggage to university, to helping you hang mosquito nets, sew bedsheets, buy meal tickets, and even teaching you how to squeeze toothpaste—everything seemed like the most natural thing in the world to you. You even thought it was a great honor for your irresponsible father to serve your accomplished university son.
Indeed, you entering university made your parents incredibly proud. Although it’s not easy for university students to find jobs today, this was still a lifelong dream for your parents. Back then, university wasn’t about talent—it was about calloused hands and social background. Some even had to trade their integrity and dignity for a spot. This is why we were so proud of you.
However, your pride is unreasonable. During your freshman year, we only received three letters from you, shorter than a telegraph, concise yet vague, with messy handwriting—except for one letter that was neatly and clearly written with the word "money." You claimed to be too busy with studies to write, yet your female classmate from high school received dozens of pages of letters from you every week. Every time we passed the mailroom, we recognized your familiar handwriting but couldn’t claim the letters. Do you know how painful that was?
Later, as you entered your sophomore year, this torment gradually lessened. According to your high school classmate, it was because you started dating. In truth, we knew it even without her saying it. From your urgent, pleading letters demanding money, we could tell you’d make a great debt collector after graduation. At the time, your mother had lost her job, and your father’s meager salary clearly couldn’t afford your frequent visits to karaoke bars and restaurants. Yet in this situation, not only did you offer no comfort, but you even wrote a long letter praising how generous other people’s parents were. You struck a heavy blow to our hearts and added salt to the wound.
What hurt me the most was that this summer, you even altered the enrollment fee notice and misrepresented your tuition expenses. I’d already seen such news in the newspaper. I never imagined you’d resort to this trick to exploit the father who raised, loved, and cared for you. Although I didn’t lose my temper when I learned the truth, these past two months—since school started—I’ve been in agony and insomnia every time I think about it. It has become an obsession, and the root of it is you—my son, whom I raised with my own hands but feel utterly alienated from.
I wonder if, besides gaining knowledge and social experience, you’ve also grown a little bit of kindness in university?
—A Heartbroken Father
When this letter was first posted at Nanjing University, it caused a huge stir. Today, many university teachers and students still reflect on and discuss this heartbroken letter. Nanjing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics even posted a banner in its campus: "It is shameful for university students not to understand their parents." Many universities are planning gratitude activities inspired by the "Heartbroken Father’s" letter.
This letter deeply moved many teachers and students. Some students said the issues it raised are quite common in every university. Some spend 2,000 to 3,000 yuan—or even more—a month, and their extravagant lifestyles are strikingly similar: dining out daily (30 yuan a meal is considered cheap), splurging on smartphones, MP3 players, and branded clothing every month, and even more if they have girlfriends—traveling, dating, and enjoying fancy outings during holidays. Without money, what can they do? Yet most university students have no income. Driven by vanity and material desires, they resort to squeezing their parents dry, leading to the problems described in the letter.
We see that the father in the letter is indeed pitiful. He toiled for years to help his son achieve his dream of attending university, only to find that his son now only wants to exploit him. However, from a certain perspective, this father is also tragic because he never realized that his son’s moral decline was partly due to his own past parenting. Early childhood education is crucial. Parents should consciously cultivate empathy and gratitude in their children from a young age, as these are essential for fostering a sense of responsibility.
Some teachers also noted that the letter reflects a representative issue, highlighting the necessity of strengthening ideological work among university students.
However, some doubt the authenticity of the letter. A student said they’d seen the text online before and believed this was likely a downloaded version intended to criticize such behavior. It was reported that the letter was immediately torn down by a male student in anger, arguing that it was too one-sided and unfairly targeted too many people.
An experienced education expert suggested that the letter was probably written by a conscientious and socially responsible university student. But who wrote it doesn’t matter—what matters is that it exposed a serious problem: many contemporary university students lack love, conscience, and responsibility. This is something the student body and educators should deeply reflect on. They call for strengthening ideological work among university students, using this heartbroken letter as a turning point, while also examining the shortcomings of our education system.
It is reported that universities like Nanjing University and Nanjing University of Technology are planning gratitude activities on the fourth Thursday of November, which is Western Thanksgiving Day, encouraging students to write letters to their "heartbroken" or "unlucky" parents. Meanwhile, students at the Basic Medical College of Nanjing Medical University have been writing letters to their parents for years. Through these exchanges, they’ve come to understand the sacrifices their parents made, the hardships of life, and the value of self-reliance.
Letting the father no longer be heartbroken and helping university students become independent earlier is the common aspiration of most students.
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