"Zhou Erfu Collection (21-22): A Look Back at the Past (Set of Two Volumes)"

Author: Zhou Erfu
Publisher:
Publishing Date: 2004-10-01
Features: A person's life, regardless of how long or short they have been on this earth, is filled with rich experiences of joy, sorrow, and hardship. Even those who have passed away early have had different kinds of experiences. Whatever has already happened, looking back on the past several years, is all past events. Tolstoy believed: "Life is real. Everything a person experiences stays in their heart as memories. We live forever on memories." (Gordon Vise: "Amongst Tolstoy") "When will the spring flowers and autumn moon ever end? How many past events do I know!" It was not the king of a fallen nation, Li Yu, who would utter such a lament, "Past events are now empty, just like a dream." "Past events are unbearable to recall under the moonlight." His past events were unbearable to recall. Each person, due to their different environments, has a different perspective on past events. Li Qingzhao, the famous poetess of the Southern Song Dynasty, said: "Afraid of idle worries and hidden sorrows, how many things, wanting to speak, yet stopping oneself." When her husband Zhao Mingcheng was away, she felt the sorrow of separation: "Thinking of the Wu Ling people far away, the smoke locks the Qin Tower." "One kind of longing, two places of idle sorrow." So she felt, "Things remain, but people have changed, everything is over. Wanting to speak, tears flow first." Emperor Gaozong Zhao Gou, using Qin Hui's scheme, recalled the anti-Jin general Yue Fei with twelve golden medals, and Yue Fei sighed: "I want to pour my heart's thoughts into the jade qin, but there are few who understand me, who will listen when the strings are broken?" The Southern Song Dynasty made a humiliating peace. He had ambitions but could not fulfill them, and his heart was filled with pain, showing his extreme dissatisfaction with the surrenderists. He wrote "Little Mountain" to express his opposition. In his position, he had no freedom to express his thoughts, so he could only remain silent. Who would listen to his past events? Historically, Ouyang Xiu was known for being "direct in discussing matters, seen as an enemy by others." He was therefore frequently exiled. Su Shi said of Ouyang Xiu, "In discussing the great way, he was like Han Yu; in discussing matters, he was like Lu Shi; in recording events, he was like Sima Qian; in poetry and prose, he was like Li Bai." In the poem "Complaint of the Heart," Ouyang Xiu lamented: "Thinking of the past, cherishing the passing fragrance, easily causing injury. Preparing to sing, but first choke, wanting to laugh but stop, heartbroken." Although it described the tragic situation of a singing girl in feudal society who had to pretend to be cheerful despite her inner sorrows, did it also reflect the deep emotions of the Six-One Scholar? Tang Wan's poem "Hairpin Feng" expressed "Wanting to write down my heart's thoughts, speaking alone by the sloping balustrade. Difficult, difficult, difficult! Afraid of being asked, suppressing tears and pretending to be cheerful. Deceiving, deceiving, deceiving!" It also wrote of the inner pain of a woman who suffered persecution, weeping and complaining against feudal etiquette. Under the cruel rule of feudal society, how could there be freedom to express one's thoughts and recall past events? Even if expressed, what effect would it have? It had to be swallowed down, deceiving, deceiving, deceiving! Unable to pour out one's sorrows, it was even more painful. As people grow old, they often tend to recall past events. But past events are like smoke. Xin Qiji stubbornly resisted the Jin, fighting against the Southern Song ruling group that advocated surrender. He wrote "Ten Arguments on Beauty" and "Nine Discussions," proposing strategic principles and specific measures for resisting the Jin, but they were not adopted by the rulers and were constantly excluded and suppressed. In the more than forty years after his return to the South, he was dismissed from office and stayed idle for over twenty years. He recalled his youth, modestly writing "Or as" "The Swan in the Sky," recalling the heroic battle history of leading troops to resist the Jin, capturing the rebel general Zhang An'guo, and breaking through to the south. But his ambitions were unfulfilled, and he had grown old: "Recalling the past, sighing at the present me, the spring breeze does not dye the white beard. Instead, I trade ten thousand words of peace strategies for my neighbor's tree planting book." Peace strategies refer to "Ten Arguments on Beauty" and "Nine Discussions," which expressed boundless sentiments and frustrations in the poem. The proposals of the anti-Jin general were, in his old age, reduced to learning how to plant trees from his neighbor. Wu Qian, a famous politician and litterateur of the Southern Song Dynasty, actively resisted the enemy, was dismissed from office many times, and even in his old age, still hoped to achieve something: "At the age of seventy, I dare not refuse to sacrifice my life for the country." This shows his determination to resist the enemy, but he also wrote sentences like: "Sighing over ten years of thoughts, rest, rest. Years are few, people grow old easily, the world is vast, but sorrow is hard to bear." He expressed the grief of time passing, the ease of aging, and the unfulfilled political ideals. Some people also wanted to recall the smoke-like past, but felt "Recalling the past, no trace remains." (Liu Kehua: "A New Lyric") Or "More than twenty years like a dream, though I am still here, it is astonishing. Ascending a small pavilion to watch the new clear sky, how many things of the past, the fisherman's song starts at three in the morning." (Chen Yuyi: "By the River") This shows a lament for the past. In short, recalling the past is difficult. Therefore, one does not want to look back at the past, "Looking at the evening mirror, mourning the passing scenery, past events and future appointments are empty and forgotten." This Zhang Xian, in vain remembered the passing past events and future appointments, feeling empty and confused. Then why should I look back at the past? During the ten years of chaos, I constantly wrote self-criticism. At the Gushi School in Xixian County, Henan, I was even forced to write a self-introduction, the more detailed the better. When I studied at the private school until the Youth Association Middle School, I was influenced by Gu Yanwu's "Daily Knowledge," and I wrote a diary every day, recording what I saw and heard and my opinions on things, as well as reading notes, to help see the traces of my growth. When the Anti-Japanese War broke out, Nanjing fell, and my family feared getting involved in trouble, so they burned everything, leaving no trace, and from then on, I stopped writing diaries. Because from Shanghai to Yan'an and then to the democratic anti-Jin base in Jin-Cha-Ji, "purges" were frequent, and I often lived and fought in a mobile manner, with little time to write diaries. From Yan'an to Chongqing, I worked at the editorial offices of "Xinhua Daily" and "The Masses," living in the heart of the Kuomintang's rule. Even if there was time, I couldn't write diaries because of the risk of leaking secrets. After the founding of the People's Republic of China, I could write diaries, but I was extremely busy, sometimes not able to rest until 11 or 12 at night, exhausted, and had no energy to write diaries. Moreover, I had long been accustomed to getting up early, and no matter what time I rested, I would wake up early the next morning and start writing, without time to write diaries. From morning until work, it was my spare time for writing, unbreakable, except for overseas visits. Starting from the autumn of 1954, when I visited India and Myanmar, I wrote diaries when I had time to get up early, but I only recorded the activities and scenery of the countries I visited, rarely writing about myself. The school forced me to write a self-introduction. At that time, the task was simple, called "labor reform," and there was more free time, which gave me the opportunity to look back at the past. Like Du Mu said, "Matters go with the solitary swan," or like Su Shi said, "Matters are like a spring dream, leaving no trace." Briefly looking back, many things were not easy to remember, fortunately, the self-introduction was more political and ideological, only needing to record the main points, no need for details, and it took about ten thousand words to write out the main experiences. The Communist Party of China, with one blow, crushed the counter-revolutionary "Four Gangs," the dark clouds in the sky scattered, and the rosy morning sun shone on the mountains and waters of the motherland, warming the hearts of hundreds of millions of people, all hoping to make up for the losses suffered during the ten years of chaos with double efforts. I also had such an urgent desire to engage in writing and work, working ten or more hours a day, constantly busy with a series of tasks one after another, gradually forgetting the past events I had recalled. It was probably in 1979 that the editorial team of "Biographies of Modern Chinese Writers" from Xuzhou Normal University came to invite me to write, according to the editorial style, all living writers were required to write their own self-introductions, and I couldn't refuse, nor could I ask the editor to write it for me, as that would violate the rules, so I quickly wrote "A Brief Biography" to meet the demand. I finished it on March 13, 1980, and sent it, which was included in "Biographies of Modern Chinese Writers," published by Sichuan People's Publishing House in May 1981. I thought I could "pass the test." In 1987, I received a letter from the editorial team of Xuzhou Normal University, saying they planned to revise and supplement the biographies. According to the rules, the writers themselves had to do it. At that time, I was writing the novel "The Great Wall Stretches for Ten Thousand Li," and if it was interrupted, it would take a lot of time to prepare before continuing. But I had already written "A Brief Biography," and after ten years, it needed to be revised and supplemented, so I had no choice but to look back at the past again. In the spring of 1988, a bronze statue of Comrade Zhou Enlai was erected in front of Jiajiaquan No. 50 in Chongqing to commemorate his outstanding achievements in leading the difficult and complex struggles in the Kuomintang-controlled areas. At the same time, a celebration was held for the 50th anniversary of the founding of "Xinhua Daily." I was invited to celebrate the unveiling of the statue and the anniversary of the newspaper. After the event, I took a boat down the Three Gorges to Wuhan. On the boat, I had more free time and looked back at the past, revising and supplementing "A Brief Biography" and sending it to Xuzhou Normal University. The editorial team of "New Literary Materials" once invited me to write a self-introduction or a serial of recollections, but I couldn't meet the demand because my main energy was devoted to writing novels, and I couldn't spare much time to look back at the past. So I sent the revised and supplemented "A Brief Biography" titled "A Brief Review" to the editor, which was published in the 1990 issue. Before that, the deputy editor of the monthly magazine "Report Literature," Fu Xipeng, invited me to write a recollection, earnestly hoping for support, and with such great kindness, I had no choice but to write "Years in Chongqing" and "At the Crossroads of Peace and War," which were serialized in "Report Literature." The monthly magazine "Report Literature" continued to be published until the 12th issue of 1989, when it came to an end. Fu Xipeng didn't visit me with a smile to ask for a recollection like before, and I breathed a sigh of relief, able to focus on writing novels again. But the editorial team of "New Literary Materials" was enthusiastic about inviting me to write a recollection, and it often lingered in my mind. That "A Brief Review" was too "brief" to be considered a recollection, and I should follow their wishes and take time to write a recollection to repay their kindness. On the other hand, I felt that the past had already passed and was buried in the graveyard of history, not worth mentioning again, why dig up the grave and expose the corpse? Moreover, as people grow older, their memory deteriorates day by day. Even if I look back, it may not be entirely accurate. How can I start writing about the past events that "have no trace" and "leave no trace"? "How many things, wanting to speak, yet stopping oneself." It was truly "Wanting to write down my heart's thoughts, speaking alone by the sloping balustrade. Difficult, difficult, difficult!" It was better not to write. But the editor was earnest in asking me to write a "recollection," how could I refuse again? At this time, I remembered Sima Qian who said: "Therefore, recounting the past, thinking of the future." ("Autobiography of the Grand Historian") I am not comparing myself to Sima Qian, but personal past events are not worth looking back at, at most just a drop in the ocean. But the sea does not reject the small streams. Looking back at the past is for the future, to learn from the past and know the future. My life "destiny" has gone through many twists and turns, and on the long road of life, some experiences and lessons are not without reference value for later generations. Therefore, I looked back at the past and took up the pen, writing more or less, depending on the person and the matter, not limited to personal past events, and not a pure self-introduction, so it is called "Recollections of the Past."