Make children successful and happy

Author: Jim Taylor, Sheng Qiang, Sheng Mingyang
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2006-01-01
Features: Seeing this title, one might ask the question—aren’t successful children unhappy? The answer is—not necessarily all successful children are happy. Why is that? In this increasingly competitive era, many parents yearn for their children to excel, driven by a desire for quick results. This mentality, combined with the saturation of various tutoring classes in the space that should belong to children’s lives, leaves both parents and children often exhausted. Many children never get to enjoy the happiness of childhood. Some parents, however, understand the value of respecting their children’s lives and their inner feelings. They believe that a "happy childhood experience" is more important than academic achievements, yet they worry that their children might become unmotivated or lack ambition. The authors of this book, Dr. Taylor, successfully resolve this "either/or" conflict in parents’ minds and reveal that success and happiness can go hand in hand. He argues that success without happiness is definitely not true success. To help children be both successful and happy, he encourages raising children through "positive encouragement" and shows readers how to encourage, when to encourage, and when to hold back and advance. He tells us that there is a fundamental difference between simply achieving success and becoming a successful person. The authors believe that self-respect, awareness, and emotional control are the three key principles for cultivating a happy life for children. A child’s high level of self-respect is not only determined by receiving proper support, encouragement, and love but also stems from a sense of competence and the feeling of being able to do things well. Children need to develop a sense of awareness, a feeling that their interests, efforts, and achievements belong to them. The authors point out that in raising children, parents should act as collaborators rather than controllers, in order to cultivate healthy, independent, and happy children. Many parents only want their children to become successful, but they neglect to respect the value of their children’s lives and to nurture their souls; they overlook the deep desires within their children; and they ignore their strong need for independence. Only by providing children with appropriate and reasonable help can they push beyond their "comfort zone" to explore and take risks, which will help them achieve success happily. The authors use a red warning system to highlight the mistakes that parents often make without realizing it and that are hindering their children’s success. At the same time, they provide specific, scientific solutions and guidance for these issues. For example, the authors emphasize that parents should not treat their children as confidants, as children are still growing and their minds are not yet fully mature. They lack the capacity to bear the joys, sorrows, and worries of adults. They also warn parents not to place their own happiness on their children’s shoulders. Parents should have their own lives and joys and should not merge with their children. As children grow older, parents must constantly reflect on themselves, change, and adjust. They must have the courage to challenge themselves. Love for children should balance expectations for success. Love is the most powerful tool parents have to influence their children. Parents must learn to speak in a language their children can understand and to communicate with them effectively. Addressing the manys parents face today—such as children’s school avoidance, lack of motivation to learn, and resistance toward parents—the authors argue that parents who set overly high achievement expectations are essentially creating an angry child. These children, who express hostility, learn to associate academic performance with negative emotions. Meanwhile, the authors suggest that parents adopt a calm, positive, and supportive attitude toward improvement, and only then will children be encouraged to rise to the challenge.