My Unforgettable N Secret Places

Author: Shi Xiaojie
Publisher:
Publish Date: 2004-01-01
Features: The author's words: Our generation is often called the faithless and awkward one, neither burdened by history nor carefree like the "new humans." We remain silent on this and have no desire to discuss it. What brings me joy is that traveling often moves me deeply. I find myself growing increasingly fragile—sometimes a glance, a blade of grass, or a beam of light can make me want to cry, and even dull TV dramas can bring tears to my nose. So, when I arrive at those breathtaking places, I see, and I must record. The issue also lies in the fact that on the road, you can profoundly feel the immense power of the commodity economy. Even places that are hard to reach can change almost every year. Many things, if not captured, might never be seen again. What's worse is that in the past 100 years since Western civilization has dominated, not only has the relationship between humans, animals, and forests become tense, but the changes in the Earth's landscape have also been truly enormous. Some environmentalists lament the retreat of glaciers and the desertification of grasslands, but I stubbornly believe that these major changes are fundamentally unrelated to local people. The root lies in the consumerist and exploitative mindset represented by the Americans. In fact, these are deeply affecting our daily lives. Well, enough of this off-topic rambling—I can't articulate any clear reasoning, so I'll stop. Since I became obsessed with this damn outdoor exploration, I've gradually become a heavy drinker. Between mountains and wilderness, I can drink endlessly: 16 bottles for 9 people in Yushu, Qinghai; 17.5 bottles for 7 people in Deqen, Sichuan; using large bowls for drinks at farmhouses in the mountains of Yunnan; and on the Yarlung Tsangpo River, I've never felt a hangover or had anyone refuse to drink with me. Those who drink with me know I'm a great companion—never pushy, always drinking as much as others. But the moment I return to this hateful city, half a liter can bring me down. When I drink half a liter or more, I lose my memory and even start breaking things, which has cost me the favor of many friends. This is terrible, and I've regretted it many times. I don't know what's wrong with me. Before "Walking the Yangtze," I could still hold my liquor in the city, but after that, the city's alcohol just rejects me, seems to get on my nerves. I feel I haven't changed, but my body's relationship with alcohol no longer belongs to me. Alas! I often think I should quit drinking and hide away. So, perhaps this is why I'm destined to keep wandering between those mountains and wilderness. I fear that if I go back too late, everything will be just like the city, and I might never find another place where I can drink freely again. I know now that the pressing issue I face is how to better document these experiences. This often confuses me. But good photos and bad photos are usually obvious at a glance, right? Generally speaking. I plan to keep learning and learning. In the past, I was always like a bear shaking corn, always rushing and shooting whatever I encountered. After all these years, looking back at my own work, I can't find many photos worth a second glance. Now, I intend to "go all in" in some places I love—stay there for months, immerse myself in the things I like and am curious about, and maybe I can create some compelling and enduring photos. Maybe I can even use them to say something meaningful.