Effective Communication - 50 Proven Practices

Author: Su Weilun / Country:
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-06-01
Features: Don't Say Ugly Things Ugly Way
Everyone loves to hear pleasant words, but in communication, we can't always speak well of things. Sometimes, it's necessary to say the ugly truth upfront to protect our own interests. So, how can we make others accept what we say while ensuring we convey our message effectively? This is where the art of speaking comes into play.
There was a rice porridge shop that had recently expanded due to its success and hired many new waiters. The owner warned the new staff during the hiring process: "Our porridge is very cheap, and you must ensure every customer who comes here buys our tea eggs. Only then will our business not lose money. If you fail to do this, it means you don't qualify to be a waiter, and you'll have to leave after the one-month probation period."
Xiao Zhang thought this was simple—just ask, "Would you like eggs?" Some customers agreed easily, but others refused. When this happened, Xiao Zhang would tell them, "You can't drink porridge without ordering tea eggs. It's our rule." Of course, customers didn't understand such a rule, and some left angrily, while others started arguing. Xiao Zhang, being quick-tempered, always stood her ground, and the owner had to intervene every time to resolve the situation.
In contrast, Xiao Liu used a clever approach. Whenever customers came, she greeted them with a smile, served them a bowl of porridge, and then asked, "How many eggs would you like? One or two?" This way, customers who liked eggs would order two, while those who didn't would still order one out of habit. Xiao Liu always succeeded in meeting the shop's goals.
After one month, Xiao Zhang, who didn't know how to communicate with customers, was fired for causing too much trouble. Meanwhile, the smart Xiao Liu was promoted directly to team leader, earning a salary far higher than her fellow new hires.
Communication requires learning how to speak. It's easy to say nice things about others, but it's truly difficult to deliver the ugly truth gracefully. Xiao Zhang lost her job because she didn't understand the art of speaking, while Xiao Liu, with just a little wisdom, was promoted to team leader. The difference between good and poor communication skills is as clear as day.
When dealing with others, it's normal to be polite to create a friendly atmosphere, but at critical moments, we may need to say "ugly truths" to establish principles or protect our interests. Otherwise, the entire communication loses meaning. However, saying the ugly truth is a problem many find troublesome. If we speak bluntly, the hard-won atmosphere can be ruined, and we might lose everything. But if we don't say it, we might suffer silently. We can't be overly accommodating, nor can we harm ourselves by being stubborn. Therefore, we must work on our speaking skills to "gild the ugly truth."
So, when discussing topics involving principles or interests, we must maintain a good attitude and be tactful in our words. For communicators, there's a conflict between "taking" and "giving" on both sides. Some people are very cooperative and understand our difficulties, while others are less generous. In such cases, we must use language to guide them toward cooperation.
To speak well, we should first be polite, seek common ground in our words to bridge the psychological distance, control the pace of the conversation to resonate with others, and then gently but firmly express our requests. This way, the other party enters our mental framework unknowingly. If we then tighten the topic, they will naturally follow our lead, making even the hardest tasks seem easy.
In today's increasingly complex business environment, to achieve our goals, we must learn to communicate positively with others. While language skills and speaking style are basic abilities, they play a crucial role in whether we can build strong relationships and even determine our success. Regardless of status, good communication skills naturally add value to us. Learning to turn ugly truths into pleasant words and making honest advice sound less harsh is a golden rule for gaining others' favor, building stable connections, and reaping tangible benefits.
However, if the other party behaves irrationally or makes unreasonable demands, we can also adopt a straightforward approach. We should firmly and seriously state our views, position, and conditions, and inform them of the consequences if they refuse. Sometimes, a firm stance is necessary to make others recognize our strength and authority. A tolerant and peaceful attitude toward them might only make them see us as weak and take advantage of us, leading to further misconduct.
While communication should aim for a harmonious and friendly atmosphere, we must also be prepared to treat individuals differently in special cases. Sometimes, speaking the ugly truth directly can be more effective than being overly polite in certain situations.