Scroll of Wisdom - A Book That Can Open the Doors of Wisdom for Millions (Collector's Edition)

Author: Tang Wen
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-08-01
Features: Lesson 4 Learn to Get Along with Others Thinking of Others Can Help You Understand Others' Minds Better Those Who Can Put Themselves in Others' Shoes and Understand What Others Are Thinking Will Never Worry About the Future. When people interact, misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable. If you can put yourself in others' shoes and think for them, you will choose tolerance and patience. In this way, your willingness to endure can move others, and the conflict will be resolved smoothly. Jane Hawking, the wife of the famous physicist Stephen Hawking, is an outstanding woman who is good at "thinking for others" and has won widespread reputation. Stephen Hawking is known as the "most outstanding theoretical physicist after Einstein in the world." He was born in England in August 1942. In 1963, at the age of 21, he was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease (motor neuron disease) and soon became completely paralyzed, confined to a wheelchair for life. In 1985, Hawking underwent a tracheotomy due to pneumonia. After that, he completely lost his ability to speak and could only communicate with others through a small dialogue device installed on his wheelchair and a speech synthesizer. In such incredible difficulties, Hawking became a globally recognized giant in gravitational physics. He proposed the famous "black hole theory," and his book "A Brief History of Time" also became a bestseller worldwide. As the saying goes, behind every successful man there is a great woman. This is true. For a patient like Hawking, who has lost the ability to move and speak, his success would be unimaginable without the devoted care and selfless dedication of his wife, Jane. Jane, a graduate of London University, originally wanted to work for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs but gave up her promising career to care for Hawking and became a busy yet diligent housewife. However, some members of the Hawking family were not very friendly towards her, especially Hawking's proud sister, Philippa, who often mocked her. Once, Philippa fell ill and was hospitalized, and Jane accompanied her husband to visit her. At the hospital room door, Jane was told that Philippa only wanted to see Hawking and not her. At that moment, Jane felt deeply wronged and embarrassed. But she quickly controlled her emotions and put herself in Philippa's shoes: a person in the hospital is naturally in a bad mood, and her visit was to wish her well. Since Philippa didn't want to see her, there must be a reason. Thinking this way, her feelings of grievance and frustration vanished. She smiled and watched her husband enter the room while she stayed outside, reading a book on a bench and waiting for him for more than two hours. Two months later, Jane received a letter from Philippa, in which Philippa apologized for the hospital incident and said that from then on, she would be one of Jane's most loyal friends. It can be imagined that if Jane had left angrily or even rushed into the room to argue with the patient when denied access during a visit, their already strained relationship would have only worsened. But because Jane was willing to put herself in others' shoes, she chose patience and tolerance, ultimately moving and winning over Philippa. It was through this virtue of patience that Jane eliminated Philippa's prejudice and earned the respect and welcome of the entire Hawking family. No one is perfect, so when someone unintentionally ignores or offends us, we should try our best to be tolerant and forgive them rather than confront everyone and everything with hostility. Of course, the prerequisite for forgiving others is that you must be someone who habitually thinks for others. Zhang Zhongxing, a contemporary scholar, is a gentle and considerate man who always thinks for others. Zhang Zhongxing had a university classmate named Liang Zhengping, who became his close friend. Influenced by his older brother, Zhengping's younger brother Zhengshan also became a good friend of Zhang Zhongxing. At that time, due to inflation, prices were constantly rising, and the price of rice was soaring even faster. Some neighbors of Zhang Zhongxing gave him money, asking him to send Zhengshan back to his hometown to buy some cheap rice for emergency use. However, Zhengshan took the money and never showed up again. Later, Zhang Zhongxing had to pay the debt himself. Many years later, when discussing this matter, Zhang Zhongxing had no intention of blaming Zhengshan but instead tried to excuse him: "His absence later proves that he is still an honest person. No matter why, spending money on someone you deeply respect makes you feel ashamed to see them, and that is always pitiful. In fact, he was struggling financially at the time and had a hard time making ends meet. Taking a little money from him is understandable. Because he took money he shouldn't have, he no longer dared to see his old friends, which is a severe punishment for himself. It seems he still doesn't fully understand me. Could I resent him for this small mistake he made out of desperation?" If he didn't put himself in others' shoes, Zhang Zhongxing might not have understood Zhengshan's hardships and would have found it difficult to forgive him for his mistake under duress. Of course, to always "think for others" in every situation, one must have a broad and generous heart, being strict with oneself but tolerant of others. If one is too preoccupied with personal gains and losses and is obsessed with fame and fortune, it may be difficult to truly "think for others." As the saying goes, "what you sow, you reap." If you plant good seeds, you will naturally reap good fruits. In other words, if you often think for others, at a critical moment, others will naturally think for you too. Getting Others to Say "Yes" When you are talking to someone, don't start by discussing something you disagree with. Instead, emphasize and keep emphasizing what you agree with. Those who understand the art of conversation will get many "yes" answers right from the start. Professor Alford, in his book "Influencing Human Behavior," says: "When a person says 'no,' all their self-respect is already in action, demanding that they stick to 'no' to the end. Later, they might regret saying 'no,' but they must consider their precious self-esteem and insist on their position. Therefore, making the other person adopt a positive attitude is particularly important." This is indeed a very simple technique, but it is often overlooked by many people! Many people, when they open their mouths, foolishly propose things that others cannot accept, immediately putting others on the defensive and making it impossible to achieve their goals. Some people, however, have succeeded in this regard time and again. There was a salesman from Westinghouse named Allison who worked very hard to sell two engines to an engineer at a large factory. He was determined to sell hundreds of engines to him, so he went to see him again a few days later. Unexpectedly, the engineer said, "Allison, your company's engines are not ideal. Although I need hundreds, I don't plan to buy from you." Allison was shocked and asked, "Why?" "Your engines are too hot. They're so hot that I can't even put my hand on them." Allison knew that arguing would be useless, so he quickly adopted another strategy. He said, "Mr. Smith, I think you're right. Engines are too hot, and no one wants to buy them. The heat of the engines you need should not exceed the relevant standards, right?" "Yes."—Allison got his first "yes." "The Electrical Manufacturers Association's regulations state that properly designed engines can be 72 degrees Fahrenheit hotter than room temperature, right?" "Yes."—Allison got his second "yes." "So, how hot is your factory?" "About 75 degrees Fahrenheit." "So, 72 degrees plus 75 degrees equals 147 degrees. Putting your hand under a 147-degree Fahrenheit hot faucet must be very hot, right?" "Hmm, I think you're right." The engineer smiled appreciatively. He immediately called his secretary and placed an order for $35,000 worth of engines for the next month. A bank clerk told us about some of his experiences. As a bank clerk, all work must strictly follow the bank's regulations. Before taking a course in interpersonal relationships, I would have told this customer that if he refused, it would be very difficult for us to open an account for him. But this morning, I suddenly thought that instead of discussing what the bank needs, I should focus on what the customer needs. So I decided to start by getting him to say yes. The next day, my idea immediately began to take shape. I agreed with the customer's point of view first and then told him that the information he refused to provide was not necessarily required. "But," I added, "if something unexpected happens, would you be willing to have the bank transfer the money to the relatives you designate?" "Yes, of course." he replied. "Then do you think it's important to tell us the name of that relative so we can handle things according to your wishes without making mistakes or delays?" "Yes." he answered again. At this point, the young man's attitude had softened, realizing that this information was not just for the bank but also for his own benefit. As a result, he not only filled out all the information but also, at my suggestion, opened a trust account, naming his mother as the legal beneficiary. Of course, he also provided all the information related to his mother. Because I initially got him to say yes, he forgot the questions he originally refused to answer and happily did many things as I suggested. It is not difficult to get others to say "yes," but this simple effort can change a person's mindset and the direction of events. The philosophy behind it is to appeal to people's interests and guide them according to the situation, always staying ahead in the matter, so that the other party has no choice but to fall into the "trap" you have set in advance. Mastering effective work methods is a key to success in fierce competition. If you want your opinions to be accepted by others, you must firmly remember: make the other person say "yes" immediately. P409-413