Security - Walking Between Money and Loyalty

Author: Liu Cangping
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-06-01
Features: Marriage is both painful and itchy About the crisis in marriage, we frequently encounter three key time milestones: marriage loses its flavor after three years; it starts to itch after seven years; and it becomes painful after ten years. Although these sensitive points are highlighted, in the specifics of marriage, everyone faces different issues, and even if you painstakingly navigate through ten years, your marriage still remains in crisis. Thus, cities like Shanghai have already established specialized training programs to help people with marital problems. Is your marital relationship really this tense? Is it causing you so much unease that it has reached the point of needing a therapist or a doctor? Or is it because you have magnified the problems and anxieties yourself? Let’s try to analyze these so-called crises in marriage.
Why is three years a turning point? This reminds me of a lyric, "Left three years, right three years, how many three years can life give?" The changes three years bring to marriage are indeed significant. It can be said that your marriage has reached a critical juncture in transitioning to a more mundane life. If you can’t handle the monotony of these years, you might develop some adverse thoughts about marriage. Of course, it’s also possible that you haven’t had children yet, but the in-laws have already driven you to the brink of madness. The woman might still be hesitant about sacrificing her career to have a child, while the man is contemplating whether to stick to his original "dINK" (double income, no kids) idea.
By the seventh year of marriage, the children should already be in kindergarten. In any case, both spouses breathe a sigh of relief, finally having some time for themselves, yet suddenly finding themselves unsure of what to do next. In this confusion, they might realize that their lives have lost passion. If there are also small or large temptations around, the commitment to marriage gradually fades away between holding on and wavering. Then, for the sake of the children or other reasons, even if the marriage is maintained, it has often already become torn apart, with the couple living in superficial harmony but lacking genuine connection.
In this chicken-and-egg-like marital life, the men and women nearing middle age begin to reflect on their emotional belonging and reevaluate their understanding of marriage. The children have grown to a point where they can understand, and it’s possible that even they think their parents shouldn’t continue maintaining such a dull marriage. Thus, amid various conflicts, the "ten-year itch" arrives.
Looking back, the so-called "painful and itchy" marriage at three, seven, ten, or "N" years often stems from one or both partners being irresponsible or even betraying the marriage. However, such marriages are indeed rare. Most couples, even when faced with conflicts and temptations, would still strive to resolve the issues, driven by their initial desire for happiness and a sense of responsibility toward their family. In fact, if two lovers always think of each other and can calmly discuss matters at any time, these crises in marriage can ultimately be resolved.
P288-290