Speaking is a skill - Complete Collection

Author: Guo Bilian / Country: Mainland China
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-07-01
Features: The saying "sing the song of the mountain you are on" applies to language expression. Good language should be flexible and appropriate, varying in content and tone depending on the occasion. In modern society, introducing oneself, engaging in communication, and working together all require reasonable language expression. If you speak casually without considering the situation, saying inappropriate things can cause embarrassment and even hurt others.
An early graduate from a Chinese language department of a higher education institution, an elderly teacher who had diligently worked for decades retired. To celebrate this, the school held a farewell party for him and another retiring senior colleague who had repeatedly won the title of "Advanced." The attending colleagues and leaders praised their work and character with enthusiastic and highly appropriate words. Compared to the other retiring senior colleague, the praise for the former was even more abundant.
When it was time for the two well-received retiring colleagues to give their thank-you speeches, they expressed heartfelt gratitude for the praise. For a moment, the atmosphere in the venue was filled with a moving warmth. As a token of thanks, the speech should have ended there. However, the elderly teacher did not stop there. Instead, he was moved by the praise for the other "Advanced" individual and made some inappropriate comparisons and elaborations: "When it comes to being 'Advanced,' I regret to say I have never once been recognized as such."
Before he could finish, a young teacher sitting opposite him, who had not always been on good terms with him, suddenly cut in: "No, that's our fault. It's not that you're not worthy of being 'Advanced,' but that we didn't nominate you." His words carried a sharp, unrelenting "sting," and unexpectedly, a sorrowful expression crossed the elderly teacher's face. For a moment, an awkward and displeased atmosphere filled the venue.
A leader, noticing the tension, quickly stepped in to ease the situation. In theory, he should have avoided the sensitive topic of "Advanced" and shifted the conversation elsewhere. Instead, he repeatedly comforted the retiring teacher, telling him not to take the lack of recognition as "Advanced" too seriously, that not being nominated didn't mean he wasn't "Advanced," that the title was not just about reputation but also about deeds, and so on. His words essentially repeated and expanded on a topic that should have been avoided, making the already awkward situation even more uncomfortable.
This is a true story that happened around us. We might call it a "story of someone who doesn't know how to speak." From this story, we can draw several thought-provoking lessons:
1. The lesson from the retiring teacher: Avoid unnecessary comparisons. Comparisons are a common technique in conversation. When used well, they can produce positive effects. Here, "positive effects" should be particularly noted. At a farewell party like this, people often say warm, sincere, and appropriate words. The listener should be good at listening and responding, and there is no need to measure their own shortcomings against others' strengths, which can cause discomfort.
2. The lesson from the young teacher: Don't add fuel to the fire when others are feeling down. In daily interactions, conflicts are inevitable. When an elderly teacher who had worked diligently for decades is about to retire, even if disagreements arose due to the teacher's shortcomings in certain areas, at a farewell party like this, we should not seize the moment someone says something inappropriately, say harsh words out of spite, and leave a bad impression. In such a situation, we must prioritize the "joy" of the farewell. "Farewell" implies joy, so we should leave the other person with as many pleasant memories as possible.
3. The lesson from the leader: Pay attention to avoiding sensitive topics. A leader's ability to lead is reflected in their principles. When an unexpected awkward situation arises in a meeting, he did not directly criticize the young teacher who spoke inappropriately. Instead, he tried to affirm the retiring teacher's contributions and demonstrated quick thinking and responsiveness—these are commendable. However, from the perspective of specific crisis management and verbal skills, he fell short. In theory, in such a situation, he should have avoided the sensitive topic of "Advanced," skillfully changed the subject, and shifted the atmosphere from temporary unhappiness back to joy, even creating a new peak in the mood. Instead, he continued to dwell on the sensitive topic. Whether a leader can tactfully avoid topics that are best left unspoken is also a good test of their leadership ability.
The lessons from the three individuals can be summarized as one point: Pay attention to the occasion. Without considering the context, speaking at will, rambling on, and saying whatever comes to mind is a clumsy way of speaking. People live in specific times, places, and conditions, and in different settings, facing different people and situations, with different purposes, we should speak differently and use different approaches—this is the essence of "sing the song of the mountain you are on." Only then can we achieve the desired effect in our communication.
P23-25