Mind Soaring - Li Zixun on Mental Health

Author: Li Zixun
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-06-01
Features: Loneliness is an attribute of humans because humans are social animals, so loneliness is a natural attribute of humans. Just like there are communal animals and solitary animals among animals, communal animals are bound to fear loneliness, while solitary animals enjoy loneliness. We can compare feline animals and canine animals. Feline animals (except lions) are mostly solitary animals, so stray cats can survive very well, while stray dogs die quickly. An American nature documentary filmed a tiger (a feline) living alone in the deep mountains, content and joyful. The camera shows it bathing in a pond after a full meal and a good sleep, acting very anthropomorphically, scratching its head and acting pretentiously. Although it cannot laugh, its eyes show satisfaction, making you believe that the creature is living quite well. Stray dogs and lonely wolves are anxious and fearful, with their tails tucked between their legs. They can endure hunger and thirst and travel thousands of miles to find their own group or quickly embrace a new owner's arms. Of course, culture calls this behavior driven by loneliness to depend on one person or a group "loyalty," while it views animals like felines, who are independent and do not rely on anything, as selfish, cunning, hypocritical, or self-centered. All primates and humans are communal animals. Look at the animal kingdom; monkeys are willing to suffer humiliation for fear of being driven out of the group. When an old monkey king is replaced by a new one, the harshest punishment is an attack by the group to drive it out, and when the monkey king leaves the group, it is close to death. Even if there are abundant fruits all over the mountains, it cannot survive alone. From this, we can infer that the reason humans pursue social identity, willingly give up their individuality, and follow the commonality is determined by our innate inability to be alone, not by morality. The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti believed that people read books, entertain, make friends, fall in love, marry, practice religion, have faith, work, engage in activities, pursue interests, hobbies, desires for power and money—all to distract themselves. Distract from what? Distract from the heart of loneliness. Fear of being idle and feeling lonely, fear of the anxiety, panic, and unease triggered by loneliness. In fact, even God knows that loneliness is the best way to drive people. In the old version of the Bible, humans were originally one. God envied humans' carefree life and split them into two halves, one male and one female, so that they had to face loneliness and incompleteness from birth. Only by finding the other half can they escape the torment of loneliness. Philosophy lists loneliness, death, freedom, and meaning as the four major topics humans need to reflect on and introspect. Loneliness evokes two basic psychological needs in people: one is a sense of belonging, and the other is existential anxiety. Belonging is easy to understand: "Who am I? Where is my home? What is my team?" or "Who am I? Who needs me? What are my beliefs, ideologies, and social identities?" Answering these questions fulfills people's sense of belonging. Marriage is often driven by a sense of belonging. Even if one knows the other is not suitable, the fear of losing the loneliness of home forces them to endure an unpleasant relationship. Existential anxiety is innate, just like our fear of danger, which cannot be explained by reason or logic. As long as we are alive, the anxiety, hesitation, uncertainty, and chaos caused by loneliness are always present. In fact, no matter how hard people try to escape loneliness, loneliness accompanies us every second of our lives. If we must describe it, loneliness is the shadow of the soul. The darker the light, the deeper the shadow. If our culture actively acknowledges that humans fear loneliness, then loneliness, like hunger, thirst, and sexual desire, can naturally be expressed and reasonably satisfied. Because we know that hunger, thirst, and sexual desire are exactly the sources of human happiness. Acknowledging it as naturally as acknowledging that humans need to wear clothes and eat is the same way loneliness can bring people endless joy and satisfaction in social interactions. Since Freud, psychoanalysis has encouraged people to differentiate themselves from their families (groups) to achieve individual independence, which has done some challenging to loneliness. However, individual independence does not mean that people no longer fear loneliness; it just transfers this sense of belonging from family to career, society, and love. People with social anxiety may be a natural drift of their communal nature, but culture constantly forces them back into the group, causing psychological suffering. If society highly values solitude, then such people are just creative, calm, and self-sufficient. In that case, conditions like autism, schizophrenia, or depression could be seen as a kind of "addiction" to loneliness, where people feel safe and at peace in solitude. Without cultural interference, in a natural state, a fondness for solitude might be a unique spiritual enjoyment for humans. But liking solitude is a denial of society, and culture does not want to give people such a right. Loneliness cannot be overcome or suppressed. The best way to deal with loneliness is to be aware of its existence and willing to coexist with it. Being aware of loneliness is not easy, because as soon as it appears, people immediately do things to "distract" themselves, so that their minds do not feel its presence. There are two types of people who can truly coexist with loneliness. One is a monk or a sage, living in deep mountains, far from human society, with few desires and a meager body, reaching enlightenment. Enlightenment is suddenly realizing human nature and no longer doing things against one's will to escape loneliness. Such people are transcenders of the heart. The other is like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, who is stranded on an island alone. When loneliness strikes, he is terrified but has no escape, and gradually accepts loneliness, becoming all-powerful. Loneliness is an existence. Do not escape it, nor claim to challenge it. What humans can do is calmly be aware of and accept it, accepting it as part of life. Only in this way can we avoid going against our will out of fear of loneliness.