They raise their children this way

Author: Du Kang
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features: What is True Love for a Child?
If you ask, "Do you love your child?" all parents can immediately give a resolute and affirmative answer. But if you ask, "Do you love your child?" perhaps we need to think seriously about it. We might think love is simple—just as long as it comes from the heart. But this is a subjective misconception! American psychologist Erich Fromm said, "Love, like mastering any other art, requires learning to be truly grasped." Without understanding a child's growth patterns and spiritual world, we cannot give them the love they truly need.
Background of the Guest Speaker
Sun Ruixue is a Montessori education expert. Born in 1962, she graduated from the Chinese Department of Ningxia University in 1985. In 1995, she founded one of China's earliest Montessori kindergartens in Yinchuan. Since 1998, she has written over 100 articles (approximately 1 million words) for the "Montessori Scientific Education Method Lectures" column in the Yinchuan Evening News. Starting in 1995, she was invited to give Montessori education lectures in many cities across the country. The "Sun Ruixue Education Institution," named after her, has trained a large number of outstanding Montessori teachers. She has published educational such as Love and Freedom, Capturing Children's Sensitive Periods, Observation and Creation, Imagination and Creation, and The Heart and Creation.
In the book Love and Freedom, the author reveals the laws of children's growth, helping us truly understand them and, in turn, truly understand ourselves. She also points out that a child frequently scolded or beaten develops significantly differently from a normal child. Pressure and fear make them overly sensitive to external things, excessively reinforcing their perception of certain objects, thereby hindering the development of their inner mind.
Freedom is the Core of Love
People are always worried that if a child receives too much love and freedom during their growth, they will lack the psychological strength to enter society and will naturally become weak. Every time I face such a question, I am shocked. I believe it must be the adults who have the problem. When an adult enters an unfamiliar environment, they must adjust themselves and overcome their insecurity. Similarly, when a child transitions from one educational environment to another, they will also adjust.
We once had a child who, after graduating from elementary school, entered a regular middle school. After staying there for two months, he had a thorough understanding and observation of the school. He came home and told his mother, "This school is indeed not as good as the Montessori school." However, our child was never shy about expressing himself. He discovered that his homeroom teacher was good, so on Teacher's Day, he picked a bouquet of flowers and gave them to the teacher, along with a warm hug.
If parents claim they do not love their children enough, many would protest and defend themselves, saying, "That's not true! I love my child very much. I have sacrificed so much energy and time for them. Everything I do is for my child." Why, then, do parents claim to love their children, yet the children feel they have grown up without love? The love parents say they have for their children and the sacrifices they make are conscious. In life, we often see children who walk down stairs without looking, just straight down. Such children have grown up under the excessive protection of their parents or elders, to the point where they cannot even assess their own abilities. This so-called love deprives children of their ability to discern, defend themselves, and be self-reliant. This kind of care is actually an adult's way of taking care of their own psychology and beliefs.
To love a child is to help them be independent; to love a child is to help them have self-respect; to love a child is to fill them with a spirit of exploration for the world. We often see this phenomenon: once a child begins to be independent, parents say, "This child is so stubborn!" or "How can this child be so disobedient!" In reality, the child wants to grow and develop according to their own will. The child's will begins to conflict with their parents', and we must learn to understand the child's needs for growth.
How Can Children Receive Love and Freedom During Their Growth?
Give children opportunities to grow and let them feel your love, providing conditions and support for their development and every detail of their lives. These must be based on your understanding of your child's life development—this is love. Many parents know nothing about their children's growth; they always base their actions on their own experiences or interests, never considering the child's best interests. For example, we never think it's a big deal when a child cries, and we might even believe it helps digestion. In reality, many of a child's spontaneous behaviors are suppressed by adults. If this continues, we will find that many children's rights to grow are taken away by their parents, and their opportunities for mental development are increasingly scarce.
Nowadays, many say that only children are little emperors or princesses at home, but I strongly disagree with this view. I believe there are no little emperors or princesses in China. At least one thing is certain: an emperor is highly respected, and our children do not receive such respect. Many of their rights are taken away, such as the right to eat and dress for themselves, or the right to arrange their free time.
In our kindergarten, some children exhibit very strange behaviors after enrollment. They can't eat, can't use the bathroom, can't do anything—they rely on others to do everything for them. This age is when children are most fond of doing things by themselves. If their ability to use their hands is not developed, it will affect their mental and other aspects of growth. Parents might say, "We love our children too much, so we help them with everything." Are we truly loving our children, or are we loving ourselves too much? Adults do this because they are afraid of the trouble children might bring them.
Dear parents, love is a form of respect. When we constantly say we love our children, do we truly respect them in our hearts? Do you know that our selfless love has become a chain thats their freedom to grow? To love a child is to give them space to grow freely.
P8-11