The Complete Book of Social Etiquette

Author: Zhao Yanfeng
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-06-01
Features: Standing tall in the world with one's own true self, pursuing success, wealth, and fame. In this process, every person has their own way of dealing with the world, chasing different goals and answers. Indeed, this is truly an era of abundant opportunities. What is the mark of success? Wealth, status, reputation, fame, power—all these may be what people long to possess. But in the world, there are so many who scheme for power, compromise for status, and resort to any means for wealth. Is this truly the meaning of success? In fact, in the unhealthy pursuit of success, people often lose more. Without health, happiness, joy, inner peace, and harmony with others. Perhaps, by sticking to what one wants and always adhering to principles, standing tall with one's backbone, in a sense, this is a greater success. Society is a complex machine; it can easily make people lose their true selves, (), one's edges, and only by standing straight, remaining round externally yet square internally, can one avoid becoming a petty person who forgets justice for profit. Therefore, at all times, we should stand tall with our backbone.
In 1948, Zhu Ziqing's stomach illness grew increasingly severe. That day, Zhu Ziqing was lying at home when Wu Han visited him and handed him a declaration protesting the U.S. policy of aiding Japan and refusing to accept U.S. relief wheat. Zhu Ziqing read it without a word, merely tremblingly picked up a pen and signed his name on the declaration. Less than two months later, Zhu Ziqing passed away. Zhu Ziqing's stomach illness required strict selection of food, and at that time, wheat was a scarce and highly desirable commodity. If he had not signed, others would have understood. But he still did, though his death was not necessarily solely because of this. We can imagine that he could not bear the humiliation of U.S. wheat but endured the intense suffering of his illness—this choice clearly reflected his own orientation. Mencius once said: "Do not desire what I do not desire, and do not do what I do not want to do. Seek what I must seek, and do what I must do—nothing more." To be precise, what I do not desire includes what I should not desire (unjust gains of unclear origin) and what I do not need (empty titles and hollow fame). If I take what I should not or do not need, I become a slave to external things, and the external things that were once at my mercy then turn to control me. Doing what I should not do often harms others, invites public condemnation, and faces sanctions. Even if no sanctions are imposed, with a shred of conscience, one would be restless day and night, plagued by guilt; even if all conscience is lost, one cannot escape fear, restlessness in eating and sleeping, and insomnia. Doing what I do not want to do forces me to force myself, even to compel myself, unable to act freely or give my all—even in small tasks, I would find them unbearable.